vr

a novel

Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss

November 1999

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 November 1999
Subject: On the job

"Transrectal real time B mode ultrasonography with a 5 and 7.5 MHz transducer and a linear array scanner was used to examine 102 Israeli-Holstein cows in three farms in order to detect pregnancy at 21 days after artificial insemination." Thus begins one of our abstracts. It's really too bad that with my new responsibilities, and my twenty percent wage hike to match, I haven't got enough time to read more of this shit. I feel terribly guilty about the money, especially as I cashed in on thirty-five hours of OT in October. November has begun with two thirteen-and-a-half-hour days, All Saints' Day and the Day of the Dead. I can't work any longer than that without missing the last bus home. One night I worked until one and they sent me home in a taxi. There's a company week-end trip to Cyprus at the end of the month. This might not be too bad. Now if only I can find an apartment in Tel Aviv... The big boss, that is the old man, called me into his office. I was wondering what I was going to be fired for. Instead he asked for my frank evaluation of his company's IT system. His son wants to invest in some new technology. He is honest about knowing nothing of computers and wanted my opinion. My first struggle was not to laugh. I can't even download something from the 'net, and here he wants his new expert American computer technician to explain our situation and give advice on new software to buy. I was trying to tailor my answers to support the son, whose technology budget inevitably boosts my perceived importance to the firm, so long as no one finds out that it's a sham. The son knows, no doubt, but he's got a keen sense of irony, likes me and probably finds me useful. I am learning that in business it's not what one can do, but what one can make the right people think one can do, while the others find it convenient to keep their mouth shut. I also wanted to confirm the girls' complaints about our DOS data entry process, some of which is just complaining, but the programs are slow, cumbersome and time-consuming. Besides these girls take this job a lot more seriously than I do. After all, here is this tough old man, seventy-five years old, six feet tall, powerful build, one thumb cut off while having fun in the King's or David Ben Gurion's army, trying to find out what goes on behind his back in his own company.

RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss

From: SAGReiss
Date: 12 November 1999
Subject: My debt to you

I'm really sorry about the check fiasco. I've been to the bank, but had no luck trying to deposit $200 without converting it into sheqels so that I could send it to you. They aren't big on customer service in this land, and I'm at a big language disadvantage. It seems that international bank transfers are not so easy. I had a thought. I could go to the post office next Friday and send you a book with two hundred-dollar bills between the pages. I guess there's a slight risk that some over-zealous customs officer might steal it or hassel one of us for breaking some unknown law against mailing currency. If you think it's OK, I'll do that.

From: SAGReiss
Date: 18 November 1999
Subject: 200 Virgins

I haven't heard from you. Would you like me to send you the money in a book? Would you rather I work on arranging for a bank transfer? I can go to the post office tomorrow (Friday) if you can e-mail me tonight before ten (Thursday). I'll be away in Cyprus next week-end.

From: Nichelle
Date: 18 November 1999
Subject: Re: 200 Virgins

Sorry, yes please mail the money in a book. That would be great. What's going on in Cyprus? I made my bounce- thought of you when I was in the kitchen store. It's excellent, though you would probably consider it to be a waste of perfectly good vodka.

From: SAGReiss
Date: 19 November 1999
Subject: No way home

"Get the Hell out. I'll call the police."
"Don't fucking threaten me."
"I want you both out by Shabbat [sundown on the Sabbath day]. There may be violence."
I'm not in a great mood for police and violence. I've got bronchitis. I left work early Wednesday and called in sick Thursday. Today I may be moving out. Temporarily perhaps, but I'm looking for a flat anyway. I may have my old man for a roomate. Fortunately I am financially secure, as the new Webmaster in charge of one of the worst web sites I've ever seen (which I have shamelessly and tirelessly promoted. You can now find it by searching for "incentive israel" on Yahoo and Lycos and Google, not that any of you bastards cares.) I have just sent Nichelle 200 Virgins between the pages of "Absolom, Absolom". I have paid the telephone and internet bills. I feel relaxed. I was not directly implicated in the fight. There is some precedent for us getting the car. It's half past two. I can pack in an hour. My father has moved out a dozen times before. We'll go to one of his brothers' houses. It behooves me to find lodgings swiftly. I'm not sure what the row was about. I guess it always comes down to not enough cash in the till. I have nothing to do with that. I buy my own bread for breakfast, eat lunch in Tel Aviv, and don't eat supper.

Time to go. I'm not really sure when I'll next be online.

October 1999

December 1999

vr: 1999