From: Columbine
Date: 1 January 1999
Subject: Re: Windmills and peppermills
>No human being in the history of the universe has ever existed to
>whom: "just having the woman on top is unbearably deviant."
The heck you say. You didn't grow up in the southern United States. Why
do you think I hate and fear Southern Baptists so much?
>You are tilting
>at windmills or peppermills or dildoes or some other phallic symbol,
which
>is what people with a political agenda always do.
OK, I don't dispute that. I'm curious as to what you think my agenda is
in this case ... I'm not denying I have one, heh, I'm just not sure it's
what you think it is.
>Any
>woman so dumb as not to be able to get her bf's cock in her ass when
it's
>logged just one inch of perineum away is lucky that the internet is
so easy
>to use that she can write e-mail to you to complain about it. Every
American
>and his gf or bf or goat or cow can figure out how to have anal sex.
's'not a question of knowing how, it's a question of asking permission.
It's a question of overcoming fears. Some straight women think that if they
take it up the rear, it'll hurt or be icky, but they're curious about it
anyway. Besides, like I think I said, mostly the women want to strap one
on - be the penetrator - and that's an even bigger barrel of worms. Some
straight men think if they get penetrated anally it makes them homosexual.
Some straight women think that if they press the issue, or try it anyway,
their bf will leave them - or at least be very upset with them.
Your comments lately have been so much food for thought that we're going
to write about them for 7 January. Don't worry, we're not going to slander
you. I don't think we are anyway. I'm not sure what you'd consider slanderous.
From: Columbine
Date: 1 January 1999
Subject: Re: Lachrymosa
>in other words, a definition for it (in some circles) is moot, since
it is
>used more often to delineate what something is not, rather than what
it is.
Yup. "Vanilla" usually means "boring." I don't guess we'll ever all agree
on what's boring. I imagine most people would find my sex life pretty dull
:)
By the by, I'm Columbine. Gabriel doesn't like that pseudonym for various
reasons which I won't dredge up here. Call me Todd if you like, or don't call
me anything if you like - I don't care. I just mention it because I thought
you might be having trouble matching the email address to the references.
-c
From: SAGReiss
Date: 1 January 1999
Subject: Love in black and white
The cocktail napkins had black lettering on a white background and white
lettering on a black backround. The bride's name is Maureen O'Sullivan, and
the groom is black. It was an odd party. The bar manager said to me: "It's
like the wedding of Lady Macbeth." I suggested that the lavishness of the
affaire might have had to do with the delicate issue of miscegenation. The
food alone was more than twenty thousand dollars. That's before liquor, service
(20%), and tax (9.1%), and doesn't include the band, the cake, the flowers,
the photographer etc. etc. We set up two dinner buffets loaded with seafood
and New York strip. Then we tore that down and set up a breakfast buffet.
Why anyone would want to eat breakfast two hours after dinner is beyond me,
but they did. I have found a porn site I like, since none of you bastards
is going to share his secrets with me. It's called the Sex Maze (http://www.honest-rick.com/sexmaze/),
a free and quixotic site that's a little hard to navigate, as its title might
suggest. It seems to have everything, different media, different tastes, though
everything is hard to find. I spent most of the afternoon looking at it.
I was hoping to read Veronique's sex tale, but she has welshed on her promises
again. I'm a little tired, feeling the stress of a week's non-stop drinking
and writing. I'm glad that some of you appreciate it. I hope that all of
you do. Happy New Year.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Solaris
Date: 1 January 1999
Subject: Re: Lachrymosa
Happy New Years to ya'll.
-Cyanne
From: SAGReiss
Date: 1 January 1999
Subject: Todd's holiday
At the bar:
Todd: "Jeb, may I please have a Bombay Saphire martini straight up with
a twist?"
Jeb: "Boy, you know we ain't never had that fureigner shit. What you want,
Bud or white lightening?"
Todd: "OK, I'll have a white lightening on the rocks."
Jeb: "You pussy. What you need ice for?"
Todd: "Um, it is kind of chilly. I'll have it neat."
Jeb: "You been lettin' those Godless Communist Boston bitches sit on your
fencepost?"
Todd: "No. Of course not. What gives you that idea? I'd never do that."
At home:
Todd Sr: "Son, you been a good boy this year?"
Todd: "Of course, Pa."
Todd Sr: "You ain't been lettin' that Godless Communist fornicatrix sit
on your fencepost?"
Mrs Todd Sr: "Daddy!"
Todd Sr: "I'm just axin', Ma. You don't want the boy to get AIDS, now do
you?"
Todd: "It's just like I told you, Pa. We only share the rooms to save on
rent."
At church:
Rev. Vanillabottom: "Sinners. Praise God and repent. I have in my hand the
secret report from Brother Starr. It says here that one of us, one in our
midst, one of our own, has been letting a Godless Communist Northerner sit
on his fencepost. Sodom and Gomorrah, Brothers and Sisters. Save yourselves,
or be damned."
I just don't see it, Todd. Do people simply walk up to you on the street
and tell you never to use your mouth for anything other than speaking in tongues?
It reminds me of a joke:
A French girl is marrying a Greek. On the eve of her wedding night her mother
tells her: "Whatever you do, if he asks you to turn over, don't do it." "Oui,
maman." The couple gets married, and enjoys a healthy sex life. Then one day,
the Greek husband asks his French bride to turn over: "Ah, non, cheri. If
I did I might get pregnant."
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Columbine
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Re: Love in black and white
The wedding of Lady MacBeth? I was expecting an Othello joke. In the south
weddings like that don't happen. If a mixed-race couple gets married, it's
kept very quiet. They don't lynch people anymore, but there are still towns
where no one would have anything to do with you if your spouse happened to
be another skin color. This goes back to vanilladom. I'm sorry you don't believe
me, Gabriel. I listened to preachers for years saying that homosexuals were
automatically damned, that no self-respecting female could possibly want
to take an active role in sex, much less desire somebody to lick her clitoris
every now and then. (Of course, no southern fire-and-brimstone preacher would
use "clitoris." They're often smart enough to know the word, but they'd look
too smart for their audience if they used it.)
Good Baptist wives are supposed to lie back, close their eyes, and do nothing.
What's the old phrase? "Lie back and think of England." Now, it may be that
no one takes those rules seriously in private, that a lot of Baptist churchgoers
are nodding obediently to the doctrine and then going home to do whatever
they like. But I wasn't talking about private events, I was talking about
public perception. It galls me to have a bunch of people preaching that "[fill
in sexual habit here] is wrong." Period. And I realize that my spew is wasted
here, since you strike me as the kind of person who'd do whatever you damned
well pleased in the bedroom.
I'm probably a little too defensive, since I have a quirk which is acceptable
to very few people, including you. It's not a sexual quirk, but nonetheless
it makes me very paranoid. If I were gay, I could tell my mother that without
fear of being ostracized, or of being a disappointment. If I liked getting
whipped, I could probably tell her that too - she'd live with it. A woman
who jokes about how she broke her kitchen table by having sex on it wouldn't
cast stones there. But I can't tell her that I'd really rather have been born
female. I've stopped expecting people to understand that.
From: Columbine
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Re: Todd's holiday
>Todd: "It's just like I told you, Pa. We only share the rooms to save
on rent."
Friend of mine - ex-Louisianian - lives in California with his (male) lover.
His parents never spoke to him after they found out the two had moved in together.
They've been living together for ten years now. His dad is dead; the son
was asked by a relative to not attend the funeral. He is regarded as a disgrace
to the family.
From: Columbine
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Re: Todd's holiday
I thought the joke was really funny, by the by. There's a fairly sick speech
that Spider Robinson gave at a sf convention once, in one of his books. It's
about what would happen if digestion ran the other way. ("All tables would
be lowered. Toilets would need to be dramatically redesigned.") And, he adds
offhandedly, "of course all the Greeks would become French and vice versa."
From: SAGReiss
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Desdemona's clit
I can't explain what the bar manager said. In fact what he said was even
more odd: "It's like the wedding of Lady Macbeth's mother," so I took a little
of the poetic license I've earned through my suffering. How can one talk about
a clit without using the word? A periphrase such as "seat of female lust"
could mean almost anything. No, Todd. I don't believe you because you are
not telling the truth. He said this, but he didn't say it. Well, which is
it? I can imagine a sermon about homosexuality, using for instance the Sodom
and Gomorrah text. I can imagine (somewhat less plausibly) a sermon about
masturbation, using perhaps the spilling-the-seed text. I can conceivably
imagine the same text being used to suggest that a man shouldn't come in a
woman's mouth, but again I'm not really sure how the preacher might phrase
that delicately, for this is the whole point. The language of political hatred
is always vague. Don't name the enemy too specifically. Call it "vanilla sex".
No one knows what that means. I can't even look it up in the dictionary. I
don't even know if it refers primarily to sex or race. Where does it say that
Baptist wives are not supposed to enjoy sex? Nowhere. Where does it say that
they can't sit on their husband's fencepost? Nowhere. You are barking at
the moon. At least Ken Starr is just a paid assassin. He even says he's not
concerned with what Clinton did. He's concerned about the truth, which is
fine and good. Of course he would also have Mr Bill hanged for jaywalking,
if that's the best he could find. Which is fine. They are politicians. They
are all equally guilty. How many politicians of every stripe have been caught
with their pants down? How many television evangilists? I'm not interested
in sob stories about people who want to be loved. I work with queers every
day. Some of them have been disowned. So don't tell your parents about your
foolish fantasy. I've never been to the deep South, and am never likely to
go unless Lauren invites me, which is not going to happen and which I couldn't
afford anyway, but we've all read Tennessee Williams.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Please stop the music
You are a sick bastard. Don't write me, don't talk to me, don't look at
me. If you so much as even begin to think about me, let alone attempt any
sort of communication with me I will kill you; that is if my boyfriend doesn't
do it first.
Fuck You
River
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Veroneek
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: What I Put in My Mouth Today
1 Vegetable Sub
1 Roll of Crab Sushi
1 Beef Empanada
2 Chicken Egg rolls
1 bag of chocolate rice cakes
1 liter diet Sprite
and it's only 10.15pm
From: Nichelle
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Re: Please stop the music
Why did you ask if I'm mad at you, Gabriel? Was it my lack of e-mail, or
the fact that I was a little bit grouchy on Lambda the other day? As far as
River goes, it could have been (still could be) a lot worse. After all, you
work with this girl.
The word vanilla used to describe some kind of sexual activity has always
seemed weird to me. It's a judgment- what you do is plain old boring vanilla,
what I do is spicy and tasty. Yeah, ok. Everyone to his own taste, said the
lady as she kissed the cow. Or so my mother told me as a child. Still, I got
a few good laughs out of this discussion. Having sex on New Year's Eve in
the (*gasp*) missionary position, I cried out "Help, help, I'm being fucked
like a white girl!"
Given the choices of various flavors, vanilla always comes out on top for
me. That's one of the reasons I don't really care for that term. Still, I
am open minded sexually, and there isn't much that I find shocking. For a
long time, I have avoided getting involved in bdsm discussion and even real
life play because I was afraid it would come across as saying that I was not
raped and assaulted by that boy in Canada. As if, by later becoming curious,
I was giving my consent to a past event. And not so much to myself, but to
other people, people who never really believed me anyway.
I guess I finally hit a wall. I decided I didn't give a fuck, that I was
tired of trying to be somebody I was not, tired of trying to push myself into
some kind of mold that Gabriel could accept. More on that later.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: What the River said, II
It was my title. Hers was simply and eloquently: "Re: Blind date". As I've
said to Veronique, she sounds mad, but not crazy and vindictive. I think I'll
be OK. There is also the embarassement factor. For her to do anything seriously
harmful to me she'd have to admit that we went to a bar and I felt her up.
I think she is angry, though. I wonder why? Kind of charming that she gives
a little signature: "Fuck you/River". Funny that I didn't even know her last
name until I got her letter. I think we can draw this little episode to a
close. Lauren, some words about the translation of the Bible. We have to
be very careful about what we're saying. When I speak of the Bible, I am
always, unless otherwise stated, talking about the King James Version, which
is one of the most beautiful works of literature in any language, whatever
its merits as a translation, which does not mean to us the same thing that
it did to people in 1611. Attacking it as insufficiently literal is as absurd
as attcking it for not being politically correct enough. I do not read Hebrew.
I have read portions of the Bible in Greek (what is known as the Septuagint)
and Latin (the Saint Jerome). What one has to remember about any translation
is that it can only exploit the resources of the target language at the time
it is translated. The third century BC was not a great time for Greek literature,
nor was the fourth century AD for Latin, unless you are like that bastard
Des Esseintes in A Rebours, who loves late Latin literature. The language
of the Greek has nothing to do with the magnificent, soaring loftiness of
the the fifth century. It is vulgar and common. The Latin is worse, far worse.
The English language was exploding at the turn of the sixteenth century. There
is no period with which it may reasonably be compared. If one just looks
at the theatre, which has always been the most public form of literature,
the Elizabethan and Jacobean eras show a breadth and depth of dramatic output
unmatched in any other. Some of these poets may well have worked on the King
James, possibly even including Shakes, but I think not. The timing doesn't
look right to me. The King James is quite simply the most extraordinary translation
ever made, whatever one may think about its fidelity. Read Martin Luther.
He was a baad man, who single-handedly created a unified German language,
but his book is nothing compared to the mind-boggling beauty of King James.
I thank you, girls, for writing to us a little tonight. You might imagine
that I'm feeling a little pain. Besides, I was worried that I might have to
rename this list the WBN (white boy network). It's nice to know that in my
time of stress, having just joined the AFL-CIO and possibly facing a sexual
harassement dismissal, my harem is faithful to me. Lauren has theoretically
won the 1999 sex contest, getting laid on January first, but it's not really
official until she writes to us about it. Veronique is still in contention.
I liked your joke, Cherlyn. What have you been putting in your mouth lately?
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Solaris
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Re: Love in black and white
Uhm, YES THEY DO still lynch people in the south..there were TWO lynching
last year... Mixed race couples in Alabama have one HELLUVA time of it. I
think that ANY such couple that gets married in the deep wouth needs to be
commended because they put up with more crap than any human being should have
to.
From: Nichelle
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Re: What the River said, II
What, did you think I was joking about getting laid on New Year's? Still
don't believe that I can manage that?
From: Solaris
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: (no subject)
Actually, the english translations of the Bible (New Testament) are HORRIBLE>
I have read it in the original coine, and frankly...it's been rewritten SEVERAL
TIMES for political advantage. The sermon about Sodom and Gamorrah does NOT
say "men shall not lie with men" it specifically states "men shall not forcibly
lie with youths". There are MANY sexual references that are added to the Bible
as well. Satan was added by King James. One should /Never/ take a translation
of the Bible as being the actual "word"...and I have reason that no one should
take it was teh word of God but, some of you may be Christian, and so I won't
go to that extent cause it might piss ya'll off too much. Indeed, everything
is up to interpretation, even when heard/read from the original writer/speaker.
Reason is a function of the human mind...but be careful what you read and
how you read it...
From: Cherlyn
Date: 2 January 1999
Subject: Re: What I Put in My Mouth Today
i was hoping for something a little more risqué when i saw the subject.
~ ~ ~ ~
Note and disclaimer: This signature is freeze-dried, sterilized, and pasteurized
for your protection. If this signature is missing, please do not read the
preceeding email, as its legitimacy can therefore not be verified; thus reading
it may cause harm to your physical, mental, emotional or spiritual well-being.
Cherlyn
---[end signature. life is a salad. fnord.]
From: Veroneek
Date: 3 January 1999
Subject: Re: What I Put in My Mouth Today
In a message dated 1/3/99 1:04:11 AM Eastern Standard Time, Cherlyn writes:
<< i was hoping for something a little more risqué when i saw
the subject. >>
i know. i'm just getting warmed up....or should i say, warming you up.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 January 1999
Subject: Apres-sexe
Nichelle, you are a great and brave woman. I believe anything you tell me.
Lauren, we would need to look at what text you were talking about for Sodom
and Gomorrah. I assume it was written in Hebrew. I don't know much about that,
but I'm a linguist, so I know what questions to ask. You translate "youth"
as opposed to some other translation, which you unfortunately don't identify,
"man". We need to know two things. Does the source language have two words
for "man", one meaning human being and the other meaning male human being?
How strong is the distinction between the words for "man" and "boy"? I refer
to myself indifferently as a man or a boy in English, in French, and in German.
These things are known as "sememes", the discrete elements of meaning that
make up what we understand by words. I'm also assuming, based on no evidence,
that the masculine gender is used. What we are looking for is whether the
text was saying "adult male" or "young person of either sex" or "young male".
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Columbine
Date: 3 January 1999
Subject: Re: Desdemona's clit
Very well, then, Gabriel. Have it your way. There is no sexual repression,
implied or otherwise, in the fundamentalist Christian faiths. America isn't
a place where only the most straightforward of sexual practices are tolerated
in public, despite the high amount of kinkiness in private. There is no sexual
hypocrisy in this country. All these things are true, because Gabriel says
so.
I don't expect to be able to convince you of something on hearsay, and I
don't expect to be able to convince you of something which is a matter of
opinion/interpretation, and I'm not sure why I tried.
I happen to think that I've seen ample evidence of such behavior and that
I'm right, and I happen to think that in this particular case you're full
of s**t. But, hey, you're always entitled to disagree.
Now, if you'll pardon me, my foolish fantasies and I have to go write about
the latest round of attempts to censor the web. Those aren't real either,
y'know. I made them up. CDA and COPA are just bad pizza dreams.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 January 1999
Subject: You might be a winner
That was a long day measured in e-mail, which is how I tell time. OK, I
hereby declare the 1999 sex contest still open. After all no one has written
a half-way decent sex letter yet this year. I'll let you know when you've
won. The prize is a year-long subscription to this list. No, Todd. You're
not going to convince me of anything based on hearsay or even heresy. If
you
had facts, I assume you would already have led us to the website where Billy
Graham says that women aren't allowed by Jesus to enjoy sex. I'm not
interested in anyone's opinions or interpretations. I have none to offer,
either. You aren't likely to offend anyone on this list, Lauren. I usually
take care of doing that myself, though I'm happy to share the burden, if
you
like. I may be a drunk, but I'm not dumb. I don't put people on this list
who are easily offended. Most of us are hard and mean. You needn't worry
about bruising our tender feelings. I'm sure we can handle it. Lauren
mentions the "coine" or "koine", a term used to refer to the language into
which the Hebrew portions of the Bible were translated and in which some
of
the New Testament was written. It's a vulgar dialect, Greek past its prime,
with far too many participles and paratax. This has usually been the fate
of
the Bible in translation. It's dumbed down, made for television, even Martin
Luther's version. The exception is the King James, which was written right
at the precise moment when the English language had hit its historical cusp.
I'm not sure what she means by "inventing Satan" or God for that matter,
except that the English tends to use one or two words to refer to the
protagonist and antagonist, whereas the Hebrew text, written by many authors
over hundreds of years, uses many words for them. I have to take a shower,
shave, put on my tuxedo and go to my job at the strip joint, er restaurant.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Solaris
Date: 3 January 1999
Subject: Re: What the River said, II
Oh so ya'll want to know what happened that I got laid? WEll, okay here
it is. I suck as a writer, so don't expect anything terribly good. :)
My friends, Blake and Fred, threw a little get together for New Year's Eve.
There were about 10 people there and a little bit of alcohol, though no one
got drunk. The local weed dealer got arrested, so no one was smoking out (and
I"m allergic to THC anyway.....). Blake and Fred were working on a cutie named
Carrie, and everyone was making comments because it was right out in the
open. So, Carrie's friend Shannon asked me if I'd like to steal Carrie (with
her) from Blake and Fred. I said yes, and we dragged Carrie to the middle
of the room and proceeded to feel her up/kiss her/etc. Shannon was advernturous
and removed her shirt and shoes. Carrie had already lost her bra to Blake.
Shannon's interest moved to Michelle and they sat back and watched as I went
down on Carrie. I found out that Carrie is rather loud....not /quite/ a screamer,
but close. She had a sharp scent and a tangy taste, but not bad at all. She
was definitely not a virgin because I could easily use my entire hand inside
of her, and she did seem to enjoy that. She came and we sat together on the
couch. About five minutes later, Carrie started down on me. It was amusing
becuase I"m VERY ticklish, especially with people I've never met before.
Also when she was going down on me and I was in the midst of my ecstasy I
hear "Wow, a natural redhead!". I started laughing, which actually increased
my sensation a bit, as I looked over and saw that Michelle was now going
down on Shannon (the natural redhead). I did come to the ministrations of
her tongue ring....damn, I gotta look into girls wiht those. :) That kicked
ass. I stayed about an hour longer and then had to drive home in a daze, praying
htat I didn't get pulled over by a cop or stopped at a DUI checkpoint....taking
a breathalizer with pussy on my breath would be REALLY interesting.....especially
in Alabama. While they'd know I had not been drinking (well, I had but that
was 4 hrs before and only one drink) they'd also know I'd been gettin' some.
There ya go Gabriel. That's how it went.
-Cyanne
From: Solaris
Date: 3 January 1999
Subject: Re: Apres-sexe
Actually there are separate words for man, youth, and boy. The word for
"boy" tends to mean a baby boy. A youth is a young boy who has not completed
his education....more than likely between teh ages of 7 and 19. The word
for man is for a male who has completed his education and has some experience....usually
military experience. Usually this reference is used for men over 35 but occasionally
for men from 19-35.....a youth /can/ be older than 19...and often is, but
is not considered an adult.
From: Solaris
Date: 3 January 1999
Subject: Re: You might be a winner
It is thought that the Bible was written in coine by non-natives of Greece;
ones for whom Greek was NOT their first language. Also, many of hte people
who were credited with writing the Bible (New Testament) were not able to
write as far as historians can tell...scribes recorded it for them. So, yes
it is a little sketchy and simplified in the coine. The sentences are UNUSUALLY
short. (Gabriel can probably attest to the fact taht a Greek sentence can
take up 3 pages....run on sentences just don't exist as an error in Greek
grammar....they're the norm.)
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 January 1999
Subject: Professional
I was riding the elevator with a sleazy Mexican waiter: "Which of the chicas
do you like?" I stiffled the urge to throttle him. I stared at my shoes. I
felt like the hero of a Sophoclean tragedy, seeing my fate, but powerless
to avoid it. I hated him. Inside I screamed: "Shut the fuck up you crazy Spic."
I mumbled: "Dunno." I knew what was next: "What's the name of that girl with
the big marambas?" My mind was paralysed with fear: "Fucking slow elevators."
"River, that's it. Te gusta?" The whole day was like that, and she wasn't
even there. I thought: "Well, no one has told me I'm fired, so I might as
well work." My senses were hypersensitive. I felt this overwhelming guilt
and shame. Why do I get myself into these messes? It was Open House. Ivo
said to me: "Don't offer them coffee or anything. Avoid eye contact." "That's
fine with me, bro. I'm not feeling very sociable." I'll be OK, though. I
won't see her for at least a week. We'll both have time to cool off. She'll
go to the company party, and I won't. She'll see that I'm not going to make
trouble for her. Besides, she chose to react emotionally rather than with
calm vengeance. She can't take back her e-mail either. She did threaten me
with grievous bodily harm, not to mention conspiracy to have me mudered by
her bf, not that I would ever dream of using that against her, now would I?
That was a lovely letter, Lauren. I may or may not be the only member of
this list who masturbated after reading it. I needed to release my stress
anyway. E-mail is a pretty informal genre. I work at it. Sometimes I feel
like I raise it to the level of art. There's plenty of gravitas in Nichelle's
"There's no such thing as paranoia" letters. I was very happy with one word
in "Lacrymosa". The word "bearded" does double duty. It tells you that the
doctor is a monsieur, and it gives you a visual image, one that possibly made
you laugh. Ideally a word can also play an important role in the phonetic
structure, but I'm seldom that good.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Solaris
Date: 4 January 1999
Subject: Re: Professional
Actually, I found it interesting that you commented on the use of words
in the phoenetic Gabriel. I actually "hear" things when I read...different
voices, etc. I tend to be rather non-visual, probably because I was nearly
blinded as a child from nasty eye infections. I usually like works of the
sort that "sound" good to me when I read them. Perhaps that's another reason
I like to hear a woman's pleasure when in bed rather than see it. The soft
moans, the whispers, the occasional scream...that's what I like. That's how
I know if I've truly done her well or not. I could listen to a sexy woman's
voice forever, but only look at a woman's body for a few minutes without
distraction. Sound captivates and motivates me. Perhaps this is also why
I enjoy music so much. *shrug* I dunno....
From: SAGReiss
Date: 4 January 1999
Subject: Last call
I ate a light lunch at the Club, tabouleh with shrimp and a salad of marinated
tomatoes and cucumbers, then headed for the unemployment office to file my
claim. As I waited in line, an old black man keeled over and slumped to the
floor. No one moved. He lay there for a few minutes before a huge, burly,
black, security-medical man arrived. He picked up the body. They talked, then
the man said: "We got to go," and staggered out. So now I have to call every
Sunday and report my hours and estimated income. They guarentee me $319 a
week, less taxes. Svetlana was lying. It's always hard to know what her game
is. She is the union shop steward, but she performs management functions,
such as scheduling. I talked to the catering manager. She told me that it's
going to be dead until April. I have decided it would be safe to take a cure,
so I finished my bottles of Scoresby and Valpolicella last night, and will
spend a month or so sober. What I meant by phonetics is pretty standard stuff,
what Roman Jakobson writes about poetry, for instance. There's an example
on our web site, the button labelled "Shakes 106".
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 January 1999
Subject: Northwestern bacalao
The vegetables are prepped for tonight and tomorrow. The stock is simmering.
Food seems more important now that I've quit drinking. After one drinks a
pint of whisky, a crust of stale bread, some moldy cheese and a bottle of
red wine will do. Tonight I'm baking a cod filet in white wine with carrots,
celery, potatoes and jalapeno peppers. For dessert a bit of Port Salut. Tomorrow
I'll bake bread and make tomato sauce and lamb stew with white beans. I'll
also get my head shaved. I need that mean and ugly look just in case I have
to face disciplinary hearings or am caught committing gross unemployment fraud.
The booklet explains in stern words the terrible things that might happen
if "overcompensation" occurs. This can happen for two reasons, error or malfaisance.
Basically I would have to pay them back. Unfortunately they don't explain
what happens if "undercompensation" occurs, presumably through error because
the State cannot commit malfaisance. In other words I've decided to make
sure that a slight under-reporting error happens every week to insure that
I get the cash. My blood alcohol rate is plunging well below the dangerous
depths of 2.0. I'll soon be legal to drive even in this Nazi-teetotaler state
where 0.8 is the new limit. One of the first people they nabbed was an off-duty
cop, who only got caught because he killed someone in a crash on New Year's
Day. I don't like being sober very much. I need a little project to occupy
my mind and possibly even my body in my new existence as a Welfare Queen.
Given that there's some new blood, I thought we could try something that we've
tried before with mixed results, a little interactive literary criticism,
phonetics even. Can someone choose a text, preferably something manageable
such as a poem of fifteen hundred words or fewer? It would probably have to
be in English, as there are a few unapologetic monolinguists on this list.
Cherlyn, perhaps there's something you're reading at school.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: What's your flavor?
"'Vanilla' is a horrid expedient. It doesn't mean the same thing to any
two people. Complicating the matter, it's usually used negatively. When you're
talking about sex, 'vanilla' means boring."
If "vanilla" means "boring", then its meaning should be quite clear to everyone.
Everyone understands what is meant by the expression "boring book", though
not everyone agrees on its pertinence to any given text. If you mean "boring
sex", why not just say so?
"The reason we use 'vanilla' at all is that we often need an opposite term
for 'kinky' or 'perverse.'"
The word "vanilla" is the antonym of the terms "kinky" and "perverse", which
we must then assume to be synonyms, which must, if we follow the above paragraph,
mean "interesting".
"This is an important problem to us! It's not just a semantic debate. Since
'kinky' or 'not kinky' is a judgement call, we have to be very careful to
not propose a spectrum of 'kinkiness' which is at odds with the way the majority
of our readers define things."
This is a perfectly specious argument. We are talking about the definition
of words. The name of that branch of linguistics is semantics. I'll pass on
the lack of agreement between the subject "majority" and the verb "define",
but that is one fucking ugly and easily avoidable split infinitive. How much
more elegantly the sentence could be rewritten: "we have to be very careful
not to propose a spectrum".
"Unfortunately it seems the only solid, workable definition of 'kinky' is
'whatever I don't personally do.' Anything too outré for you is automatically
kinky. Once you do it regularly - voila! - it stops being kinky."
Since Nichelle is learning French, I'd suggest you put an accent on "voilà"
as well as "outré". So, the expression "kinky", which we defined above
as "interesting" (the opposite of "vanilla" or "boring"), is now defined as:
"whatever I don't personally do". By the same token "vanilla" must now mean
"whatever I do personally do".
"Meanwhile - back to our irate reader - we continue to use the vague terms
'kinky' and 'vanilla,' although we don't like them either. Because we have
nothing better to use. Nor, we say emphatically, does anyone else."
You are right. I can't find an adjective that means simultaneously "interesting"
and "what I don't personally do" or another that means "boring" and "what
I do personally do". Have I put words in your mouth? Is it asking too much
of you to follow your argument coherently from paragraph to paragraph? There
is a reason why authors are encouraged not to use ambiguous or poorly defined
jargon. It leads to confusion on the part of the reader, as well as the writer.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: Agnus dei
The whole flat stinks of garlic and olive oil and seared lamb. I'm surprised
the neighbors haven't complained. I'm surprised the fire alarm hasn't gone
off. I have no idea what I'm making. It isn't stew. I couldn't find a recipe
which answered to what I wanted to do, so I improvised. After soaking half
a pound of great northern beans, I cut up four cloves of garlic, half an onion,
a jalapeno pepper, two carrots, two potatoes and four branches of celery.
I threw the vegetables into a big Dutch oven seething with olive oil. I split
a one-pound lamb shank and put it into an olive-oil-laden skillet on the
back burner, which I mistakenly set on high. By the time I realized what
was wrong, the whole stovetop was splattering scalding oil. I fended away
the volcanic eruptions with an oven mit, turned down the heat, and fearlessly
defended my lamb, browning it tenderly on each side. I then added the meat
to the vegetables and proceeded to deglaze the skillet with white wine. Columns
of steam rose to the ceiling as the wine hissed and evaporated. I spooned
the elixir into the Dutch oven, added the beans, threw in seventeen herbs
and spices, and poured water over the whole thing. I'll let it simmer for
a couple of hours, and serve with the bread I made yesterday. I think what
it will most ressemble is a cassoulet.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Solaris
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: Re: What's your flavor?
WEll, I do have to agree.....and all such terms, when referring to sex,
ARE subjective. I mean, well..I consider heterosexual sex VERY boring...(go
figure, I'm lesbian). But, some might say that lesbianism in itself is "kinky"....
I think the real issue is that people try to avoid talking directly about
sex. I generally tell people taht yes, the sex was bad/boring/beyond me/etc.
But, I've rarely come across a partner who was so willing to actually come
out and Say it. Americans have some weird habbits/customs. Some of those are
in the way Americans approach sex. We teach our children that sex is a terrible,
awful, sinful thing. But, when they become teenagers they're often taught
that their sexuality is what truly defines them. How many partners they have
determines how good a person they are...which I think is a little crazy.
But, there are mixed messages. It is my thought that people use things like
'vanilla' in a way to try and hide teh fact that they're talking about sex,
etc. Have you ever been in a conversation with friends or co-workers, or
just people in general where the people wouldnt' even say the word "sex" or
used other names for parts of their genetalia? I know that I have...and I've
ONLY encountered that happening in the United States. (Now granted I did
have some experience with it in Europe/Asia...but not NEARLY like here in
the US.) I think that to some extent it is subconscious, but it IS socially
based...and I am rather irritated with it. Why the hell can't people just
SAY things as they are? *shrug* Oh well....enough of that.
-Lauren/Cyanne
From: Joy
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: Re: Agnus dei
post it gabe post it remember how i gave you rights to all possible future
financial gains?
besides, i have no idea what the last word in your lastemail means..
for some of us, gourmet is NOT krystals (sp?) .. but just about everything
else is. fon those of you that don't have the honor of knowing the fine chain
fastfood gaint named krystals.. people around here affectionately term those
little burgers "gut bombs", among other things..
one day, arkasha, we will all have delete keys
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: Joy
Joy, darling. I didn't log it. You can post it, if you like.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Nichelle
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: crazy
I'm too insane to write e-mail, but the Agnus Dei joke was pretty good.
OK, if you want to analyze some fine literature, here is my contribution,
an e-mail from work:
"how do I do to buy and like you they do do to order this cd and for how
much he is with the shipping expenses? hello he/she would like to buy a cd
of its store but do I live in Brazil, would he/she like to know like you they
order the cd and if I pay some thing the more in the coming of the cd to
Brazil?"
From: Nichelle
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: misc_feedback_popcorn_sorry
(What your Amazon.com dollars are wasted on.)
Jeanne wrote:
> Sorry about the burnt popcorn--smell, smoke and all--that would be
due
> to my vast experience with microwaves.
> jeanne
Dear Jeanne,
Thank you for writing to us with your concern. In addition to delicious,
buttery, perfectly-popped popcorn, one of the benefits we'd like to offer
you is clean, breathable air, and we have not met that standard in this case.
Please accept my sincere apologies.
For future reference, please note that average popping times range from
2-5 minutes. There is a handy way to monitor the progress of your popcorn
yourself- simply listen to the popping rate until the popping slows to 1-2
seconds between pops. You can then remove the bag yourself from the microwave.
Please feel free to contact us if you have any further questions or concerns,
and thank you for popping at Amazon.com!
Best Regards,
Nichelle
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: Strong emotions
I need to take a bath. That was an overwhelming dining experience. It was
like wading out into a fetid swamp teeming with white beans and orange carrots,
awash with hot slicks of olive oil and lamb's blood, stalks of rosemary growing
wild. (I hope no one here is a vegetarian.) All it needed to be perfect was
a really tannic wine from Languedoc, such as a vin du Gard, and some Roquefort
to cleanse the palate. If I ever get laid again, I'll make a real cassoulet
for the wronged party, with goose fat and duck meat and saucisses de Toulouse
and lard. Fuck, the damned thing only took a couple of hours to make.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Nichelle
Date: 7 January 1999
Subject: Re: Strong emotions
>It was like wading out into a fetid swamp teeming with white beans and
orange carrots,
>awash with hot slicks of olive oil and lamb's blood, stalks of rosemary
growing wild.
Nothing to whet the appetite like a fetid swamp.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 9 January 1999
Subject: Call me Gabriel
Veronique was asking questions about my socio-economic status last night
on the MOO, so I thought I might answer within reach of all curious ears.
I work as a waiter in a private social club for rich people, and belong to
the AFL-CIO affiliated Hotel Employees Restaurant Employees union local 8.
While I earned two thousand dollars in December, plus a two-hundred-dollar
Christmas bonus, my wages are more likely to range between twelve and fifteen
hundred in the slow season. That's why I've filed for unemployment. I think
I could actually live on a thousand a month, but I'd have to quit smoking
as well as drinking. I have no debts. I have no car. I have no television.
I have no long distance telephone service. I'll soon have health insurance.
I'll go back to my former job at another private club when it re-opens in
June. I can earn two thousand a month there. I guess that's called working
class. I'd be more inclined to call it working poor, but the U.S. government
has such stringent requirements for poverty that it's almost impossible to
be poor without dependants. I think a family of four is supposed to live on
my wages and not ask for help. Not that I'm complaining. I have a 'puter and
internet access. I bake my own bread and cook my own food, when I don't eat
at the restaurant. There's nothing I want that costs money. I have never participated
in the 401k plans offered to me because I have no hope for the future, thus
no real fear, and I've never planned on staying put at a job. I may reconsider
when I go back to the Tennis Club, especially if they give me a dollar or
two raise and I'm feeling rich. I've just heard Jay Gould quoted on the radio:
"I could hire half of the working class to kill the other half."
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Veroneek
Date: 9 January 1999
Subject: Pilates and Risotto
I'm feeling limber and energetic after my first Pilates class this morning.
It's as if someone grabbed one half of me and pulled one way, and someone
else grabbed the other half of me and pulled the other way. A sad metaphor
for my life -- where's King Solomon when I need him? Nevertheless a good distraction
from last week -- as my British colleagues would say, "I'm knackered." To
further my distraction, I've got a bubbling pot of Thai Risotto on the stove,
for which I've just invented the recipe. I'm feeling really good with half
a bottle of sweet German wine in stomach and the smell of arburio rice, peanuts,
cumin, onions, garlic and coconut milk in the air. Even better "...1.5% of
the value of the Peanut Sauce I've added to my Risotto is used to help protect
the endangered Asian Elephant. It is not too late, they can be saved...."
From: Cherlyn
Date: 10 January 1999
Subject: Re: Strong emotions
>(I hope no one here is a vegetarian.)
i am, but i don't take personal offense at the serving of meat, much less
the mentioning of said serving. i found meat delicious, and like any addiction,
it took a good while to get over. in any case, even if the subject of meat
*was* offensive, it could no doubt not be moreso than other subjects of this
list's procurement that i've been happy to dismiss. speaking of this list,
and of procurement; is it truly a list, or is it a cooking show in disguise?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 10 January 1999
Subject: The kinky gourmet
That would be Jeff Smith, a homeboy who has just settled a child-abuse civil
lawsuit. I'm not sure why you use the word: "procurement", Cherlyn. In French
that term refers to the prosecutor of a trial. In English I think it usually
means the orgasmiser of a white slavery trade. "Il n'y a que deux choses qui
interessent tout le monde," said the French curate to his flock: "Le cul
et la bouffe." I'd prefer we talked a little more about sex and literature.
Unfortunately I no longer read, and only have sex with myself. I don't really
think anyone is interested in knowing how I masturbate three or four times
a day. I am right-handed by nature, ambidexrous by training. In a restaurant
one must carry sixty-pound oval trays on the weak side, so that the strong
hand is free to deal with revolving doors, thoughtless managers and the occasional
falling object. I have caught salads and sandwiches. Once I even miraculously
caught a twelve-ounce glass of Coke as it plummeted towards a guest. The whole
table stared in silence. I smiled and gently placed the glass in front of
the gentleman. I wasn't even trying to catch it. I wanted to bat it towards
my chest, so that I would take the hit. The damned thing just stuck to the
palm of my hand without spilling a drop. That was a brilliant and beautiful
insight, Todd, that the single most common sexual act is masturbation. It's
the kind of simple, obvious thought that no one ever thinks because everyone's
too busy trying to say something smart. I also should have mentioned a small
punctuation problem you seem to be having. There were a couple of examples
in the texts I cited. When one uses quotation marks, the punctuation should
come after the end-quote unless the syntax of the text within quotations demands
it. In other words only put the punctuation within the quotation marks if
the quotation is a grammatical clause, not a word or phrase. I wonder whether
you think I was being unfair or picayune. I ran a word count on "vanilla"
and "kink" in your column. (To run specific word or character counts on Word,
one simply uses the find function to replace a word or character by itself.
The number of changes made gives you the answer.) I found that you used "vanilla"
twelve times, of which I quoted four occurrences, and "kink" twenty-seven
times, of which I quoted eight. That is not self-servingly selective or unfair.
Nor do I think it was small-minded. After all we were talking about the meaning
of those words. In fact I had begun with the intention of doing something
else entirely. I was going to compare your definitions of "vanilla" and "kinky"
with the dictionary's. However once I collated your texts, I realized that
you couldn't even agree with yourself what they mean, let alone with a dictionary.
I did learn that "vanilla" is derived from the Latin "vagina" which means
"sheath". Also one can find your acceptation of "vanilla" under "plain-vanilla",
a seventies' coinage. The moral of the story is that it's a lot harder than
it looks to write a weekly column (especially one that holds up to my critical
and analytical reading) or daily e-mail. Todd's is no better and no worse
than Suzy Bright's, and she gets paid to do it. Lauren's letter entitled "Re:
What the River said, II" (Why do you people use my titles? I know they're
catchy, but do your own work.) is great and good, but one can't have wild
orgies every day. Most nights at the strip joint are probably, like most nights
at the restaurant, boring and stupid rather than funny and stupid. Still
I'd like to hear about it. What I liked about my letters entitled "Agnus dei"
and "Strong emotions" is that I made the simple act of cooking and eating
supper sound like the battle of Hastings. That is the difference between life
and art. Art seeks to give universal expression to the personal and the mundane.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Solaris
Date: 11 January 1999
Subject: question
Hey, I jsut had a question for all of you. I need a good white wine for
cooking. I found a GREAT recipe for chicken simmered in white wine. I rarely
ever use alcohol/drink alcohol, so I just wondered what you all recommend.
It seems to me that you all have fairly good taste in food, at least from
what I've read so far. If the recipe works out well, I'll send it to anyone
who wants it.
g'night and thanks!
-Lauren
From: SAGReiss
Date: 11 January 1999
Subject: (Un)employment
I was still trembling half an hour after I had used the "more convenient
and faster" touch tone system to file my first weekly claim. First there's
this terrible threatening message warning about the evils of false claims.
Next comes a rapid-fire interrogation which tricks the innocent caller by
asking questions that are not on the written form. I screwed up, of course.
I called this morning to clear up the mess. I hope it's OK. As Nichelle can
bear witness, I have a pathological fear and hatred of the telephone. Mine
never rings. Even when I'm not online, the bell is turned off. Please leave
voice mail. I don't talk on the phone. I've got another crazy scheme I was
talking to Lauren about last night. Portland Community College is looking
for a full-time French teacher to the tune of $37,500. I think I'm their man,
despite the small fact that I haven't got a master's degree, and they'll probably
be deluged by starving waiters with Ph.D.s. After all, I have nothing to
lose but my pride, and we all know I haven't got a lot of that left to lose.
I'm sorry about another cooking class, Cherlyn, but you do have some control
over this list. I'd just as soon hear about your weird sex adventures or
what poetry they've got you reading in school. There are two questions to
be considered, Lauren. How much wine do you need, and what do you intend to
do with the rest of the bottle? If you don't need a lot of wine, and don't
want to serve or drink the rest, use cooking wine, but don't add any salt
because cooking wine is highly salted. (In fact don't add salt no matter what.
Salt doesn't enhance the flavor of anything. It just makes it taste like
salt.) If the wine is a major ingredient, or you want to serve or drink the
rest, choose an everyday white Burgundy probably available in your area from
Georges Duboef or Louis Jadot, the Coke and Pepsi of the Rhone. If you want
something better go for a Bordeaux Graves sec, or a Sancerre, or even a Riesling
vin d'Alsace. Don't buy anything that doesn't say AOC. Another option is
a Pinot Grigio from Italy. I don't know anything about California wine.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 11 January 1999
Subject: bgates sr
Every time I see bgates' father I'm surprised at how tall he is, at least
six four, his shoulders stooped with age. Instead of becoming a murderer and
a thief his son could have played basketball. I've finished one part of the
PCC application, answering their evil little questions and tweaking the lies
on my resume. To my endless relief they don't ask for letters of recommendation,
only three names and phone numbers. Shiiit, I can give them that. The hard
part is getting them off their fat asses to write something not too vicious
about someone they loathe. They won't say anything bad about me on the phone.
In their heart they know they screwed me, and I was innocent. I'm just waiting
for the college to send me the official application form, which should be
a mere formality, unless they ask embarassing about a master's degree. I've
gotten over one more hurdle at work, the employee party. If River had said
something out of drunken foolishness, I'd have heard about it tonight. Tomorrow
evening is the real test. We're working together. I'll take my cues from
her. If she smiles, I'll smile. If she greets me, I'll greet her. Otherwise
I'll ignore her completely. I think it will be fine. On the other hand I'm
not so sure about this unemployment thing. I've got nine shifts this week,
more than thirty hours with only one breakfast and one cocktail, where we
make less money. Oh well, I'll think of something.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Nichelle
Date: 11 January 1999
Subject: in my mouth,etc.
I guess you're probably dying to know what I've been eating, eh? Black-eyed
peas, cooked with a ham hock (almost typed cock, oops), carrots, onions, garlic,
greens, a little vinegar, some olive oil, a bay leaf. It smells pretty darned
good. Murder, you still alive? I met an acquaintance of yours, and I have
a possible duet date with a guy who went to Central.
From: Joy
Date: 12 January 1999
Subject: Fw: Re: hello love
sorry if i sent this twice but PINE is acting up could you sent this to
the list if it never made it the first time?
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Joy
Date: 12 January 1999
To: Zule
Subject: Re: hello love
Winter slump? join the crowd.
E decided he wasn't sure after he had a dream one night so after Much discussion
we?/he decided to forego getting operation. So instead of abstinence(sp?)
which is what we had been doing - it's now the pill, condoms, and the rhythm
method. This is fucking (no pun intended) ridiculous. I envy Gingko more and
more everyday. When I'm not doing well it's best that I have no libido anyway.
I need to take more cues from the cat - she keeps laying in areas where
there is a lot of light, be it natural or man-made. The past week I've spent
2 days trying to get as much light as possible (which probably isn't saying
much) and I felt much more mobile.
I'm nervous as hell. Today I was advised for classes and I found out most
of my grades. I knew they were bad. I have to get an academic probation preson
(a 'specialist') to talk to. Whenever I start telling my advisors my problems
/ school / my life - and I mean telling them Alot - they start to get flustered
and upset because it's their job to help me and they realize that they really
can't do a damn thing for me. They also realize that the reason why I was
so flippant about everything is because I know in advance that this meeting
with them wouldn't change a damn thing. They start to get this concerned look
in their eye and they frequently put an elbow on the table while resting their
forehead in their hand. blah blah
But back to being nervous. I had some old oriental guy who is probably someone
in some science dept 'advising' me. he was of little help. they are mostly
useless. at least i understood what he was saying. one time i had some chem
prof who could hardly speak english. -- So i signed up for classes blindly.
I signed up for something called Ethology / Sociobiology. I have no idea what
that is. I looked up ethology in the dictionary and was still lost. It just
didn't have anything about stat-math in the title.. after I had crossed out
the classes I had already taken, and the classes I know not to take b/c I've
had the profs before and wanted to strangle them then... not much left. As
it is, I have an 8:00 am class MWF. Perception. To say I feel disorganized
and unprepared would be a massive understatement at this point. I'm already
really jumpy again.. well, more than usual... er, more than i have been..
Gingko is sleeping on my foot/ankle which is preventing me from uh being
able to ah type in the best manner, i'm twisted up a ibt
i have been playing Fallout 2 lately. THat's about All I've been doing.
Havent been able to eat or sleep much lately .. 12 hrs straigt is not that
unusual.. oh well all good things come to an end I suppose.
I heard the sp? deftones on the radio today.. no wait on Monday.. surprised
me a bit.
Looking around, I am starting to realize how much of a sinking feeling i
have about this semester. the orderliness (no the messiness - if it's organized
to you, if you can find things, thats all that matters) of one's room (or
desk?) is a reflection of how one is doing upstairs. Clothes that haven't
been cleaned since oh November, dirty dishes everywhere, and dirty clothes
everywhere, and little 'projects' everywhere, garbage everywhere, the carpet
is begging to be vacuumed i need to clean the bathroom - particularly the
remnants of a blood trail (E has been under a lot of stress lately (who isn't)
and when stressed frequently has nosebleeds on a god-like scale) and while
I did a few dishes the other day, I think they are all dirty again, not to
mention the two Monster pots that I have quarantined to their own little bags
so they won't spread...
The cat leans back and flexes her front right paw luxuriously. and she does
it again.. and again.. and again..
I wonder if I have any paper... I should probably go back to sleep.. (if
I can) for it's only 10:53 and maybe, just maybe, I'll have a few more moments
of 'rest'
Apres moi, le deluge (boy do i hate french)
(Gingko stretches again)
wbs
joy
From: Joy
Date: 12 January 1999
Subject: (no subject)
again, could you forward this to this list? thanks. i'm really getting angry
at PINE.
there is this restaurant in new orleans .. in the french quarter.. that
I think might be up your alley, sagreiss/gabe/whatever. i have no idea what
the name of it is.. so yes, i'm horribly helpful but this is a place where
one is a career waiter. they are paid well. they apprentice. the sr waiter
takes the orders (no pen and paper here, memorization) and the jr waiter helps
to bring things in. it takes many years to 'graduate'. and of course it's
extremely french. i heard about this place from my french prof. for some
reason, when you mentioned carrying 60 lb trays in one hand it reminded me
of this place. Where there is an art to dining. where people are never noisy
(supposedly b/c the french ahve more manners than oh, someone i suppose..
maybe those crude americans)
this was netioned in classes..back in sept? so i may have thedetails wrong,
but..
i know Nothing of this whole 'dining' thing, where eating is an extended
experience, where one savors the flavors.. i know McDs and Dynasty Express
(CHinese) and digornos (sp?) and and
i remember having this argument with my older brother.. quite awhile ago
(10 yrs) where we were arguing about macaroni. I have been raised on Kraft
Macaroni. so was he, but apparently he decided upon the heresy that Kraft
was inferior to homemade macaroni (before you get riled up, i didn't feel
like wiritng 'and cheese' every single damn time) and he liked that that stuff
with the bloated macaroni and ivory color (ICK). He's always been far more
adventurous than me when it comes to food. After all, as a young kid he would
eat hamburgers WITH their buns. I always thought that the bread flavor would
interfere with teh meat flavor. not to mention taht the buns frequently seemed
to meld to the meat and this disturbed me (all of this is in reference to
McD burgers) i always wanted my hamburgers with ketchup only, which had the
side benefit of being always fresh and hot.. not aged like the others.. i
would unwrap the burger and take the lid off (lukas with teh lid off someone
shoot me please) and of course they never put enough ketchup on. opening
up a few ketchup packets and smearing them across the top, i would pick up
the meat patty like.. um.. hard to describe.. like i was holding a small
tennis ball in my hand.. the patty on the tips of my fingers.. perhaps something
like holding up a tray? .. and would delicately nibble away while ignoring
the stares of the other patrons. It wasn't until um maybe age 14 that i was
finally able to incorporate the bun part into my diet.. which is a good thing
b/c it makes eating with one hand while driving a simpler and less ketchup-hazardous
task.
This is what I know of food. My family was always on the go. everyone had
their own busy schedule and no one's ever agreed. i know nothing of 'sit-down'
dinners. i used to be able to completely change in the car (w/o showing any
skin) from my usual clothes to my ballet stuff (since i had just finished
a cello lesson) and gobble up my dinner in less than 5 minutes in heavy traffic
without getting sick. the cello lesson was immediately after a school club
.. which would meet immediately afterschool and there's no way in hell that
i would've considered wearing that damn leotard in school... oh i did a few
times but it was rare. and probably somewhat disguised.. i would get home
at oh 7:30 let's say. ira, always the workaholic would make it home within
the next hour. he'll eat most anything. ive seen him consume some of the scariest
combinations of leftovers.. he didn't seem to mind. it was always amusing
that mom would dislike how he 'slurped up his food' or brought the dish closer
to his face. Mom never did understand that Ira has wonderful manners.. for
a CHinese. Mom is 'Southern', of course. born in ky, grew up in al, later
lived in tn.. but no, she's actually Southern. she knows all of those queer
(used in the sense of 'unusual') Southern things.
back to that place in new orleans.. they serve multi-course meals. i know
that probably sounds pretty bread-and-butter to you (ha! i kill myself sometimes)
but it's odd(?) to me. E has encouraged my salad eating (as a kid i would
always steal the carrots from the salad. no way i was going to eat that other
stuff) so the idea of eating a salad first is losing some of its novelty.
i probably had my first salad about the same time that I actually started
to include the bread into my hamburgers.
i'm sure that you all find this horribly fascinating, but i guess i kind
of wanted to give some sort of my background (or lack thereof) with food so
when i seem vague on the details.. like the restaurant i was attempting to
describe earlier.. it's because i'm ignorant. i know a few basic things about
utencil placement ubt se should all be using chopsticks anyway.. I had a
fit when i realized that e before eating a meal would set the table. with
napkins and everything!! Weird. fortunately i've been able to alter that
a bit, but
oh well.
-joy
From: SAGReiss
Date: 12 January 1999
Subject: Raise the roof
"Gabriel, I need to talk to you." I hadn't said a word all evening. I didn't
even notice if she was feeling uncomfortable, which would be understandable,
because I was so busy averting my eyes. I wasn't even the first employee fired
for sexual harassment today. The queerest of the gay boys got drunk and stupid
at the employee party and did something weird that got him fired. He told
the general manager to fuck off, which I thought was rather a poor strategy.
I walked into the office with the food and beverage director, who is a good
young man, and there sat the exececutive vice president, who is a good man,
and the general manager, who is a wicked and evil beast, though he was on
his best behavior this evening. The executive vice president began. He told
me that River had complained that she could not work with me because of some
e-mail that I had written. He said that she had asked me to stop. He went
on for a bit. He asked for my side of the story. I still wasn't sure what
was going on. No one had said anything concrete. I asked: "Did she say that
I stopped when she asked me to?" The answer was an honest yes. I didn't really
feel like saying anything in my defense, so I said: "I'm sorry." The general
manager butted in, pulling out a manila folder with papers in it, presumably
my cherished letters. He said that she felt afraid. He mentioned something
about Rohypnol. (Americans are all fucking crazy. Rohypnol is a sleeping
pill, a little better than valium, but not as good as demerol. My doctor
in France used to prescribe it for me.) Ugly words were said about "hostile
environment". Finally it became clear to me that I wasn't being scolded or
written up. This is the moment when they slip the needle into Mr Bill's arm.
I suggested that I might like to have a union representative present. I hold
no rancor towards River. She did what she had to do. She needs to work just
like me. But I think I might have a case. It didn't take place at work. She
gave me her e-mail address. I stopped when she asked me to. Surely not everything
that women decide ex post facto they don't like is illegal. They still wanted
to hear me defend myself. I refused. I stubbornly insisted that I would only
speak with union support: "I'm alone facing three managers. I have no help,
no advice, not even a witness." The general manager explained the grievance
procedure, not that I believe a word he said: "Go tell Joe that you have
been terminated for sexual harassment."
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 12 January 1999
Subject: And then there were nine
One of our members has asked to be excused because of a possible entaglement
of her e-mail address in my grievance procedure. Please delete her name from
your address book. If anyone else wants to leave, that's fine with me. I apologize
that your names appear on the e-mail I sent to River, which is now semi-public.
This is not a list for faint-hearted fairies. We're all adults here. I know
what I'm doing.
*** Connected ***
Apartment 7
one-bedroom flat
cherlyn (asleep) is here.
page shaix You give great advice. I've just been fired for sexual harassment.
Shaix pages, "Are you joking with me?"
page shaix I never joke.
Shaix pages, "Yes you do. That's why I asked. Are you serious, Gabriel?"
page shaix I just hope the union Man takes me seriously when I go there
tomorrow morning asking to file a grievance.
Shaix pages, "You should. That really sucks. I'm surprised."
page shaix I don't know anything yet. I have to print all that e-mail, but
before I can do so I must change the ribbon. I'll deal with it tomorrow. It's
early. I'm going to get drunk and feel oppressed.
Shaix pages, "You seriously lost your job? I just can't believe it. Your
manager must be a fucking loser."
page shaix I was fired with extreme prejudice. They spared me the indignity
of being escorted to the door.
Shaix pages, "Fuck. I'm sorry to hear it, Gabriel. I really am."
page shaix I just hope the union will at least give me token representation.
I can defend myself, but I need their strength behind me. I can't afford a
lawyer.
Shaix pages, "Exactly. Will you be able to get another job?"
page shaix Theoretically, yes. But I have to deal with the union, deal with
unemployment because my status has brutally changed. I can't do those things
and look for a job at the same time.
Shaix pages, "Gah. So, I assume that you will not go to financial ruin over
this?"
page shaix I've got a thousand dollars in the bank. I've got a credit card
which will advance me four thousand. I'll have to see what the union says.
I have no problem getting a job. It's the wrong season, but I should be able
to find something. Unfortunately I can't deal with the stress without whisky.
I hadn't had a drink since January third.
Shaix pages, "You'd quit drinking?"
page shaix I didn't drink from the fourth until yesterday inclusive.
Shaix pages, "That's a big step. Can I recommend other stress reducing techniques?
Beating the shit out of something inanimate sometimes helps, as well as more
refined forms of exercise."
page shaix Are you proposing your services?
Shaix pages, "Do I look inanimate to you?"
page shaix I'm a man of letters. I've just been fired for letters I've written.
I don't need a punching bag.
Shaix pages, "What other services could you possibly have been suggesting?"
page shaix OK, I was joking.
Shaix pages, "About how much of it?"
page shaix Stop fucking tormenting me, you fat bitch. I was fired today
for having written letters in my own artistic, inimitable style.
Shaix pages, "I'm not tormenting you, you abrasive cock-sucking dipshit."
page shaix Fair enough. So stop saying I'm not telling the truth. I'm fucking
fired and even the whisky won't help that.
Shaix pages, "Okay. So, you can't do anything physically active to help
work off stress?"
page shaix As I said, I'm a man of letters. I've already written an e-mail
called "Raise the roof".
page cyanne What's up, sis? Good e-mail tonight. I'm happy that Joy has
written. She's a good writer, if a little idiosynchratic.
Cyanne pages, "I haven't read it yet. :)"
page cyanne Please do. There are a few surprises.
Cyanne pages, "I might do that in a bit....I"m on another server right now."
page cyanne Well, it's nothing important. I've just been fired for sexual
harassment.
Cyanne pages, "WHOA!"
page cyanne I said the e-mail was good this evening.
page veronique What's up, sis? It's been a weird evening.
Veronique pages, "yeah, what's going on ?"
page veronique Read your e-mail.
Veronique pages, "rok."
page shaix I'm thinking about how to defend myself. I think I have three
arguments. 1) It didn't happen at work. 2) She gave me her e-mail address.
3) I stopped writing when she asked me to.
Shaix pages, "Exactly. You're done. Your boss is a fucking moron. If you
have anything resembling reasonable representation, you'll probably get him
terminated."
page shaix The only thing is that ugly concept of "hostile environment",
which I have undeniably created.
Shaix pages, "I didn't read the message you sent to her. I can only imagine
how severe it was. I think that you can certainly prove that there is not
a hostile environment, because you probably haven't approached her at work
when you have been working together, right?"
Veronique pages, "my oh my"
Veronique pages, "no offense, but you work at a fucking restaurant, if you
were harassing her at work that' dbe one thing but it was outside of work.....that's
v. strange.....did she give email printouts to them??? did it have all our
email addresses on it?"
page shaix We went on a date, as I explained. We saw one another at work
afterwards. On the last day before she left for two weeks, she gave me her
e-mail address. I write e-mail every day, so it wasn't one letter. It was
about twenty. She returned and told me to stop. I stopped. Tonight was the
first time we worked together. We ignored one another. Then they called me
into the office. They had printed copies of the e-mail.
Veronique pages, "get a lawyer."
page veronique I don't know about that. I'm not even sure how blind copies
work. I'm afraid the printed letters may have your e-mail address. I'm very
sorry about that.
Shaix pages, "You still stopped when she said stop. That is your safety.
If you have anything resembling reasonable representation, you will be fine."
Veronique pages, "did u forward the emails to her directly?"
page shaix But I can't afford representation. It's either the union or the
ACLU, if they will take the case.
Veronique pages, "this makes me upset. can you please remove me from the
list from now on?"
Shaix pages, "They will take the case."
page veronique I did both, blind copies and forwarding. I'm sorry.
Shaix pages, "At least, they should."
Veronique pages, "did u forward anything that I wrote to her??"
page veronique Of course. I'll take your address off right now. I did not
forward anything you wrote.
Shaix pages, "Believe me, Gabriel. I'm a busty woman in a geek world. I
*know* sexual harrassment laws. If she asked you to stop, and you stopped,
that is all there is to it."
Veronique pages, "ok. well if i was just CC"
page shaix I sure hope so.
Veronique pages, "if i was just cc'ed thats fine. i hope u didnt forward
anything i wrote"
page veronique I didn't forward anything you wrote, but your e-mail address
is probably mixed up in that mess. I apologize and I'll remove you from the
list.
Veronique pages, "are u SURE u ddint forward my notes to her? i think i
wrote one asking her how it went."
page veronique I am sure.
Shaix pages, "It wouldn't be fair, otherwise. Of course, it's not really
fair NOW, considering how easy it is to accuse without grounds."
Veronique pages, "ok."
page shaix I hope the union will deal with me. The ACLU has better things
to do.
Shaix pages, "Well, if they don't, chalk it up to another chapter in your
life as a tragic hero and move on, right?"
Veronique pages, "we can chat on here, but no more email list....if u can
be fired for what you did then i can probably be fired for just reading the
email. i mean some of your email is pornographic, so i guess its wrong"
page veronique I have removed you from the list. Please accept my apologies.
Veronique pages, "god, i really hope this doesn't blow up..."
page shaix Yes. I'm not going to make a fetish out of it. Either the union
will deal with it, or the ACLU, or I'm screwed and need to find another job
quick.
Veronique pages, "are u going to sue them?"
page veronique I don't fucking know. I'm broke and fired and you're worried
about your fucking e-mail address?
Veronique pages, "yes. bc i dont feel like getting in trouble too."
page veronique OK, fine. I think they have your e-mail address. I'm sorry
about that. There's nothing I can do about it right now. I have removed you
from the list. Is there anything else you need?
Veronique pages, "i would do this - have a meeting with your boss and reiterate
that everythign occurred outside of work and that you would never harm her..."
Veronique pages, "explain to them that u'd like to have your job back and
that you will work different shifts from here and that there wont be any more
problems."
page shaix That's basically my choices, is it not?
Shaix pages, "They are, indeed. This may sound really condescending, but
what the fuck. I'm proud of you for not drinking for eight days. That is excellent."
page shaix I can stop drinking as long as I want, whenever I want. I can
even stop smoking, but that is really asking a lot. I wouldn't be drinking
now, except that I'm feeling a little under the weather. I was planning to
quit for a month.
Shaix pages, "Congratulations. I just consider someone who says "I can't
handle the stress without whisky" to be an alcoholic, and so I commend your
efforts."
UnStAbLe say, "oh i've been babbling again"
UnStAbLe pokes at you.
page joy I loved your letter. You wrote to me a few seconds before I wrote
my message of despair. I'll remember that for a long time.
UnStAbLe say, "have you seen the latest one? i ramble on about food"
page shaix I can handle the stress. I believe that this is undue and impossible
stress.
Shaix pages, "I agree. It's incredible stress. I just found it noteworthy
that you said you simply couldn't do it without whisky. Anyway, I'm not trying
to live your life, and if you take exception to my commendation, then I retract
it."
Veronique pages, "hello?"
page joy I have always liked your letter writing. So has Nichelle. Have
you read my letter?
UnStAbLe pages, "um lemme check.. you mean the one about nice vp evil manager?"
page joy Yes, dear. I've been fired.
UnStAbLe pages, "did my letter about the place in new orleans make any sense?"
page veronique Look, that's it. I've taken your name off the list. You may
get a couple of messages before everyone updates his address book. Please
excuse me for the delay. Any other questions?
Veronique pages, "hey, don't be so surly...i was giving you advice as to
what to do.."
page joy I read for style only. I like your style. I have not read the latest
letter. I'm sorry. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I love your writing and
I appreciate your thoughtfulness in my time of pain.
UnStAbLe pages, "'sok. my last little writing onslaught for awhile"
page joy I'd be sorry if that were true. If you don't want to write for
me, write for Nichelle. She has always said that it was a shame we lived
so far apart. She thought you two would be the best of friends.
Veronique pages, "hey if you don't want to talk to me, fine - listen - good
luck - perhaps this is a blessing in disguise- maybe the french teacher job
will work out."
UnStAbLe pages, "writing is not something i have control over. its a mix
of things.. some of which includes a specific amt of strees/anxiety.. school
is going to throw that off. not to mention taht writing comes from somewhere
whithin me"
page joy That may be so. I discipline myself. I don't always want to write.
I don't always write well. I do my best. Sometimes it's not good enough. Sometimes
it is.
page shaix I'm a little scared. I hope the union takes up my case. But if
they do, it will be a nightmare. I have no wish to humiliate and trash that
girl.
Shaix pages, "No, I don't think so. You don't have to humiliate her, Gabriel."
page shaix Come on. If she has to sit in a hearing with me and answer embarassing
questions, that is humiliation enough.
Shaix pages, "It doesn't have to go that far. Your beef is no longer with
her. It is with your boss. Period. You'll feel better when you've talked to
some professionals about it."
Shaix pages, "She is not prosecuting you for anything. You are prosecuting
the boss. Difference. Your boss stuck is fat nose in personal business."
Shaix pages, "his fat nose, that is."
page shaix My problem is not at all with her. I understand what she did.
She didn't feel comfortable working with me. She has a right to work. But
either we can work together or one of us is out of a job.
Shaix pages, "Have you apologised to her?"
page shaix Are you insane? Tonight was the first time we've worked together
since "the incidents". I was following her lead. She ignored me, so I ignored
her. What am I supposed to apologize for? She gave me her e-mail address,
and I sent her blind copies of the mail I was sending to a dozen people.
There's a new edition of the newspaper. Type 'news new' to see the new article(s).
page joy I mean what I say, Joy. I'm very happy you wrote to us tonight.
I hope you will sometimes think of us. We like hearing from you. You write
your own beautiful letters in your own way.
Shaix pages, "I'm not insane. I was simply asking. Remember that I haven't
read what you sent her. Anyway, the point is: if she went out on a date, and
gave you her email address, then you wrote to her until she said to stop.
You are not perpetuating an unwanted situation. Period. Just go talk to someone
at the union, or the ACLU, and you'll feel better. Either way, the not knowing
is bothering you more than anything else."
UnStAbLe pages, "um okay. but as i said, i have no control. sometimes i
just write."
page shaix The not knowing? How about the six months before I receive any
backpay, assuming I win the case?
Shaix pages, "What the fuck do you want me to say? Poor baby, let me send
you some money? That fucking bitch dun you wrong? Let's kill her with needles?
I'll give you my kitten? Jesus christ, Gabril, pull your head out of your
ass and realize that I'm simply trying to talk to you about this, whether
I'm being helpful or not is just about beyond my control. Now, if you want
me to talk to you, then that's fine. Otherwise, leave me the fuck alone until
you feel like talking about something else. Okay?"
page joy Whenever you feel the urge, we are very happy to hear what you
have to say. I've always been embarassed about that ugly scene in September
1996. It was my fault. I fucked up our RL MOO. I fucked up our list. I felt
so bad that you were hurt. I haven't read your second letter, but your first
letter is great. No one understands e-mail, except me and Nichelle. We know
when it's good.
UnStAbLe pages, "how did you know the date?"
page shaix That bitch ain't done me no wrong. She did what she had to do.
She had to choose between quitting and getting me fired. So she chose. I can
understand that. It doesn't mean that I'm going to lie in bed and cry.
page unstable I remember everything.
Shaix pages, "Uh, I was making ludicrous suggestions to make my point that
apparently you're not finding my current input helpful at all."
UnStAbLe pages, "everything? that must be one hell of a burden"
page shaix I am finding it helpful. It pleases me that my various harems
support me in my time of strife. If the union will stand behind me, I've got
a chance. I'm very doubtful of the ACLU.
Shaix pages, "Don't kid yourself, Gabriel. I am not a member of your harem."
page joy It's a burden which I try to bear. It's feeling a little heavy
this evening.
Shaix pages, "Remember? I'm the drunk that sits next to you in the bar."
page shaix I don't see why you felt included in my plural harems.
UnStAbLe pages, "maybe you are too hard on yourself. maybe you should search
the web for new orleans and see what you can find. family owned, really old.."
Shaix pages, "Something about the combination of sentences made me feel
associated with the women that might actually find you sexually plausible."
page joy Only if you agree to be my waitress.
UnStAbLe pages, "i couldn't wait tables to save my life"
page shaix I really don't know if any of the women in my harems find me
sexually plausible. I have two main attributes. I am smarter than everyone
else and I'm an erudite son of a bitch. Some women seem to like to read my
e-mail.
page unstable But you would look so good trying.
UnStAbLe pages, "im clumsy. im unkempt. i hate people"
page joy You are beautiful, and perhaps clumsy and unkempt. We all hate
people.
UnStAbLe pages, "everyone is beautiful in their own way. what do you know
of new orleans?"
Shaix pages, "I think I talk to you because you see things differently from
me, and sometimes I can get you to speak intelligently about your ideas without
being asinine. I don't necessarily find your erudite behavior or your elitist
sense of intellect particularly attractive."
page joy I know nothing of New Orleans, except that it's probably a good
food and liquor town. Some people may speak French there, though I'm sceptical.
I'd like to go there.
UnStAbLe pages, "i think it's supposed to be full of sin and debauchery.
i think some catholics live there"
page shaix Don't give me that shit. You deal with morons every day, at work,
at home, on the MOO. You may have never before met anyone with a real education.
page joy Catholics are good at sin and debauchery.
Shaix pages, "I'm not saying you're the *only* person who fits that category.
I'm saying that you're ONE of them. Frankly, I don't give a shit if you "accept"
my statement or not. It's simply why I talk to you."
page shaix So we agree. You talk to me because you don't know anyone else
who has read two thousand books in five languages, and I talk to you because
you are sitting on the next barstool. I get something out of it, and I hope
you do. I can't make much use of my learning right now because I'm feeling
a little crazy. You may have investigated our web pages. There are many strange
and beautiful things to see there. I thank you for your support in my time
of need. There are others who have been worried about their e-mail address
in those letters, while I'm getting fired.
page joy Let's move to New Orleans and open a Chinese, Italian, strip joint,
restaurant and bar.
UnStAbLe pages, "i might dance but otherwise i don't really see where i
would fit in"
Shaix pages, "I don't give a shit about how many languages you speak or
how many books you've read, you dumb fuck. You don't know what it means to
be happy. You don't believe in the concept. I find that pitiful. You find
my belief in it contemptable. So be it. Obviously I hold some amount of importance
to you, because you keep talking to me. But, if you think you can draw a parallel
between me and a warm body on a stool, you're missing a lot, and if you don't
care about that, then you should probably seek out another warm body and
leave me alone."
page unstable I think that would be enough. I've got a plan.
UnStAbLe pages, "i don't know. i might insist on my eyes being covered in
some way"
page joy I'm sure that could be arranged.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Solaris
Date: 12 January 1999
Subject: Re: Raise the roof
WEll, there IS something you can do. Talk to your system administration
and get copies of all the letters you wrote to her and got from her and give
them to your union representative. Also, talk to her system admin, and ask
them to corroborate the times/dates all corrsepondence between teh two of
you was written (basically give you a list). Most online services keep a history
for 30-90 days of such mail. They CAN NOT fire you for ANYTHING that occurred
outside of work. Even if she gave you her e-mail address at work, she did
so voluntarily and they legally cannot fire you for it. Talk to the Better
Business Bureau in your local area and report them for bad firing/hiring practices.
Also tell your chamber of commerce and Labor Department. If you report to
the proper places (the Unemployment/Employment offices in your area would
be teh best places to report to) then you are immune from any kind of punishment
that could be placed on you, and by law, it has to be investigated. If it
is found in your favor then the company must pay you some kind of restitution,
equal to or greater than your wage (plus ALL tips).
-Cyanne
From: SAGReiss
Date: 13 January 1999
Subject: Labor Temple, 1st & Broad
"What were you fired for?" "Sexual harassment." "What happened?" "E-mail."
"What?" It was surreal. The union bosses had to get in on it because no one
had any idea what was going on. So I sat there with three fat men who made
pussy jokes and called River a cunt while we discussed my prose style. Things
seem to be not so simple as they seem. Their name is Joe, every one of them,
so there are little nicknames. Joe "Sambucca" made a big deal out of the fact
that she had threatened to kill me, stressing that I was now wearing a bull's-eye
on my back. He said: "So you wrote some stupid shit. Has she rescinded the
threat on your life?" Joe "the Boss" worked out scenari, what she could claim
or deny. I helpfully pointed out that she could even deny we ever went out
together. No one saw us. He said: "I read fuck books, but I don't write about
it." He also talked about the crazy things men do for "those two hairs",
which I took in context to mean a snatch, though I had never heard the expression.
Joe "I-don't-remember-his-nickname" treated me like scum. He said she could
have a restraining order put out on me, which doesn't make any sense, since
I have not contacted her for ten days, since she asked me to stop. Besides,
a restraining order doesn't apply to work. Even the cops can't stop me from
going to work, if I had a job, which I don't, so that doesn't make any sense
either. Actually he was pissed off about the stuff I said about the union.
Oops. I hadn't even remembered that. I've just been fired, people have threatened
to kill me, we're dealing with some very touchy "hostile environment" sexual
harassment law, and they're worried about some silly rumors I repeated in
my e-mail? They gave me a very stern talking to about that. "The union pension
etc." It was hard not to laugh. I allowed myself to smile at times, but no
laughing. This is a serious matter. An arbitration hearing costs ten thousand
dollars, or so they said. My instinct was to fight, but then I thought of
Mr Bill and all the trouble he could have saved himself by settling Paula
Jones' lawsuit, which he ended up having to do anyway. I decided to be a
man about it, to rise to my traditional high moral stature, and not file
a written grievance. The union Man called the Man: "Todd, I bet you can guess
why I'm calling." We had decided that the best I could hope for was a lack-of-work
layoff with the Club's not sabotaging my unemployment benefits or attempts
to find a new job. I know you girls are going to yell at me, but the law
is a funny and evil little thing. I did create a hostile work environment,
even if I didn't do it at work and even if I stopped when she told me to.
Let's be adults. I need to find work no matter what happens, and once I do,
it doesn't really matter who won, the Club or I. A formal grievance might
easily get out of hand and turn very ugly. Can you imagine what a nightmare
an arbitration hearing would be? River would have to be served with a subpoena.
Anyway I haven't done anything yet. Negociations are under way. Todd offered
to let me resign. Fuck you, bro. Have you ever heard of unemployment? Right
now I can't even apply for a job because I would have to lie on the application.
If they say I was laid off, I can collect unemployment while I look for work.
The union said the Washington Athletic Club is looking for people. I'll go
there tomorrow, as soon as everything is settled. There's no way I could
ever work at the Rainier Club again, even if they had to let me back. The
best I could hope for is backpay, which I don't really deserve, if I've got
another job. I'm not looking to get rich on a very unhappy occasion. I'm
looking at the big picture. I even take into consideration River's point
of view, which they scolded me for at the union. Todd might fire her too,
for writing threatening e-mail. Then she might file a grievance. But the
boys who heard my case couldn't hear hers. It's called a parallel grievance.
What a fucking mess. Anyway the union Man is going to call the Man back this
afternoon. I have tentatively agreed to sign a paper saying I'll be a good
boy, if they lay me off, which they haven't offered to do yet. If they refuse,
I'll fight them. The union will back me with a grievance, but not necessarily
an arbitration hearing. You see? These things are complicated. I await your
advice, my friends.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 13 January 1999
Subject: Is this unfair?
Shaix pages, "So, what happened?"
page shaix I'm fucked. We've made an oral grievance. Basically we have to
try to negotiate a "lack of work" layoff. If they won't give me that, I'll
file a written grievance, and then it's out of my hands. It could go to arbitration.
Shaix pages, "Wow. The justice system sucks."
page shaix Think of it this way. She could give that e-mail to ten other
girls. Then, there's eleven girls in the office saying they won't work with
me. I can't have my job back. The best I can hope for is unemployment and
a new job. That's why we're asking for a layoff. They've offered resignation,
but I refused.
Shaix pages, "Let's hope for the layoff, then."
page shaix It's either that or a written grievance and possibly arbitration.
The thing is, once the union files a written grievance, I lose control. They
will prosecute it. They will hack that poor girl to bits.
Shaix pages, "Honestly, the poor girl didn't have to get you fired. I think
that was over the top. She obviously doesn't understand the lines between
harrassment and unwanted advances. Duh. Gabriel, file your grievance. She'll
take care of herself."
page shaix I have nothing to gain in a grievance. If they lay me off, I
can collect unemployment and get a new job. If we file a written grievance,
it'll be a long, crazy road, and the best I can get is backpay. If I have
a job, I don't need backpay.
Shaix pages, "Well, I guess my point is that you shouldn't worry about "what
happens to that poor girl"."
page shaix That's what they said at the union, though they may end up defending
her too, since she might get fired for threatening to kill me or have her
bf do it for her.
Shaix pages, "I'm sure this is not the first time the union has had to deal
with this."
page shaix No, they are pros. A little out of date, but pros. They kept
talking about pussy and calling her a cunt during our meeting.
Shaix pages, "Jezus."
Shaix pages, "Did their knuckles drag?"
page shaix What does that mean?
Shaix pages, "I think I'd walk out of a meeting like that if they were talking
about pussy and calling her a cunt. Of course, I'm a woman."
page shaix They are my friends. They will help me. They'll help her too.
Maybe they'll call me a prick.
Shaix pages, "Or worse."
page shaix You have to imagine the scene, these fat old union men and me,
with fifty pages of pornographic e-mail sitting on the table between us.
(from The Living Room) Shaix laughs. Okay. Context is everything.
Veronique pages, "i have a different email addy that i should have used
for the mail list. can i give you that one?"
page shaix How much worse can it get? The general manager claims that I
threatened her with rape because of some unfortunate little reference I made
to Rohypnol, a harmless little joke, of course.
page veronique No thanks.
Shaix pages, "Oh Gabriel..."
page shaix These fucking Nazi-feminist bitches have no sense of humor.
Veronique pages, "Oh ok, so because I asked you to remove me from the list,
now you won't add me again w/ a different address?"
Shaix pages, "Not when you're making the jokes, no. I can see why."
page shaix But I've got a lovely smile when I say things like that. One
just can't see it online or in e-mail.
page veronique No, I will not.
Shaix pages, "Lovely smile my ass. You can't get away with shit like that,
and you should know that. You've got too biting a wit to be able to turn around
and make light hearted jokes about rape and what not. I must go now. See
you later."
Veronique pages, "Jeez, you really are a fuck-up. Have a nice life."
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 13 January 1999
Subject: Man to man
You sense that Yellow_Guest is looking for you in Dusty Intersection.
It pages, "The new mouth organ is up. If you need something to distract
you."
page yellow Thanks. Who are you?
You sense that Yellow_Guest is looking for you in Dusty Intersection.
It pages, "Columbine."
page yellow What's up, bro? In truth I could use a little distraction. As
you may have noticed, I'm not feeling too well.
You sense that Yellow_Guest is looking for you in Dusty Intersection.
It pages, "I was looking for someone else I was told comes here, and I saw
you, so I thought I'd tell you. I can't stay. Lambda makes me crazy."
page columbine Write some e-mail. This subject is a good one for you.
Columbine is not in right now. Leave your page after the beep, and she'll
get back to you as soon as she finds it
You sense that Yellow_Guest is looking for you in Dusty Intersection.
It pages, "I'm sorry about your situation. I may disagree loudly with you
half the time, but I think you got shafted, and no joke."
page yellow Write some e-mail. This subject is a good one for you.
You sense that Yellow_Guest is looking for you in Dusty Intersection.
It pages, "No ... it'll piss me off till it'd be incoherent by anyone's
standards. I can't write when I'm angry."
You sense that Yellow_Guest is looking for you in Dusty Intersection.
It pages, "See you later."
Todd, that column took balls to write. That was the work of a man. I truly
appreciate it because I know what it's like. As Lou used to tell me: "Sometimes
your best ain't good enough." That is a hard thing to face. I would like to
encourage you to write a column about my little troubles. I think it's a
perfect topic for mouthorgan.com. No one is right in this dispute, though
I am unforgivably wrong. It's a tough moral dilemma about sex, or rather about
talking about sex. The only thing that I ask is that you put links in the
body of the text to the two web sites.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 14 January 1999
Subject: Re-reading
I've just re-read my e-mail, and it's not that bad. I clearly state several
times right at the beginning that all she has to do is ask me to stop. She
did. I stopped. Most of it isn't even about sex. That bullshit about the "date
rape drug" is nonsense. Todd's bluffing. First, that was a forwarded ten-day-old
message. Second, why would I give her a sleeping pill in a bar? Third, the
whole situation was theoretical, since we didn't even go into the Baltic
Room. Of course one never knows how weird the enemy might get. She doesn't
know that I'm not a psychopathic rapist. I don't know that her bf is not
a homicidal maniac. I do hold the high moral ground. She has already caught
herself in a lie, claiming that she told me she wasn't interested before
she ever received any e-mail. So why did she give me her e-mail address? I
admit that it's hard not to lie in such a crazy situation as this. I have
worked hard and managed not to lie or even mislead, by neither commision nor
omission. I can understand how Mr Bill ends up asking what the word "is" means.
Judge Vanillabottom: "You say you touched her thigh?" "Yes, your honor." "Where
on her thigh?" "I beg your pardon, your honor?" "What part of her thigh did
you touch?" "Um, the inside of her thigh." "Did you touch her genitalia?"
"No, your honor." That's why I'm trying to settle the case. If it goes to
arbitration, I might win some backpay, and I'll never get another job in Seattle.
No one will ever hire me. I can win, and still lose. The union Man is sick
today, but supposedly he's working from home. I'll guess he'll leave me voice
mail, if there's any news. We have fourteen days from yesterday to file a
written grievance. I just hope they let me correct the spelling and grammar
before I sign it. Our contract looks like it was written by a kid in junior
high school. Have you ever heard of spell check? The funny thing is that
the only person enjoying this horror is Todd, the general manager. He's the
only person (so far as we know) who's seen my e-mail who is smart enough
and mean enough to understand my subtle sense of humor. Moreover he gets
this wealth of inside dirt about his managers and employees written by a
shrewd observer who sees what he could never otherwise know. I'm not the
only one who has some explaining to do. I doubt Svetlana has seen any of
it. The reason they didn't call her to my termination meeting was probably
that they didn't want to involve another woman in the imbroglio. I have no
idea how she might react, though I'm guessing she has already washed her hands
of me so thoroughly that she can't remember my name. She's the fucking union
shop steward and she hasn't even bothered to call? "Hey, Gabriel. I hear
you're having a problem, and the union is representing you at a grievance.
If you need to talk to someone, please give me a call." Nothing.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 14 January 1999
Subject: WAC
The way out of this hole is for me to get a job. Grievance or no grievance,
unemployment or no unemployment, that is the only solution. So I went to the
Washington Athletic Club and filled out an application. I held my breath and
lied. I wrote "lack of work" under reason for leaving the Rainier Club. Then
I had an inspiration. I used Todd as a reference. They would have called him
anyway. There are only two union clubs in Seattle. The union Man had told
Todd that I might apply there. He answered that he would only say what the
law allows, that I worked at the Rainier Club from whenever until Tuesday.
So let's lean on the son of a bitch and see what he does. He wants to get
me out of his face. The arbitration hearing costs the Rainier Club ten thousand
dollars too, win or lose. By using him as a reference, I'm giving him my hand,
sending him a message: "Todd, mi amigo, let's be grown up about this. You
want to get rid of me. I want to pay the rent. This is the ideal solution.
Everyone's happy, even the WAC. After all you did say at my termination hearing
that I was an 'excellent waiter', whatever that means. You help me, and I'll
help you. What's a little satanic e-mail between friends?" I've got nothing
to lose. So maybe it doesn't work, and I don't get the job. Or maybe a few
months down the road they discover that I've lied. If they care, they fire
me. So what? I can deal with that later. I need a job now. It even looks like
a nice place to work. Their values are: leadership, excellence, integrity,
service and sensitivity. Oops. OK, so four out of five. That's a good average.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 15 January 1999
Subject: ACLU
Sir or Madam,
Having been fired from my job as a waiter at the Rainier Club, a non-profit
organization, I wonder if my civil rights may have been violated. I am being
represented by Hotel Employees Restaurant Employees union local 8 in a grievance.
I am happy with their representation, but I feel they may not fully appreciate
some aspects of the case.
The case stems from a series of twenty-four e-mail messages I wrote from
home to a private e-mail list, which e-mail I forwarded to a female co-worker
who had given me her private e-mail address on 20 December 1998. The letters
might be qualified as obscene or even pornographic, but they might also reflect
some social or artistic merit. When my co-worker received the messages (She
had been out of town and presumably not checking her account.) she wrote a
strongly worded demand dated 2 January 1999 that I not send her any more messages.
I have not contacted her since that time. When she returned to work on 12
January 1999, she complained to management, and I was terminated for sexual
harassment and creating a hostile work environment.
Thank you for any help or advice you could give me.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 15 January 1999
Subject: The seven-layer dip
page nichelle What's up, sis?
Nichelle pages, “How's it going?"
Nichelle pages, “OK.. I've been busy as hell, doing long shifts."
Nichelle pages, “Matilda says hi."
page nichelle I'm in a weird situation, as you know. I hope I get that job
at the WAC. If I do, I don't really give a fuck about the rest.
page nichelle Send my love to Matilda. I miss both of you.
Nichelle pages, “Yes. Well, I do know. I've made a point of keeping my mouth
shut about it."
page nichelle Why is that, or shouldn't I ask?
Nichelle pages, “I really hope this works out for you. I'm not saying that
this girl isn't partly justified."
Nichelle pages, “Because I haven't had time to reply intelligently, and
because I think that you were kind of asking for trouble when you forwarded
that stuff to the girl."
page nichelle She is justified. We're all in a bad situation. I'm just trying
to see how we can all get out of it. Of course it's my fault. I did something
very stupid. I just need a job or a reasonable settlement. Preferably both.
Nichelle pages, “My advice would be to concentrate on the job. The rest
is history."
Nichelle pages, “Mur and I miss you too, by the way."
page nichelle Of course a job is the most important thing. The question
is whether they'll allow me to get a job. And whether I can collect unemployment
until I find one.
Nichelle pages, “It's sticky. I don't really know what to say- I don't know
much about how these things work."
page nichelle Todd must tell neither unemployment nor potential employers
that he fired me for sexual harassment. That's all we're asking for. I'm not
asking for backpay or to be reinstated.
Nichelle pages, “That seems reasonable enough to me."
page nichelle It's just a situation that we all want to go away. If I get
a job, it goes away. I resisted the urge to fight, and followed the union's
advice to seek a settlement. But quitting is not an option. I lose my unemployment
if I do that. If I get a job, I'll consider just quitting.
Nichelle pages, “This stuff is crazy."
page nichelle Yes and no. The union deals with this kind of shit every day.
The only thing that was new to them was the e-mail.
Nichelle pages, “What is Veronique's problem anyway?"
Nichelle pages, “Am I missing something? Why would her email address matter
one way or the other?'"
page nichelle She was worried about her own ass, while I was being fired.
She was just being incredibly selfish and cruel. It doesn't matter. If there
is ever a public hearing, no one else's e-mail address or name will be used.
The judge will black that out. She never wrote shit anyway. She asked to leave
the list, so I kicked her off.
Nichelle pages, “I still don't understand what her ass has to do with it
though? She doesn't work there, does she?"
page nichelle She just panicked, thinking her e-mail address might be made
public in a hearing or suit. It's absurd.
Nichelle pages, “That is the dumbest, most paranoid thing I have heard in
a long time, and I've heard some pretty impressive ones at amazon."
page nichelle Obviously even in the worst of all possible cases, if it goes
to arbitration, no one but me, River and the Rainier Club will suffer.
Nichelle pages, “Yes."
Nichelle pages, “Well, I thought it was a little weird."
page nichelle I don't think it will go that far. We haven't filed a written
grievance. Todd is smart and mean. He isn't going to do something stupid or
emotional. I think we'll settle next week, and I've got a good chance to
get a job at the WAC.
Nichelle pages, “I will keep my fingers crossed for you. Who knows, it could
turn out to be a better job anyway."
page nichelle It almost definitely would be. The place looks just beautiful.
You can try their web site (wac.net) but it kept fucking up for me, giving
me the illegal operation message. I'm feeling illegal enough without their
help.
Nichelle pages, “At least you've maintained your sense of humor. The bastards
haven't killed you yet."
page nichelle I'm too mean to die. I think Todd knows that. The whole thing
has been funny. I'm a little worried that no one except me is writing e-mail.
Joy's letters were beautiful. Zen of ketchup.
Nichelle pages, “I will have time to write in a day or two. I'm working
a 12 hr shift tonight, and I'm having a potluck tomorrow. I'm making homemade
salsa and a 7 layer dip."
page nichelle That would be a good title: "The seven-layer dip".
Nichelle pages, “Yes, I agree. Are you still on a cure?"
page nichelle No. I couldn't handle it. The stress was way too bad.
Nichelle pages, “Let's go get drunk."
page nichelle I thought you were working.
Nichelle pages, “I work tonight. Maybe Sun."
page nichelle I'll think about it, if you write us some e-mail. You're taking
advantage of me in a time of great loneliness and despair.
Nichelle pages, “I'm not taking advantage of shit. I'll write some e-mail
once the potluck is all done with.. I'll be swamped until then. We can meet
at Charlies and I can drink Seven Sisters Pear Cider, which I happen to like
quite a bit, or Manhattans if I feel a little more ambitious."
page nichelle That would be so appropriate. We could sit in the same seats
where River and I sat.
Nichelle pages, “Sounds lovely. Plan on it. What the hell else do you have
to do?"
Nichelle pages, “Just don't sexually harass me and we'll be ok."
page nichelle Not much. My sex drive has taken a deep dive. Something about
being fired for sexual harassment.
Nichelle pages, “You'll get over it. Eat some oysters."
page nichelle The whole thing is so fucking embarassing. I've done some
dumb shit, but I think this is the worst.
Nichelle pages, “It'll go away with time. You're a big boy."
page nichelle I can deal with it. It helps to be honest. I feel better saying:
"Here. This is the e-mail I wrote. It's a little weird. So what?"
Nichelle pages, “It is a little weird, but I think you've got some good
arguments on your side. You'll be ok."
page nichelle Yeah, we'll see. The truth is that this is no more crazy than
what we did. I don't regret that. I can't take risks and always win.
Nichelle pages, “True. It's different over the internet.. cocktail waitresses
don't always understand that, apparently."
page nichelle I couldn't have known that. I thought she might be amused.
She is a performance artist. She didn't seem to think it weird when I told
her that I was a genius. I'm very happy that you're playing the horn again,
if I've understood properly.
Nichelle pages, “Yes, I am playing, a bit. Well, you are a genius. Apparently
you should have mentioned the pervert part farther in advance, though."
page nichelle Yes, that would have been a good idea. That's why I hope the
ACLU might give me a little pro bono. They could make the point that this
is literary art. The unions boyz don't understand that. Re-reading it I find
that obvious. I only go out of control a couple of times. Most of it is good.
Nichelle pages, “You have *got* to be kidding. Do you honestly think they
give a fuck about your *style*?"
page nichelle The ACLU might. The Club is non-profit, which might mean they
are held to higher standards of labor practice. All it would take is one little
letter from them to send a blizzard of fear through the Club. They would
settle immediately on my terms.
Nichelle pages, “I need to get ready for work. I'll send a letter soon.
In the meantime, take care."
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 17 January 1999
Subject: Choucroute bleue
I'm sure that everyone is tired of hearing about mon petit scandale, so
I'm declaring a unilateral moritorium on any talk of unemployment, grievances,
union activities, the ACLU, hope, truth, despair and any other topics which
may be deemed related to ma malheureuse affaire. I'll begin a new chapter
when I get a job, which seems possible given the ads in the paper, about training,
probation, my co-workers and bosses, hope, truth, despair and any other topics
which may be deemed related to ma nouvelle vie. Unfortunately this brings
me back to cooking, which has suffered due to apathy and hopelessness. I
seldom eat pork, so I decided that was something good I could make easily
and eat for a couple of days while I wait for the weather to change. Unfortunately
the best I could find was some crazy, supposedly "Black Forest", boneless
pre-cooked piece of shit from Canada. I don't even know why I bought it. A
geographical note: the Black Forest runs from Munich in the East to Frankfurt
in the North to Metz and Nancy in the West. Beyond that, in Champagne to the
West and Luxembourg to the North, you find the eastern reaches of the Ardennes,
where Roselind and Orlando frolicked in As You Like It. Every Alsatian however
will deny this. The say that the Black Forest is in Germany, the Vosges in
Alsace. This political haggling is not to be taken seriously. Just smile
and nod your head. There's no point in arguing. I lived in the Black Forest
for ten years, on both sides of the border. I know these things. Trust me.
Alsace is the home of saurkraut and Black Forest cake, but not the Black Forest.
Remember never to cook saurkraut (or "surkrut" in Alsatian) in a cast-iron
Dutch oven. The shit smells good, it tastes good, but there's no avoiding
that weird blue hue. It's like green beer on Saint Patrick's Day. Something
just seems wrong.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 17 January 1999
Subject: Reading list
If I could still read, this is the book I would read:
Heart of a Wife: The Diary of a Southern Jewish Woman by Helen Jacobus Apte,
Marcus D. Rosenbaum (Editor)
Our grandmothers and great-grandmothers lived in a world we can scarcely
imagine, and for most of us, their interior lives remain a mystery. What did
they think about love, family, marriage, the society around them? What were
their dreams, fears, and ambitions? In other words, were these women anything
like us? Marcus D. Rosenbaum was given the rare opportunity to answer these
questions. Cleaning out a closet after his father's death, Rosenbaum found
a diary that had belonged to his grandmother, dead more than 50 years before.
The yellowed pages within chronicled almost 40 years of the 20th century
as seen through the eyes of one Southern Jewish woman--in some ways a quite
ordinary wife and mother, and in other ways not ordinary at all. Born in
Georgia of a Jewish family, Helen Jacobus married Day Apte in 1909 and began
keeping a diary that would last until her death in 1946. With unusual intelligence
and candor, she explored their life together through two world wars and the
Great Depression, including her most intimate thoughts about children, sex,
religion, the South--even her occasional attractions to other men. Raised
to embrace Victorian values just as they were passing away in the outside
world, Apte sometimes chafed against the restrictions imposed upon her by
her times. Part of the great pleasure of reading these diary entries is seeing
how her keen mind made the most of the limited sphere it was allotted. A
former journalist for National Public Radio, Rosenbaum has done a skillful
job editing this volume, adding essays that put Apte's life into social and
historical context. The result is a fitting tribute to an ordinary woman
of extraordinary strength and insight.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 18 January 1999
Subject: Loggerheads
I've been thinking about logs recently, perhaps in response to a flurry
of recent logging activity. I'm not so much interested in the ethics as the
esthetics. Whether it's right or wrong, everyone does it. I've felt a powerful
urge to log chat ever since I realized it could be done. (Please remember
that almost all of you are far more internet-savvy and experienced than I.)
If you believe my theory that chat is a middle road between oral and written
speech, with some characteristics of each and some of its own, a log tilts
the scale towards the written aspect, essentially in its duration. There is
no comparing an ephemeral chat with a log, whether posted on the web or sent
by e-mail. (I've done both.) We don't experience it the same way at all.
Everyone is shocked to see his "spoken" words recorded for eternity. It's
interesting to me that I can't remember ever having had this experience, since
I've always been the one who logged my conversations. I'm still stung by
the accusation that I set people up. I do not think this is true. Obviously
I have certain verbal gifts or skills which manifest themselves in logs, but
anyone involved knows that I don't sit around for five minutes thinking up
phrases like: "blizzard of fear" so that I can log it to make myself look
good. Nichelle can tell you that I often write my best e-mail very quickly.
This is not to say that I'm not thinking or haven't done my homework. It's
rather to use Whistler's argument that I can do what I do fast because I've
spent a lifetime perfecting the techniques of an imperfect art. I also probably
use dictionaries more than anyone on this list except perhaps Lauren. I would
do so far more often, but I left a hundred reference works in my library in
France when I fled the country. To end that guilt-ridden parenthesis, I think
logs are most different from telephone tapes or transcripts of Monica Lewinsky
saying: "I'm like, whatever." Those are transformations of one medium, oral
speech, into another, written speech. Since chat is neither, the process seems
more complex. It's also easier and more legal, though the latter may not
always be true.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Batsheva
Date: 19 January 1999
Subject: Fw: Re: your mail
ha ha.
+--
Batsheva
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: George
Date: 20 August 1998
Subject: Re: your mail
Batsheva,
> When you asked me about "not wearing that shirt" I meant to say "what??"
> and not "ok", but I was too shocked by the question. Never in my whole
> life had I heard anything like that. I found it very rude and improper.
I feel that that shirt is too revealing. It makes me uncomfortable to see
you in it. I find it rude and improper that you wear it.
> From the first few weeks working here, you kept commenting on my T
shirts
> and how I shouldn't think that your being impolite for staring at them.
> and other kinds of weird remarks that must have seemed funny to you.
> But I didn't find them funny at all. It wasn't even funny the first
time,
> let alone the fourth time you said it.
> however I managed to ignore it all, just so we can continue to have
a nice
> friendly working environment.
I commented on your tee shirts because you commented to me about the crab
shirt and made a point of showing it to me. I thought you were using it as
a way of starting a friendly conversation on a subject that was "neutral".
It seemed to me that before that any converstion I had with you was a lecture
on how linux was great and windows sucked. Since I was the windows support
person here, I, by association, in your opionion sucked too.
Since you have taken it upon yourself to work on windows projects, you have
to work with me. If you did not want to work with me or windows why did you
take on the projects?
I went out of my way to read the microprocessor type on your 386 shirt because
to be quite frank, I was curious what it was. If the same picture had been
on your wall, you desk, your hat, or your bottom, I still would have looked.
Not out of interest in you, but the in picture you were displaying.
> I'm just writing this in an email because I'm afraid I'll lose my temper.
> and I don't want to do that. Some people told me to go and wear that
shirt
> all week, or just ignore it. But it seems ignoring things doesn't work.
No it does not. The shirt is so tight that all the contors of your breasts
are revealed. I find it I very rude and improper for you to wear such a shirt
at work. If you want to wear it at the beach, or at home, or at a bar, feel
free to.
You are required by univeristy regulations to dress in "an appropriate manner".
If you feel that it is not something you can do then I suggest that you find
somewhere else to work.
I have included Jaime as a CC to this reply. If you continue to wear inapropriate
clothing I will file a formal complaint.
> Just leave me alone.
I ask the same of you.
George.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 18 January 1999
Subject: Weird fucking shit
*** Redirecting old connection to this port ***
knobbie pokes at you.
knobbie pokes at himself.
knobbie . o O ( shit )
knobbie quickly morphs into UnStAbLe.
UnStAbLe pokes at herself.
UnStAbLe pokes at you.
UnStAbLe asks, "allo?"
UnStAbLe says, "dictionaries wait did i spell that correctly? are
dangerous"
UnStAbLe says, "i find them too interesting"
page joy What's up, sis?
UnStAbLe says, "i get excited about the history of particular words.. or
something"
UnStAbLe says, "i wish i knew sanskrit"
UnStAbLe says, "i wish i could actually speak"
UnStAbLe says, "..."
UnStAbLe asks, "how are you?"
You say, "Etymology is one of the most satisfying sciences. Who would have
imagined that "vanilla" and "vagina" had the same origin."
UnStAbLe chuckles
You say, "I'm as well as could be expected. I'm always happy to talk to
you."
UnStAbLe says, "you know too many words"
UnStAbLe says, "i used ketchup today"
UnStAbLe says, "uh wait"
UnStAbLe says, "i have a hard time typing"
UnStAbLe says, "im"
UnStAbLe says, "listening"
UnStAbLe says, "to"
UnStAbLe says, "K. 626"
You say, "I may know too many words, but you are dangerously sexy. So I
think we're even."
UnStAbLe snorts. and belches for good measure
You say, "That sounds like Mozart."
UnStAbLe says, "i can't belch very well."
UnStAbLe says, "nor can i spit. i'm a pathetic Suthner"
You say, "You could even fart. I'd still think the same."
UnStAbLe says, "i'd have to OD on calcium to do that i think"
UnStAbLe says, "yes Volfy"
UnStAbLe says, "i wouldn't be around today "
UnStAbLe says, "if"
UnStAbLe says, "it"
UnStAbLe says, "uh"
UnStAbLe says, "this"
UnStAbLe says, "music"
UnStAbLe says, "oooh its so minor"
UnStAbLe says, "looking at the score last night"
UnStAbLe says, " bassoon"
UnStAbLe says, "or faggot"
You say, "I read in the newspaper today about how Motzart epitomized German
music. I wonder where these people come from."
UnStAbLe says, "i wish i knew latin"
You say, "Latin is very fucking easy."
UnStAbLe says, "im losing any interest i ever had in newspapers. except
for the comics and crossword puzzles"