vr
a novel
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
March 1998
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
From: SD
Date: 4 March 1998
Subject: Comments on VR
Hi Nichelle,
I've finally had a chance to go through your hypertext (VR?). Would you
mind if I posted these to the group in the hopes of getting a discussion
going?
Thanks,
Deena
I'm not sure what format this piece is --is it a multiauthor work? A collection
of short works? So, with that in mind, I just typed out my thoughts while
going through it.
The writing is quite strong and evocative in places. The tones change quite
a bit, from stream-of-consciousness to satire to poetry. I liked weaving different
elements into the work such as MOOS and chat rooms. I loved the New York
disclaimer and would like to see more elements brought in that shed light
on the characters.
The character list has some strong possibilities as a navigational, central
structure. You could strengthen these links by explaining what they are (quotes
from a space the character has written? quotes formthe character directly?).
The first page's spatial layout is intriguing--it reminds me of Stephanie
Strickland's careful attention to the spacing on the page. The curves could
trigger any sort of image, but they seem most like a helix to me.
Giving some preliminary explanations (or even a link to an explanation on
this first page), such as a title, how this work was developed, the purpose
for the work, etc, would help get readers oriented and through the WHAT IS
THIS?? stage.
Structure
Further, the practice of linking the title of the space to the title of
contents is confusing. (At least, I think this is what is going on. bell.htm
had a link on "two eggs over easy" to the title page, and that was the name
of the space; food.htm had a link from cold, slimy, membrane to the title
page, and that was the name of the link to food.htm, same with the hacker
uniform). I may be reading this backwards (I am going from the cast of characters
through the poems). However, you need to account for every possible reader
strategy.
A header on each space with the title of the space and a way to move around
would help tremendously. I would suggest links back to the cast of characters
and the table of contents on every page.
Some pages are dead ends--which can be a problem with the wrong browser.
A header would ensure that readers could always get around in the work.
I would suggest many more links than you have now to tie the separate spaces
together so the reader can see the pattern for the whole thing. You might
consider:
* Themes and Related Ideas. This site has some interesting themes (from
the abortion/abuse to the JB). Could you link these themes inpaths so that
the reader can follow these ideas through the work? This would help make
the work a more cohesive hypertext.
* Characters. The characters were pretty jumbled up--"I couldn't tell Nichelle
from Columbine by the style of writing, form of address, or anything. You
may want to rethink how you present characters (who is really there? why are
they there? and link the work so that the reader can follow one character
throughout.
Minor but pecky points
The To: and From: lines are not consistent on each space. This makes it
a bit difficult to follow the course of the letters.
When you publish this, you'll have to get rid of all the copyrighted stuff
as it is hard and expensive to get permission to publish it. (Matter of fact,
there may be problems with putting it on the web version, but I really wouldn't
worry about that) There is a significant amount--e.g., the Emily Dickinson
quotes in drjmrh.htm and dick.htm (as well as the liner notes from the T.H.
Johnson edition), the translation in freud.htm, etc.
Typos
in shit.htm : hwy not, Oneof, feels liek, first blowjob I gabe (may not
be a typo?)
in matrix.htm: less of ahasl
in 428.htm: you mailordred me, goine to my head, toughabout
stupid.htm: Le Groyne Colledge, Anthropolidgy, Mid-evil Romances, raises
Eir hand(may be deliberate?)
Bad link in harry.htm on"I also think that men love the women that women
hate."
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1998
Subject: Birthday Greetings
"May I reserve a table for two in smoking, please?" [...] "I see. Perhaps
you could just set up a table for us on the loading dock, and the stewards
could wait on us." Steward is restaurant slang for Puerto Rican dishwasher.
No hope for the damned. I now have two strategies for personal and financial
growth and ethical fulfillment. Plan A. I win the poetry contest, and Guinness
gives me a pub in northwestern Ireland. Plan B. I take this job for fourteen
dollars an hour, get laid off in six months and collect unemployment. I've
never done that before. It would be a new experience. If I get enough hours,
which I would once summer madness begins, seventy-five percent unemployment
could work out to four hundred dollars a week for doing nothing all winter.
I just have to work out the details. The closest I've ever come to unemployment
is sick leave, which worked out very well for me.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Gavin
Date: 6 March 1998
Subject: vr and others
OK here comes a crit of "vr" - let's see some more. It's been a productive
day - finished chapter 20 of my current flat novel and added a link or two
to "Under The Ashes" - don't go looking yet, wait until the new bit blossoms.
(You crazy kids.)
Marjorie, I haven't forgotten Califia, I just happen to be using a UNIX
box just now (honestly Deena, I haven't forgotten Stone Moons either <:}
)
Congrats Bill on "We Descend" finally making it into the light.
Gavin.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
vr
I find it difficult to know where to start when critiquing ht fiction. So
I'll go with the structure. Nichelle, I found "vr" a pleasure to navigate.
I never got lost, I felt in control because of the way each fragment linked
back to the top page.
The first time I read it I picked interesting fragments and seemed to get
all the sex bits. Perhaps this means your fragments are well chosen to touch
the subconscious, or maybe it's just me. Either way when I came back to read
it seriously I did the fragments top to bottom.
Some links go from piece to piece rather than to the top page. I found these
more interesting when I had actually read the destination piece previously,
because I didn't have to read/work to know what that piece was about - I was
able to concentrate on what the link might be saying.
Getting into the actual writing, some of it drew me in, and some of it pushed
me away. Generally when Nichelle was laying down her thoughts about school
or life I enjoyed the read. Confessional stuff like the guy's email about
his first time captivated me. The abortion piece hit me pretty hard. The higher,
denser stuff about humanism or whatever by other characters left me cold
and I found myself skimming. I suppose the contrast isn't all that surprising
given the variety of the pieces. If you want to revise it I'd suggest more
of the sharp character stuff and a little less of the realistic rambling
emails.
Having Nichelle in it is involving. Not knowing what is autobiography and
what isn't gives the writing electricity. I have a feeling it is mostly autobiographical?
I got as far as the MOO door and stopped there. I need to eat something and
go to the pub. The last two days have made my head hurt. Perhaps another time.
I think the lyrics from "Gangsta Gangsta" are slightly wrong but maybe that's
deliberate. I think there are even more crass examples on "Efil4zaggin" if
you're interested.
The cast of characters is a great idea. Actually I would like to see it
nearer the top of the page as I wish I'd read it earlier. It would have helped
me get a handle on who all these people were.
Finally I've got to say matrix.htm is *brilliant* in a voyeuristic and uplifting
and saddening kind of way. I love the dialogue with the guy paging from another
room while the lesbian cybersex is happening. For me a lot of the other stuff
comes together there.
Thanks for showing us this work.
Gavin.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Nichelle
Date: 9 March 1998
Subject: hex
I've got a copy of The World up on aa.net and I've checked the links, but
I'm tired and a little brain-fried. When you've got time, could you please
check the links and see if everything is working. Please also check over the
bibliography- I made a few stylistic changes there, and also at the rl moo
page... got rid of the tables and tried to make things line up. Something
to look for- links should go to aa.net- a link might work but still go to
the dreamscape site...
Also, what should the 'our page has moved' page say?
From: Nichelle
Date: 11 March 1998
Subject: Re: You may already be a winner
Here are my two entries:
Lovely Aaron sucks penis with cheer.
To his lover said, "It's not so queer
That I love to give head
In the bar or in bed.
It's great taste is like no other, dear."
Lovely Erin gives blowjobs with cheer.
She opens wide when guests appear.
Swallows streams of dark Guinness
Spraying out a stout puinness.
It's made Erin the Maid o' the Year.
Nichelle
From: Columbine
Date: 12 March 1998
Subject: Re: You may already be a winner
Nichelle, Gabriel: I get the feeling that you two do not take this contest
entirely seriously.
I recognize that the stuff you're writing is certainly more in keeping with
the *actual* character of Irish pub doggerel. Yet somehow I don't think the
Guinness people will acknowledge that. Call me cynical.
From: Nichelle
Date: 12 March 1998
Subject: Re: You may already be a winner
At 02:57 PM 3/12/98 -0500, columbine wrote:
>Nichelle, Gabriel: I get the feeling that you two do not take this
>contest entirely seriously.
He actually *entered* his!
Nichelle
From: SAGReiss
Date: 13 March 1998
Subject: FREE HARDCORE ANIMAL SEX FETISH
Nichelle, your cat has got worms, stringy, white larvae writhing about her
pubic fur, if that's what one calls it, in the general vicinity of her anus.
I don't know where she picks up these things. You haven't been taking her
on late-night excusions to the Oz Club on Guys & Dolls night, have you?
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: SAGReiss
Date: 16 March 1998
Subject: 60"
Seven o'clock at the Tennis Club players' lounge. The usual drunks are sipping
martinis and manhattans. Someone has asked us to turn up the television volume,
so this huge brown head is shouting at us about the President of the United
States touching her. "Where," asks the gently concerned interviewer with professional
compassion, "did he touch you?" "He touched my breasts." She said something
about his putting her hand on him. I went to the kitchen, so I didn't hear
the predictable: "Where did he..." It was rivetting testimony, even if it
had been rehearsed, which it may or may not have, but it sure sounded that
way. The chef is a one-eyed Swiss, so he talks to me in Schwizerdietsch, which
is like Upper-Rhein Alsatian, which I understand. I answer in Lower-Rhein
Alsatian, which he understands. The assistant F&B is an evil Chinese called
Raymond Wong, whom I avoid at all costs. He is professionally rude and cruel.
It's a little surreal. The only one who is sane and speaks English is our
supervisor, Dawn, who doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. At least she's
on our side. The guy who was s'posed to be training me is a flamer who can't
explain shit, except what Randy and Dave and his grandmother and his cats
and dogs are doing for the week-end. He never stops talking, and I have to
ask someone else or figure it out myself whenever I've got a problem. One
thing I have learned recently, from the bookkeeper (What is the only word
in the English language with three consecutive double letters?) at the Plaza,
where I've given notice, is how to take the tax out of a tax-inclusive (or
tax-and-service-inclusive) price. One divides by 1.091 for a sales tax of
9.1 percent. I love that. Just knowing that makes me feel big and powerful.
Anyway things went very wrong very fast. Someone yelled: "[He had to yell
because everyone in the club is old and deaf and drunk, which impairs hearing.]
Who asked for the volume to be turned up so loud?" There was silence, except
for that woman droning on about the misdeeds of our fearless leader. A horrible
argument ensued. One of the local drunks quipped: "What's he doing in the
bar? He doesn't even drink." It was a bad scene. There was ugly talk of by-laws
and letters to the board of directors. We had to comp a few dinners and drinks
to make sure no one's feelings were hurt. The bartender played the political
angle: "They're all Republicans. That's why they argue like children. They
wanted to watch because Clinton's a Democrat." Fair enough, and it might even
be true, but who gives a shit about the by-laws of the bar in a club for
rich, retired alcoholics? Sargeant McKinney is innocent. Mister Bill is guilty.
Mary Kay is pregnant again, and I've got a job where humor is not against
the rules.
RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Gavin
Date: 20 March 1998
Subject: Re: VR
Here are Majorie's thoughts on VR.
Gavin.
---- Start of forwarded text ----
> From: Marjorie
>
> Hello all:
>
> Gavin's post and lovely "spoiler" review of *Califia* jogged me into
> action re Nichelle's *vr*. I had visited the site a couple of times,
> dipping into the fragments randomly--but it was time to do a serious
> read.
>
> So, to Nichelle, some responses:
> VR
>
> First, I like the simplicty of the opening screen--even the very
> unlikely color combination seems right--it's informal, offbeat, and
yet
> friendly. I feel as though I am invited to jump in anywhere. However,
> on careful, sequential reading, I see that I might have wanted to check
> out the cast of characters, first (I agree with Gavin that this might
be
> placed up front)--
> Also, for reasons not clear to me, in my early, random readings, I
> seemed to choose only e-mails from Nichelle. When I first encountered
> letters from others, Scott, Natalie, Murder, and the whole crew (rf
> Pynchon), I was surprised. It was only at this point that I began to
> understand the framing convention of the loosely-knit MOO. This is
> fine. As long as I am interested in the characters, I will wait a while
> for the structure to be clear.
> And I was fascinated by your ** Nichelle** voice--its disaffection,
> impatience, and frustration. Letters to the World (which seemed to
be
> quite correctly directed) has just about the right level of alarm.
> Then, when I read through from the beginning, back-and-forward tracking
> to see the nature of the dialogue, I liked the humor (gee the French
> come in for a beating--but it's funny) very much.
> The issues raised by the presence/absence of the narrator are
> fascinating. **Nichelle** is both author and participant. Yet, if the
> piece is taken in its entirety, that persona is not forgrounded very
> much. I'm pretty far in before I make the connection between author,
> Nichelle, Scott, and the sex scenes. Who is responsible for the poetry
> that isn't e-mail? How, exactly, are we to read the process of the
> construction? Is it the author who is making up these e-mails? Or is
> the author a web facilitator only, who quotes *real-life* e-mail from
> the *real life* of the narrator, Nichelle? The complexity, the
> meandering quality of the conversations suggests an almost uncreatable
> sense of randomness. Who, for example, is responsible for the grammar
> errors? I read those as wonderfully-constructed examples of the same
> kind of disconnection that occurs in the "classroom" scenes--and so
> thought them deviously funny--"we got our close off."
> Perhaps I am trying to slice the autobiographical/fiction wafer a little
> too thin--and unnecessarily. (Although, your strategy seems to suggest
> you want the reader to take this into account.)
> However, the issue of where, exactly, dynamic authorship makes its
> infusion into a text like VR does not interfere with my enjoyment.
I
> mention it because I have been so interested in the nature of "voice"
in
> electronic narrative. I'm always wondering how exectronic writers are
> going to subsitute for the "default" author we know and dismiss in
print
> fiction. One good way, of course, is to frame the story as e-mail
> exchanges.
> In the lit-crit parts, I just wanted to jump into the e-mail and start
> asking everyone questions. (It's the teacher in me, in us all.)
>
> Thank you for jumping into the rain barrel with us--and giving us a
> chance to read and comment on your work. I'd love to see what you are
> working on next.
>
> Always, Margie
---- End of forwarded text ----
From: Nichelle
Date: 28 March 1998
Subject: sixty-twelve boyfriends
It's 4:40. I'm sharp. I'm disgusted and heartbroken. We fight the same fight
each time. We have fought it since we met. It isn't easy to live with the
smartest man in the world. I don't know why I feel guilty for telling you
why I feel hurt. I won't apologize this time for sitting in the bottom of
the bathtub with wet hair and my legs falling asleep and not wanting to move
and not wanting to fight the same fight yet again with you. I'm 25 years old
and I'm getting gray hair and I fear that I may never know what it's like
to be wanted. It isn't about playing my clarinet or staying busy or going
to school or having lots of little friends. It's about guilting you into
a five minute fuck that I don't enjoy, that I'm not ready for, that gets
me worked up but after you come you roll over and ignore me. If you're not
attracted to me, why live with me? If you're not interested in my little stories,
don't think my jokes are funny, then why bother? What do you get out of it?
Did you just decide that you might as well settle for a fat girl who's ten
years younger than you because you're unhappy with your career and you're
threatened by successful women your own age? I know I am cruel, but we have
lived this way for two years, and I sincerely love you but I don't know that
I understand how your mind works. You think everyone is an asshole. It's
you and Shakes against the world, and by god if Freud didn't say it then
it isn't true. Which is fine, and I can deal with that, but you don't even
like to look at me, or touch me. Am I that horrible? I know you don't want/need
to hear this same story again, and I feel like a criminal each time I confront
you. I know it's selfish, but what about me? I need to be loved. I am tired
of chasing around friends who can't keep in touch with me and begging people
to love and accept me. Don't I deserve it?
Nichelle
From: SAGReiss
Date: 30 March 1998
Subject: Guilty obsession
Attached: Bball.xls
Ever since I can remember, ever since I looked at a baseball card and read
the name Don Drysdale, I have been obsessed by baseball and its symbolic representations.
I know this is wrong. Later I came to explain it when I learned what alliteration
is, and its influence on English poetry. I think it also has something to
do with a perverse sense of order, wanting to find the perfect way to arrange
my box of eight Crayola crayons. I still suffer from a theory of color influenced
by that struggle. Our web pages reflect this. Anyway, John, here is my dilemma.
I only foist it on you because we all know that one day soon I shall conquer
the world and appoint you Minister of All Things Geekish. Here is your mission
in life: I have done most of the leg work. What I need is for you to create
the following formulae for the columns J, K, L and M. I'm not even sure of
the exact proper mathematical symbols to represent them. Here's what I think:
J = (C + G - I)(C + D + 2E + 3F + H)/(B + G)
K = B - C + I
L = J/K
M = 10(square root of 6L)
From: John
Date: 31 March 1998
Subject: Re: Guilty obsession
Start at row 3, then copy down. Paste will fix the row number.
> J = (C + G - I)(C + D + 2E + 3F + H)/(B + G)
J3: =(c3+g3-i3)*(c3+d3+2*e3+3*f3+h3)/(b3+g3)
> K = B - C + I
K3: =b3-c3+i3
> L = J/K
L3: =j3/k3
> M = 10(square root of 6L)
M3: =10*SQRT(6*l3)
I can't help you if your equations are wrong because I don't know what any
of this means, but they'll make some numbers appear in the appropriate places.
February 1998
April 1998
vr: 1998
