vr

a novel

Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss

February 1998

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

From: SAGReiss
Date: 2 February 1998
Subject: Anouncing new web 'zine

That menu I sent was meant to point out the perils of letting Amerikans use money to buy food. It looks like: "How many expensive ingredients could we possibly put on a plate?" I've created our own banquet menu (meaning there's a $7.50 per person deposit) at a prix fixe of $30.00 plus $15.00 for wine, according to consumption:

Pinot grigio

Carciofo alla Toscana steamed artichoke stuffed with Italian sausage

Bardolino chiaretto

Osso buco alla Milanese braised veal shank with saffron risotto

Chianti

Torta della casa choice of home-made dessert

Marsala

Anyway Nichelle wants to begin a web 'zine. She asked me for help naming it, since I am not amused by morphological mistakes (barbarisms in our trade) such as "hyperdex". I'd like to suggest Hex. It means "six" in Greek, whence "sex" in Latin, and "witch" in German. Nichelle wants to do updates on Sunday night for the Monday-morning-bored-at-work crowd, which makes sense to me. I'll have to get off my ass and write something from time to time, which wouldn't be a bad thing. It would be easier if I didn't have such an awful job. One good thing about the Sheraton, there was often something funny to write about. Monica jokes are already smelling stale. If she has any brains, she'll show her fat ass to Bob Guccione and collect the two million. Not bad for an afternoon's work. In six months she'll be just another unemployable FWB who once went down on a president whose only remaining ally is Buddy the dog. And who knows about that? I haven't seen any Buddy-licks-Hillary GIFs, but Matilda likes to rim me in the morning.

From: SAGReiss
Date: 8 February 1998
Subject: Ass-kicking icon
Attached: R&Glogo.bmp

Nichelle told me not to do this, but I'm attaching our beautiful new Pulcinella logo even though she hasn't smoothed out the edges and fixed a couple of things. I love it. She hates it. negatron gets an assist for downloading the stupid thing in a workable format. It doesn't say copyright in the place I stole it from, nor is there any other proprietary information, nor even an e-mail address to inquire. I bickered with Nichelle to make it two dimentional (eliminate shading) and chose the color scheme. As you can see, we've got a new ISP. So far as I know this group has nothing to do with alcoholics anonymous. And remember, I never slept with that woman.

RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss

From: SAGReiss
Date: 23 February 1998
Subject: le femme ordinaire

le femme ordinaire
sans la douche
c'est frisson ridicule
en le bouche
cuisse vide est pourtant
la la la
gros je suis ennui
chocolat

(Nichelle)

the ordinary woman
without a shower
it's ridiculous thrill
in the mouth
empty thigh is yet
there there there
fat I am boredom
chocolate

(SAGReiss)

RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss

From: SAGReiss
Date: 27 February 1998
Subject: You may already be a winner

This is my first draft entry to the contest (Please see Guinness site for details.) which I've just sent.

Lovely Erin serves Guinness with cheer.
Its great taste is like no other beer.
She serves white, creamy head
Or else breakfast in bed.
Guests both Erin and Guinness revere.

RECTVM VINVM
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss

January 1998

March 1998

vr: 1998