From: SAGReiss
Date: 1 March 1996
Subject: (no subject)
Would someone please forward the message where I thanked scaredycat for the
technical help? My 'puter seems to have misplaced the file and I seem to have
misplaced a paper copy. Scorn? Yes. Hatred? Yes. Loathing? Yes. You see I've
read too many books. They are a depressing lot from Gulliver's Travels to
Jude the Obscure. Also happinness and optimism are particularly American traits
and my mind and adult personality was formed in Europe where I studied and
worked and lived throughout my twenties. Nothing very bad has ever happened
to me, but this is the way I feel. Many bad things have happened to you, but
they do not seemed to have turned you into a mean drunk. But I can still respect
an act of sheer will and courage. And I love great literature and strongly
advise you to quit school now, write the Great American Rape Novel in exactly
the style of your e-mail, but without the cheese of course, and you will
be a millionairess in minutes. There is no book on the market anything remotely
like the one you could write, not even in the libraries. Please do it before
you get scooped by one of the camp de viol victimes in Bosnia. Why should
I encourage you to do anything, Tyisha, except go out and get drunk and have
unprotected sex a lot? Why would I want you, assuming I want anything for
you, to go out and lead a successful life as a slimy lawyer and capitalist
dog? True I am not a sis, but I haven't made much so far of otherworldly
gifts and a solid middle class upbringing, have I? It's coming. I only promised
myself to do as well as my namesake and conquor the world by the age of thirty-three.
I still have another year to go and I don't think I'm pressed for time. I'll
make this concession, Tyisha, if you need help in any arts and sciences or
psych classes, I'll make myself available. From what I've seen at SU you
may have no other access to world-class scolarship. Very few of the profs
here have ever published in such a prestigeous literary journal as Les Temps
Modernes. Berkeley is probably a better school, but whatknow. It's damn sure
not of the calibre of the University of Strasbourg or the University of Freiburg.
As you can see, I've trimmed the list to those who are participating. Don't
worry about Corinne and Jeff. They are my friends irl and they know what
they are doing. See if you can find another bad-ass or two to join, either
irl or on some MOO. Where do you two MOO? Salut bisamme.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 1 March 1996
Subject: Must work tomorrow at six
Someone called in sick and I must get up very, very early in the morning.
I can talk to you now for an hour or two. I'm sorry, but after 6PM OZtime
will be too late. Please e-mail me if your free and we'll meet on the 'net
if you like.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 1 March 1996
Subject: Tale of Two Cities
Your reading of the letters from my list serve was severely flawed. Either
your English skills need work, or you didn't understand the cultural context
(One of the letters was a spoof on a Dickens novel.) or my style is a little
tough for you. When you misinterpreted that I said you had asked to join the
serve, it is obvious that I'm talking about Nichelle. I don't really care
why you don't want to participate, but I'm taking you off, of course. Please
tell me if you receive any more mail, and I'll see that it's dealt with.
I bought this 'puter to use essentially for e-mail, the MOOs, eventually to
create a real list serve, writing scholarly research etc. I thought it wise
to have a top of the line model because in five years this won't seem very
big nor very fast. As to your silly threat about logging lambda, nothing worth
logging ever happens on lambda, which is why I'm always in search of a MOO
for the thinking man. If you can help me find one I'd be grateful. I'm going
to try IRC as soon as I get my software upgrade. Besides I am neither a journalist
nor a teacher. I wait tables, remember?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 1 March 1996
Subject: Foolish calculations
I've only just realized it's after 1AM here and I have to wake up in fewer
than three hours. There's no point in my going to sleep. If you want to talk
to me I'll be in the chat rooms. There may be a way of paging or locating
a particular person. I don't know. I hope to see you and talk to you until
8PM OZtime.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 1 March 1996
Subject: Here I am
I'm in the Atrium restaurant at the table for ten.
From: scaredycat
Date: 1 March 1996
Subject: Re: Tale of Two Cities
i read it (the novel), and it wasn't to hard to see that you swapped the
S and the T, i guess my english needs work. anyway, i didn't threaten you
with anything, just thought i'd let you know. did you try the webster server
(the one i gave you to check words)? it's a cute idea, esp if you need a defenition
and don't have your dictionary around. i have a file some place about IRC,
i can send it if you want. --scaredycat
From: SAGReiss
Date: 1 March 1996
Subject: Reading
I doubt the problem is your English. I just put that in there to tweak your
big nose. The problem is more likely poor reading skills and bad reading habits.
Reading requires extreme concentration and an utmost care to the details
of syntax, vocabulary, rhythm and rhetoric, in short style. To do this one
must never read on the screen, always off paper, in silence, no Pearl Jam
blasting through high technology speakers with subwoofers from Japan driving
your mother batty and you deaf. My style is very deceiving, very difficult
to penetrate. It looks so natural, so idiomatic, as if I were talking, but
if you looks carefully at the levels of stylistic variation, tone, irony,
allusion, you'll see it's a technique just as studied as that of Proust or
Faulkner. I know what I'm doing on a keyboard, and I've honed my skills relentlessly
over the past eighteen years or so. It is a style which has an explicit esthetic
and linguistic justification. It only looks like I'm improvising. I am not.
From: karen have a guess
Date: 1 March 1996
Subject: Re: Foolish calculations
dear scott,
thank you for your emails. i got home after work at 8pm australian time
and just missed you on th line. got all your messages. do let me know in
email when yyou're on again.
take care, bye for now, karen
From: SAGReiss
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: Skeleton in the cupboard
Awake for more than thirty straight hours, I have decided to profit from
your painfully-felt absence by telling you the worst thing you could possibly
know about me, before you figure it out for yourself, as you will not neglect
to do, sooner rather than later. Indeed it is a secret for very few people
who know me and I would have told you myself (I did allude to it, but I'm
not sure you took note.) except that I was so surprized and flattered that
a woman of your calibre would be interested in a working-class bum like me,
I was affraid to lose you before I even had a chance to find you. The expectations
I place on myself are so high, as are the expectations others place on me
(I have been known to both family and friends as Genius, if a troubled genius,
for as long as I can remember.), that despite a certain cocky self-confidence
(intellectual, sexual) I have felt like a failure for many, many years. The
burdon of my middle name, Alexander, is such that I really think I have but
one year left to conquer the world. Even my computer I have named Bucephalus
in honor of this family tradition. Paradoxically, I feel I have at least an
even shot at making good by the symbolic age of thirty-three, with BABEL in
my pocket. Indeed I feel the brunt of the whole universe upon my shoulders,
as something I must understand and explain to the world. The Nobel prize for
literature is something which my family believes, and has long believed, is
within my grasp, even if they understand nothing of the style I have created.
They think: "If he would only stop doing that dumb e-mail shit, he could write
a proustian masterpiece," but just as significantally I think: "If I can
only show the world that Proust won't work for us anymore, they will understand
that my e-mail and cybertext are a new kind of masterpiece." Indeed the simple
pressure of thinking as hard as I do, concentrating with such intense mental
discipline on the problem at hand, pondering the great questions of life
from the moment I awake to the moment I fall asleep, mathematics at breakfast?"
That's why I hate to dream. I feel that my mind is being cheated out of well-deserved
rest. That plus the everyday loneliness, lack of love, from which you and
so many others of us suffer suffise to create a symptom of terminal tension,
guilt and shame. (This is a very long introduction, but I have a rule I have
made for myself: once you commit something to paper [or the screen in this
case] you cannot back off, you must send it.) I am an alcoholic. There, that
was easy. If you can't love me because of that, so be it. Some girls can't.
The Peruvian poetess hated alcohol, though she drank a fair amount of wine
and was addicted to antidepressants. My ex-wife (I call her that, though
we were never married.) once wrote: "If you didn't drink you would be perfect,
and perfectly unbearable." You are a doctor so you probably have your own
opinions about such matters as 200 gamma GTs. (That was the allusion I made
to my problem.) Anyway I feel much better telling you this right away. You
have had a chance to see the best of me, my brains, my erudition, my wit
and my lovemaking, and now you see me at my weakest. I think I too have seen
you both strong and vulnerable. I think I can take you with your faults.
I wrote to my mother: "Last night I met the woman I think I will marry."
I am not a man who doubts like Hamlet. I doubt like David Hume, who can still
play billiards at two o'clock in the morning. Today this phrase came to my
mind: "Dr Yung, would you like to become Mrs Dr Yung?" Words come to me like
that. Flaubert had an almost mystical view of language which to some extent
I share. Language does not belong to us. On the contrary we often seem to
belong to it. I don't feel that my words come from me, but that they come
to me.
From: CARLTON&PETRINA
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: Re: Kicking ass
Oh,Jesus, SAG really! This is outrageous, even for you!
From: Nichelle
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: The Great American Rape Novel
> And I love great literature and strongly advise
> you to quit school now, write the Great American Rape Novel in exactly
the
> style of your e-mail, but without the cheese of course, and you will
be a
> millionairess in minutes.
No way. Thanks for your confidence in my writing ability, though. There
actually was a time when I wanted to be a writer, though this isn't the sort
of thing I was writing at the time. It's just that I don't want to be immortalized
as a victim. Can't you just imagine all of the calls from sleazy talk shows
inviting me to come as an expert, book in hand, sit at the end of the couch
with a bunch of weepy 19 year olds? No fucking way. If everyone in the world
was like you, Scott and Tyisha and the rest of you, then I might just be able
to do it. I might have a chance of being understood.
As for quitting school, I guess you just don't know me well enough to know
about my other talents. You obviously have never heard me play the clarinet.
Any beyond the talents, there is a whole lot more about me that you may get
to know also, if we ever get past this abuse thing.
I'm not too interested in being famous. Rich, I could handle. Or at least
richer than I am. I don't own a single piece of furniture that isn't made
out of plywood and cinder blocks. I did manage to get myself some summer work,
a night job playing musicals every night for two months. During the days,
I may end up graduating with my degree (finally), whatever that means. It
is strange, but I already have this feeling of completion. I wonder if I
ought to get my masters degree. I often feel that the university is getting
in the way of my education.
Oh, and I MOO on IdMOO where I am called Petrouchka and on Lambda, where
I am called Nectarine. There are a few other places, but these are the important
ones.
Nichelle
From: karen have a guess
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: Re: Skeleton in the cupboard
dear scott,
thank you for sharing your "secret" with me. it does not make any difference
in our friendship. I am a doctor and i do understand the vulnerability of
human minds. but the difference of the word "am" and "was" would somehow be
important. we, human have our weaknesses but to me you grow from your experience.
(do forgive me... english is not my first language. my grammer is horrible)
i understand you well. but......... you should be strong!! i have been lucky
all my life. I would like to live a few lives in my short live time. There
was a time I was very depressed (last about 2 years.......... my marriage)
but one day i woke up and i decided that i could not live like that. i'm
healthy (compare yourselve to those people in the war zone!!) and i should
make use of my life...... it took me a while to see the light at the other
end of the tunnel. but once i saw that light, everything looks so beautiful.
you are ONLY 33. i know a few people who didn't go to uni until they were
30+. CHEER UP!!! make use of your life!! i know it is difficult and it'd
take a lot of hardship but....... believe in yourselve and be confident. from
your writting i can see an intelligent man with a wonderful creatative mind.
don't waste that. i've got to go now...... a hair cut in town. ooups i'm
running late. we are friends ok?! take care!! tell me when you're on and
we shall chat again.
yours, karen
From: scaredycat
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: Re: Reading
> one must never read on the screen.
not everyone has a printer.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: Dr Geisskopf will see you now
I do not understand the West's obsession with youth. (From what I read in
the papers twelve-year-old prostitutes are kind of big in the East.) I don't
care about getting older. On the contrary I dread dying young, as I think
I told you when you spoke to me about forensic medicine. I do however object
to your ageing me by a year because of the strong symbolism of my thirty-third
birthday. Remember Caesar looking at a bust of Alexander and saying that at
such an age Alexander had already conquered the world? Chateaubriand also
said that every generation had thirty-three years, the age of Christ when
he died. I have five months left to equal my namesake. I am only thirty-two.
And I was only thirty-one when I wrote the book I believe will be known as
the first work of the third millenium. Why would you become depressed about
your marriage five years after your divorce, if my chronology of your life
is right? Anyway I probably fit the clinical definition of depression, but
that definition is probably so vague as to include just about everyone. I
told you that black bile dominates my personality and that Europessimism helped
form my mind. There might be, however, some difference between life and art.
(If you don't know, this is what I consider my art, but it could perhaps
blur into my life...) I do sometimes laugh, though I don't smile because
I lived for so long in Europe and Europeans don't smile like Americans. I
do enjoy many aspects of my work, believe it or not. I do go to the pub and
joke with the boys. I write and receive a lot of e-mail, though I very seldom
see my irl friends for reasons that are obscure to me. I am certainly more
bitter, more cynical, brooding, sardonic in e-mail that in on-line chat, which
is a lot closer to real life. The internet is just blurring the distinctions
between art and life (which have never been clear and with which all serious
artists have always struggled) just as it blurs the distinction between written
and spoken language. I have to go to work now. I should get off, and Can we
talk then? I'll look for you in the 10-person rooms in the chat garden.
Rectum vinum.
Gaby
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: Re: The Great American Rape Novel
Nichelle,
Whatever helps you to cope better with your traumatic experiences you do
because you want to. It is admirable that you deemed us good enough people
to relate your feelings about the horrific situations that happened to you.
Whatever you decide to do just know that I am behind you 200%.
Sincerely,
Tyisha
From: SAGReiss
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: meeting
Are you sleeping or at church? Isn't the fourteen-hour difference right?
From: Francesca
Date: 2 March 1996
Subject: textes
Gabriel
i enjoyed the texts - hope to find them in print some time
best,
gash
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: I am a fucking idiot.
My whole fucking time sheet is off, and it's costing me your company. God
am I a dumb ass.
NY: OZ
6AM: 8PM
9AM: 11PM
NOON: 2AM
3PM: 5AM
6PM: 8AM
9PM: 11AM
MIDNIGHT: 2PM
3AM: 5PM
I'm so sorry. I'm such a cunt. I'll just wait for you. I hope I'll see you
in an hour's time. Actually I couldn't have asked you to wake up at 6AM on
a Sunday anyway. A bientot.
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Re: your mail
Now I realize why you are so fucked up. Help in Psych classes fuck you and
what you are going through. I have never needed your help in the past and
I damn sure do not need your help now.
Why should you encourage me to do anything? The truth of the matter is you
shouldn't. I do not need nor did I ever ask for your encouragement or lack
thereof. Going out and getting drunk and having alot of unprotected sex? I
leave that up to your sorry ass. #1 I respect myself too much to do some shit
like that, something you seem to be wholly lacking of. Why would you want
to do anything for me? Did I ever ask your sorry ass to want something for
me? I think not. You are no significant part of my life. As if you not wanting
something good and productive for and to me would hinder me in fulfilling
my goals. Or do you know what that word stands for? Probably not. Slimy lawyer?....You
better check yourself Scott (Oh I forgot you are not black so you would not
understand the black dialect) You better watch what you say to me because
I will not be a slimy lawyer I will be damn good one and you better not forget
it because you will need me one day and if you fuck up too many times with
me you will fuck up with dealing with one of the best persons you have had
the opportunity to meet in your entire lifetime. (No I am not conceited; I
am convinced, and there is a difference in that as well....because you seem
to have alot of trouble distinguishing differences.) Capitalist dog? Watch
yourself Scott for you went way too fucking far in your insults by making
such a reference to me. Do you know how many times my family and I have been
screwed over by people who are staunch capitalists? No you do not, so before
you go out doing all your fucking name calling do your damn research. Understand?
Just because I want to be filthy rich does not mean I am a capitalist dog.
If anything you are the capitalist dog wanting to be rich and "conquer the
world". (Scary thought). Oh and another thing MR. Wise Ass....Not only is
the University of California at Berkeley a better school it is a great school.
Do me a favor.....if you are going to talk about something you better have
your facts straight....and not just based on your damn experiences. Can you
do that or will your expertise (right) and pride prevent you from doing so?
You see Scott, I think you have met your match because when you come at
me with some shit like your asss just did I am going to have a rebuttal every
single time. And if you can't take it then you are definitely not the person
that all these people here believe that you are. Cause just like you don't
give a fuck....take a close look and see if I give a fuck.Tyisha
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Fatigue
Last night is a drunken blur. First I got slammed at work. Thirty room service
orders is huge, horrible. I managed to get our more or less on time, around
half past eleven, a nervous wreck. A few whiskies later I began feeling better.
A loud fight with some foul-mouthed teenage girl helped me to unwind, but
by the time I was ready to go to sleep I looked at my watch and it said twenty
to two. I keenly saw the bootlessness of going to sleep with the alarm set
for four. So in a drunken stupor I steadily charted a course of action. I
ordered a sandwhich and put it in the oven to stay warm. Then I Mooed until
four, ate my sandwhich with coffee, sobered up (I had only had maybe eight
to ten drinks, so it was no big deal.) bathed, got dressed and calmly strolled
to work. Not too bad. Yesterday I almost made a hundred and fifty dollars,
today maybe one twenty. I should be able to pay the rent come Thursday.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Where are you?
I'm going crazy, my dear friend. Are you online?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Mr Wise Ass
Tyisha, if you're fucking with me, you're out of your league. I'm twelve
years older and a lot smarter and better educated than you will ever be. Just
ask Corinne and Jeff. Or you can check your school library for Les Temps Modernes,
one of the most prestigeous literary journals in France, founded by Sartre
and Beauvoir, December 1989. I think you'll recognize the name of one of
the contributers. As for needing a lawyer (Bad things can happen to anyone.)
I've already got mine, so thanks but no thanks. As for the person you all
think I am, Corinne and Jeff know me very well irl. What you others think,
I have no idea. When I go on lambda as a guest (I don't want to be a member
of a dumb-ass MOO.) I use this description: "Small, mean, polyglot intellectual,"
which pretty much sums it up. Do you play classical or jazz, Nichelle? Oh
and Tyisha, I'm pretty good in black English, 'cause I've spent almost every
evening for the last year and a half in bars in the ghetto patronized by
an all-black (except me) clientele.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: A Printer
How could you not have a printer? Please send me your name and address and
I'll order you a Hewlett Packard 5L Laserjet like mine. You're welcome. Gaby.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Stood up
I'm bitterly disappointed, crushed. In part it was my fault, since I fucked
the time change, but it's now 7PM NYtime and I think it's 9PM OZtime. I'm
very punctual. I'm always fifteen minutes early and almost never miss work
or an appointment. Perhaps you don't want to talk to me. I don't fucking know.
I'm on room service tomorrow morning so I'll be on the 'net at about 3PM
here, which I think is 5AM in OZ. I'll be on for a couple of hours, so if
you want to talk a little before work, that's fine. Please, please e-mail
me to confirm. Also I'm not working Monday and Tuesday. E-mail me to say when
we can talk, anytime day or night, at your convenience. What have I done
wrong? Why does everything in my life have to fuck up so bad?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Very bad day
Well, I don't fucking know. We're going to have to find a new place to meet
anyway. I can't afford MSN. I'm just checking it out during a free trial period.
My real account, once I get a software upgrade and work out some the bugs
(within a fortnight) my address will be sagr9@bergman.syr.vcomm.net, but
we'll have to move to independant chat rooms or direct talking which I don't
know how to do yet. I can't afford long phone calls either. I'm a poor man,
not a rich boy. I don't really care. I don't care for money, or about it,
but as Charles Bukowski says: "Sex and money seem a lot more important when
you don't have any."
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Silence
Sending you a blind letter just to wonder, what are you doing, thinking.
Why do you seldom (almost never) write? Why do we never see eachother? I guess
I'm not complaining, but I'd at least like to be able to explain to others
how our weird friendship, if I may call it that, works. I'm constantly telling
people: "My two best friends live within walking distance from me, but I
haven't seen them in six months." Is there a reason for this? You never (almost
never) even e-mail me. If I'm being indiscreet, please forgive me. Am I somehow
terribly wrong and naive to call you my two best friends? After all, I thought
of Sweet Lou and Calamity Kate as friends, but they apparently left without
leaving a trace. I'd like to get Eric and Vanessa on our listserve... Just
wondering...
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Sleep
I'm so sorry, love, I must go to sleep. I don't understand what fucked up
today. Do you know what the real time difference is? Do you want to talk with
me? I don't know anything. I hate life.
From: Nichelle
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: That's Mr. Wise Ass Sir, to you.
>Do you play classical or jazz, Nichelle?
Yes. And a lot of other things too. Tonight was the last night of the show
(Big River) and I get to play a lot of Dixieland jazz, which is heaven for
a clarinetist. You just squiggle around up in the nosebleed register of the
instrument. Basically, I play the clarinet, and anything you put in front
of me will be played well, with enthusiasm and soul. Period.
This musical has been a fucking disaster. Talk about actors who can't sing
(though I doubt any of us musicians act well, either). Besides the out of
tune singers, the bass player's instrument broke (the bridge slipped) on two
different nights, the sewer backed up in the theater and the whole stage smelled
like shit tonight, and the only amusing mistake was last night when the synth
player accidentally hit one of those cheesy drum beat buttons at a completely
imappropriate moment, and a disco beat started up during a slow harmonica
solo.
Today I got toghether with an old friend who I haven't seen for a few years.
He has thrown himself into the Spokane river on two different occasions, and
it is surprising that he is sill alive. He tells me that I look as beautiful
and tender and innocent as ever, and I said a few things that made his cheeks
turn bright red, and the tension was magnificent. If only I had that effect
on all men. Or maybe that's my problem.
From: Nichelle
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Mr. Old, Smart, and Well Educated Ass
> I'm twelve years older and a lot smarter and better educated than you
will
>ever be.
And a thousand times more arrogant. Twelve years is a long time, sugar plum.
I would love to hear about what you were doing when you were 22. (How old
are you, Tyisha?)
>Just ask Corinne and Jeff.
Okay, I will. Corinne? Jeff? What's the scoop on Scott?
As for what I think of you... It goes against every instinct I have, but
I actually kind of like you sometimes. I am convinced, however, that it would
be a terrible idea to let you conquer the world. Are you with me on this one,
Tyisha?
I also think you're pretty hard on Tyisha. Sounds like Mr. Grumpy Bear needs
a nap.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Where are you?
Half out of my mind (which, as you know, is a very big place) with sadness
and despair, I'm going to take drastic measures to find you. First I'm going
to call you right now, which is about five AM NYtime and should be seven PM
OZtime. Then I'm going to turn on my telephone ringer, which I usually have
off because of my crazy schedule and hatred of the damned phone. I'll be
at work for about eight hours and then am off for forty-eight. You can call
me any time, anywhere day or night. I don't care if I'm asleep or crazy or
dead. I can't believe in the information age we can't seem to stay in touch.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: I'm a dumb ass.
Maybe this will make it easier. I'll give you my phone number. I'm so un-used
to the phone that I can barely remember it. It's (315) 425-0388. Please call
or e-mail or both. If not I'm going to steal a credit card and fly to Sydney.
From: karen have a guess
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: (no subject)
i've got all your emails. i think you should cool down a bit. i don't think
this is healthy. please leave me alone.
From: karen have a guess
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: (no subject)
scott,
please cool down!!!!!!!!! i'm sorry but i think this is gettting out of
hand. please leave me alone. i'm sorry. plase don't email me or contact me
anymore.
karen. please
From: karen have a guess
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: (no subject)
scott,
i believe i should explain everything clearly to you. i do like to chat
with people, lots of people and all different kinds of people. and you are
not the only person that ive chatted with. i would like to friends with everyone
including you...... but please cool down. this is getting out of hand. OK??
please don't do this any more. PLEASE
karen
From: SAGReiss
Date: 3 March 1996
Subject: Won't bother you again.
No this is not healthy. You are a doctor. I should have thought you'd understand.
We are all sick, with what Kierkegaard calls "The Sickness unto Death". Plato
tells one of the most painful tales ever told when Socrates calmly drinks
the hemlock and tells his friend Phaedo: "I owe a cock to Asclapius," the
god of healing, for curing him of the disease known as life. I have a different
attitude towards death which I have called the Alfred de Musset school of
suicide. In our day he probably would have died from AIDS. I shan't be so
lucky. I may be like my eighty-six-year-old grandmother, who has wished for
death for nearly a decade, too tough to die. I'm a bit surprized by your change
of heart (I would be a liar not to admit it.) and of course a bit disappointed.
You kept asking me when I would be on line so we could talk. Perhaps I was
a bit overbearing, a bit too bold, a bit too "daring" is the word we used.
That's a habit I have. I like to push my mind, and other people's minds,
as far as they can possibly go. Though I don't particularly like The 120
Days of Sodom (They lack the humour and irony of Sade's other works.), it
is a worthy testament to a man whose mind simply couldn't be stopped, a man
willing to shed the last bit of his humanity to see what his intellect could
yield. I'm kind of disappointed in you too. I thought you understood the
game, but I can see you still hold on to comfortable pillows like health and
good manners. I have left all that behind, willingly and even willfully. I
have destroyed my own career, my own language, my own self, in a fight to
the finish with the powers of the human mind. That's OK. You're a big girl
and as you say there are many other fish in the 'net. I too talk to as many
of them as possible. Not many seem so promising as you did. It's a shame,
but what can I do? I've turned my phone back off, which a big relief. Soon
I won't even be on MSN so we won't meet up by accident. Another chapter in
a weird and impossible novel which has the advantage of being absolutely truleaning
towards the title "Rectum Vinum" for the sequel to BABEL. There is no such
thing as safe sex, even on the internet.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Re: Mr. Old, Smart, and Well Educated Ass
That's a fair question, Nichelle. What was I doing ten years ago? In the
winter of our discontent 1986, I was in my first year at the University of
Strasbourg. I had already learned Greek, Latin and French and was struggling
with German, a struggle which alas continues. I had already swallowed the
whole corpus of English and American literature and was reading the French
classics voraciously. I was already a confirmed alcoholic, who would read
all day instead of going to class and then go to the Belle Epoque and get
blind drunk. At Easter I wrote a seminal text on the comparative linguistics,
prosedy and literature of English, French and German which remains as readable
and as insightful today as the day I wrote it. I later incorporated it into
a book-length study of the works of Jacques Lacan, whom you don't read in
Psych 101, Tyisha, they don't want to give you the good stuff. I was involved,
as I remember, in several fruitful correspondences, with my attorney, a high-school
friend, with an otherwise married gf from the states and with a virgin called
Carine or Karine. I would soon bed a thirty-something psychologist called
Martine. I had no friends, a pattern which would continue until the present
more or less, unless you count my friends in Saverne, with whom I have no
more contact because they don't have e-mail, and Corinne and Jeff, whose relationship
to me I have yet to fathom. I hope you are all sending eachother blind e-mail
messages and wish you would invite other people on. I'm always trying to
find new members. Eventually, when I get some money, I shall turn this into
a listserve. As to your contention that I am an arrogant man, Nichelle, this
is quite true, but not because I state the obvious truth. The fact is that
I am a man of unmatched calibre, and everyone who knows me acknowledges this
simple fact more or less explicitely, depending on their own jealous ego.
That you are all very smart bad-ass bitches is also true. Why fight about
it? My arrogance comes to the fore when I will never. I have suffered for
it, particularly I got screwed at SU. Corinne, and to some extent Jeff, will
let some things slide, but I play for keeps and I keep score. I am, or shall
soon be, to SU what the Antichrist is to the Vatican. And I will make a lot
of people very upset. Some of them will sue. So be it.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: (no subject)
Send me fucking copy of that e-mail, beginning with: "I'm Surprized," or
something like that, the one where I anzwered Rita about her help with the
listserve. What do you think about all this? Talk you fuck.
From: Nichelle
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Literature and Music
Quick question, Scott? (to all of you, really) What is the appeal of literature
for you? What do you gain personally from it? I read, but I don't have the
kind of passion for literature that you seem to have. Lately, I have read
mostly poetry and music-related texts. My real hunger is for music, I guess.
I gave up on writing. I have a need to express myself in words, to put my
thoughts and questions into specific terms, to name them, to look at them
from the outside. But I satisfy that need through my interactions on the net,
and through a journal which I keep mostly as a form of self-communication.
I don't write in an artistic way, not the way I once thought I would. Not
the way I play the clarinet.
Do music and literature serve the same purpose? I see both as an expression
of humanity. Ideas and emotions and experiences and interaction.
I don't feel that either writing or music can meet my expressive needs.
If I have both, I come closer. What the fuck is it I think I have to express
anyway?
I'm not sure, except that I have this burning need to express who I am,
how I look at the world, what I think and feel and see. It is far stronger
than my fear of being misunderstood. I want to take the hand of my audience
and guide it, like a lover, to my center. I thrive on intimacy, and the challenge
of creating an intimacy onstage with hundreds of people present is thrilling
to me. I have found a way of opening myself up in front of an audience who
is willing (sometimes) to experience a small part of me and appreciate it.
Is that it, then? The appeal of literature? To step inside another mind
and experience the world in a new way?
Nichelle
From: SAGReiss
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Re: Literature and Music
I can see Jeff sitting there snickering and saying to Corinne (They live
together.): "Watch. He is going to tear her undergraduate ass up." And of
course I am, but it isn't going to be fun for me. If the university of Washington
wasn't able to give you an education, I'll do it. It's free, in a sense, but
it isn't painless and it doesn't begin with boosting your self-esteem. It
begins with tearing down years of misguided misinformation from dumb-ass American
schools. Corinne and I have the huge advantage of being educated in Europe,
particularly in France, where the school system, the world's largest employer
with three million civil servants, despite arguments and complaints which
date back to Charlemagne, is one of the best in the world. First, for your
musical education, I'll put you in the hands of Charles Ives. Please listen
to his second symphony (my favorite) and anything else you can find. Almost
fifty years ago Alain Robbe-Grillet, a fine esthetic thinker though I don't
like his novels very much, said: "A writer is basically someone who has nothing
to say, but has a way of saying it." Sam "Bam" Beckett took this so seriously
that if he had lived another couple of years he would have published a hundred
blank pages with "Untitled by Anonymous" on the cover, which is a very stupid
thing to do, but an excellant metaphore. Just to show you how dumb your last
letter is, you could fax it to AA&T and they would buy it from you to
use in their TV ads: "Reach out and touch someone." I'm trying to explain
to myself how a woman who could write such a brilliant and beautiful letter
as you did before, could write such new-age doggerel. I think your unfortunate
sexual experiences, if I may call them that, so galvanized your mind that
even years of creative writing classes couldn't prevent you from writing
simple, moving prose. Now let's look at the text. This is an embarassment
to me, everyone on this list and most of all to yourself. What the fuck, I
wonder, is self-communication? Do you fucking e-mail yourself or garentees
you'll write this kind of gibberish. Writing artistically is what you did
when, as Sidney says, you looked in your heart (He was joking, of course,
he was looking into Petrarch's sonnets about Laure de Sade, a direct ascendent
of the Marquis.) and wrote about those dudes roughing up your pussy. Yes,
music and literature serve the same purpose, but it's not an expression of
humanity, nor ideas, nor emotions, nor experiences, nor interaction. They
have nothing at all to do with who you are, and certainly not guiding me,
like a lover, to your center. I'm trying to refrain from making a tasteless
joke here, as I've held back from all the things I could have said about playing
the clarinet. Please admire my tact and honorable restraint. I'm not stepping
inside of anyone else's fucking mind either. Art and science (They're the
same thing as everyone from Pythagorus to Da Vinci clearly understood.) are
an attempt by man to impose order on what appears to be chaos. They, like
numbers, do not describe the world, they represent it. They, like numbers,
are teleologically meaningless. When some asshole asked Bethoven what one
of his numbers meant, he sighed and played it again, Sam. When someone asked
Orson Welles, a brilliant man, what he felt was his strength as an artist,
he said he could take absolutely any object and instantly know exactly the
camara angle from which to shoot it. James Joyce said: "I care for nothing
but style." I have nothing to say, but I know the way to say it is through
e-mail of my peculiar kind and cybertext. There's a long esthetic and linguistic
theory behind all of this, but I won't bore you, and myself, with the details.
Lecture over. School's out. That's enough for right now, Mr Antichrist.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: WWW
I'm very drunk, but god damn it woman you have got guts. to write me "the
fine education received on on a living room floor in Edmonton" you are a big
and tough woman. I admire you as does every member of thids net. I will twake
up the finer points, where you are all wrong, tomoprrow. you will always win
the moral batle but i will always be smarter than you. don't fight that that's
the way it is.I like you very much and beleibve me this moo is going forwarword.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: L'amour de ma vie
Salut,
Oui je suis deja amoureux de toi (On tutoie dans le 'net, non?) et du Cyberspace.
Il m'a fallu tellement longtemps pour decouvrir toutes ces choses parce que
(Ca va te paraitre etrange.) j'etais en France sans contact avec le monde
informatique. Laisse-moi me presenter. Je m'appelle Scott Alexander Gabriel
Reiss. Je suis americain, desole pour ton ami en taule. J'ai vecu a Strasbourg
et a Saverne pendant dix ans. Si ton probleme avec une version anglaise de
ta page est de trouver un traducteur, me voici. Je le ferais avec plaisir,
mais je ne sais rien des ordinatrices, vraiment rien, sauf que j'en ai une
tres belle qui s'appelle Bucephalus. J'aimerais tant te parler en temps reel.
On peut faire ca au bistrot? C'est le soir en France maintenant. Je vais envoyer
ca et continuer de me presenter dans une autre lettre en attendant ta reponse,
si je puis m'y attendre bien sur.
Ciao.
Gaby
From: SAGReiss
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Moi
J'ai trente-deux ans. Je sais c'est horriblement vieux dans le 'net, mais
que puis-je? Je parle anglais, francais et allemand et j'essaie d'apprendre
l'espagnol au resto ou je travaille. Je suis un intello qui fais un boulot
proletaire. Pourquoi? Et bien je t'explique. J'ai passe une quinzaine d'annees
dans une douzaine de facs aux Etats-Unis, au Canada, en France et en Allemagne,
mais je n'ai pas de diplome, meme pas un bac. Je me suis toujours foutu de
ca. Je suis linguiste de formation et j'ai surtout etudie la linguistique
textuelle et la literature comparee. Je suis ecrivain de vocation. J'ai un
grand roman que je viens d'envoyer a un editeur. J'ai des espoirs. Au fait
j'ai deja fait publier un article dans Les Temps modernes de decembre 1989.
Est-ce que tu lis l'anglais par hasard? Si oui, je peux t'envoyer la traduction
que j'ai faite d'un sonnet de Ronsard. Je crois que c'est beau. Bien je vais
t'envoyer ca, puis essayer de trouver la discussion en temps reel au cafe.
Salut.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Le Cafe Orbital
Madame, Monsieur,
Ayant vu un article dans le journal, j'aimerais savoir comment je peux parler
avec les gens dans votre etablissement en temps reel.
Merci infiniement.
Gabriel
From: Keith
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Re: Sale of Two Titties
i have 200 fucking stupid e-mails
to read in 1 hour
and i dont dive a fuck about any of them
fuck this alot!
hi i sent yoiu sAReiss mail last week and it came back twice
what the fuck
????
From: Keith
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Re: Only the beginning
cynicism is good, even if it's spelled wrong..
why fight a way againmst it.it wont work
smile
and be cynical
From: Keith
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
why the fuck do you send the previous 4 letters below every thing yousend
i repl'd 3 times
i dont check this thing all that
much
sorry
anyway
hi y'all
by'all
From: Keith
Date: 4 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
why make fucking jokes if it makes you wince inside
if it's not funny, if it's fucked up why say it and pretend to laugh
???
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: WWW
I found the fucking web site and it's great. The first person whose home
page I opened is this beautiful Arab girl screaming anti-American propaganda
about some political prisoner in Pennsylvania. I e-mailed her immediately.
This is so fucking amazing. Fuck MSN. These people even have a fucking blue
ribbon on their net to show support for freedom of speech on the net. Minor
problem, I think they want me to pay to connect. Fuck that, I'll just e-mail
people (I signed their log book so I should be receiving e-mail too.) and
meet them on the French MOO. Freedom of speech, but you have to pay. Yeah
right. Why Jeff are you still jerking off in school instead of being a man
and figuring out how to get us on the motherfucking web? Oh and another thing,
I'll joke about whatever the fuck I want. The alternative is too painful.
I just had my screen freeze and had to copy by hand and reboot. I check the
mail and the fucking publisher has written me. They gave me their web address
and I can see these are the guys for me. All of the shit they publish is cyberporn.
I am elated, exstatic and have tomorrow off too. You don't see, when you
enter here ("Abandon all hope ye who enter here.") some fascist disclaimer
like when you go to the sex rooms at MSN. I was in a room creating a terrible
brawl, no this was before the brawl and there was nobody on the net and I
joked: "There must be a secret sex room which we're too dumb enough to know
about." That was no joke. I just discovered it, and it was packed. These
people are fucked. I just can't wait till I get my new software package. Then
we'll move to my other address, which is either bergman.net or fellini.net
I'm not sure and there may still be a few bugs amd I often can't get on at
night. I'll use either this account or a Delphi account as a backup. I haven't
decided yet. I don't know MSN's prices, but Delphi is pretty cheap at non-business
hours, $20 for 20 hours plus $1.80 per additional off-peak hour. I wish these
fuckers would e-mail me. I'm
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Recent submission
Sir or Madam,
Having terrible problems with my cheap, uncensored direct internet provider,
I have three e-mail addresses, some of which may work, one of which with the
fascist Microsoft Network. The latter is probably only temporary. I recently
sent you an extract from a cyberporn e-novel called BABEL. I have just visited
your web site and think we would make a great team. The only problem is that
my text is not typed and double-spaced because it deals so much with the physical,
technical, technological act of writing that it would make no sense at all
to eliminate its multi-media format. Eventually different fonts and points
could reproduce the different types of writing. Please tell me if you are
aware of my submission and are still interested.
Thank you so much for your consideration.
Faithfully,
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: CARLTON&PETRINA
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
He sure has a way with words, doesnt he?
From: SuzMo
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: racy chats
where can i find the large selections of chats that kind that AOL offers
(without going over to that overpriced cash cow). Looking for all those racy
ones... alt.sex;blkm4whtw;mmfsf, bdsm, etc. etc. etc. post or email me
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: racy chats
Use telnet to go to lambda.parc.xerox.com 8888 and connect as a guest. do
@gender female and then @describe me as <description> and the @go #53011.
this is the sex room and you're on your own from there.Another possibility
is that you tell me something about yourself and perhaps i'll put you on an
informal listserve I have. You're welcome.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
He is my fucking best friend and a very good writer and an honest man. Fuck
you whoever the fuck you are, Carlton and Petrina. I have no idea how you
got on here. Who the fuck are you?
From: Loretta
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
who are you?
From: Loretta
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Sale of Two Titties
who are you guys?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Sale of Two Titties
We are not guys, except for me and Jeff. All the others are women. We met,
Loretta, on lambda about six months ago. You gave me your e-mail address (which
I'd like you to confirm, should you wish to become a member of this list)
at that time. I don't know much of anything about most of the people on here.
Corinne and Jeff are my best friends irl. I know them. The others are probably
college girls interested in what a bad-ass intellectual has to say. This
is very experimental. It's going to become a Web site and listserve as soon
as Jeff gets off his ass and tells Jude, the Obscure One, to come over to
my house and help me set it up. Donde es la Comecabra, amiga?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Horse training
I'm not sure why you wanted me to e-mail you except perhaps that there are
as few men who know how to do cybersex right as know how do it right irl.
My name is Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss. I'm 32m. I usually describe myself
on internet sights as <small, mean, polyglot intellectual> which pretty
much tells the tale. What else do you want to know? Tell me something about
yourself.
From: Nichelle
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Literature and Music
> If the university of
> Washington wasn't able to give you an education, I'll do it. It's free,
in a
> sense, but it isn't painless and it doesn't begin with boosting your
> self-esteem.
That's how the learning process generally works. It's sharp and quick, like
touching your hand to a hot stove. And, by the way, I don't attend the Univeristy
of Washington. There isn't much danger of you damaging my self-esteem. You
know that I'm not fragile.
> First, for your musical education, I'll put you in the hands of Charles
> Ives. Please listen to his second symphony (my favorite) and anything
else you
> can find.
Okay, I will. I am familiar with the music of Charles Ives... what is it
you think I'll gain from listening to him? If you're going to guide my musical
education, don't you think you ought to tell me these things?
>Almost fifty years ago Alain Robbe-Grillet, a fine esthetic thinker
> though I don't like his novels very much, said: "A writer is basically
someone
> who has nothing to say, but has a way of saying it." Sam "Bam" Beckett
took
> this so seriously that if he had lived another couple of years he would
have
> published a hundred blank pages with "Untitled by Anonymous" on the
cover,
> which is a very stupid thing to do, but an excellant metaphore.
What about John Cage, who wrote a piece of music with no notes, or Robert
Rauschenberg painting white canvases with white paint? The idea is that there
is no such thing as silence, that every noise and sound has meaning, musically
at least. When you publish a blank book with blank pages doesn't say nothing,
it makes a statement, it has meaning. The lights in the gallery where Rauschenberg's
white paintings were displayed cast shadows on the canvas.
> Yes, music and
> literature serve the same purpose, but it's not an expression of humanity,
nor
> ideas, nor emotions, nor experiences, nor interaction. They have nothing
at
> all to do with who you are, and certainly not guiding me, like a lover,
to
> your center.
This is what infuriates me about you, Scott. You open your mouth and think
that what comes out is the Truth. You can talk to me about literature as much
as you want. Your experience with literature is far greater than mine. But
don't fucking tell me about music, because you *don't* know what I know about
it. What do you know about musical intimacy? I have soloed with a major symphony
and have been playing music professionally since I graduated from high school.
I play the clarinet full-time plus some, practice and perofrmances and rehearsals
for more than six-hours a day. So don't tell me you're a fucking expert just
because you studied in France.
>I'm trying to refrain from making a tasteless joke here, as I've
> held back from all the things I could have said about playing the clarinet.
> Please admire my tact and honorable restraint.
I don't. If you have something to say, say it. If not, don't bother to mention
it. Spit it out, let's have it.
> Art and science (They're the same thing as
> everyone from Pythagorus to Da Vinci clearly understood.) are an attempt
by
> man to impose order on what appears to be chaos.
Thank you. Here's something that actually hints at the question I asked
with total sincerity. You never did fully answer me.
I can't say that I don't care what you think. If I didn't, I wouldn't have
posted it. But if you think that the fine education you received in Europe
is superior to the fine education I received on a living room floor in Edmonton,
you're wrong. You said that nothing bad has happened to you, but you still
feel hatred, scorn, and loathing. And many bad things have happened to me
and they didn't turn me into a mean drunk. I can live through horror and fear
and shame and come out of it optimistic. They don't teach that in your fine
schools. You don't have to be tortured to be brilliant, to suffer to be an
artist.
NIchelle
From: Nichelle
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Sale of Two Titties
> The others are
> probably college girls interested in what a bad-ass intellectual has
to say.
Maybe we all ought to get cheerleader outfits.
From: VeritasLuxMea
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lux et Veritas
> You must be a Yalie.
No, Andover and Harvard.
> I don't know about your cyberbf, but aparently he hasn't answered.
Rectum vinum.
He is not cybrbf. Real world bf. Just because of distance we e-mailed much
along w/ calls and so on.
From: David
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: WWW
Scott,
Who the fuck am I? I am a friend of Nichelle's, who has been forwarding
some of this correspondence to me. Deal with it.
While you are obviously a smart guy, I find you highly amusing. You seem
to be a classic and cliched example of someone who cannot converse with the
world, choosing instead to erect his own Mt. Everest from which to theorize
in totalizing fashion. And just as every totalizing logic requires that its
"True" propositions be subject to endless repetition in order that they will
remain as such, you are not one to let us forget your superiority in matters
where Truth is concerned. But the need for repetition betrays an essential
insecurity. Seeing as you were educated in La France, you have undoubtedly
read Derrida, who maintains (I paraphrase) that inherent within any text's
logic of intelligibility are the very means by which that logic can be undone.
Fearful of your undoing, you must don your professorial gown and lecture our
Nichelle on her natural inferiority before the pillar of truth. A pillar which,
if left ignored, might be supplanted by another paradigm. All that marches
under the banner of truth are paiper-maiche cut-outs.
In other words Scott, you know your position of insecurity as Most High,
and therefore must seek to impishly assert it at every instant so that we
ordinary proles do not forget. You remind me of black turtleneck-wearing "poets"
with their little books, in which they scribble and scribble their mantras
which no one will ever read. Yes Scott, you *are* the Most High, for your
pain is your pain, and none of us with ever climb the pillar on which we
could join with you in a dialectical resolution that would bring about the
culmination of Geist, manifested as (your) Superego. I suppose Nichelle should
be satisfied with the fact that you even deign to compliment her character.
(Like she needs you to boost her self-esteem.)
Your use of "France" is particularly amusing. Apart from the elitist and
classist (forgive my 'doggerel') tone evident in such an affirmation, what
better way to show your inherent superiority than to invoke the semiotics
of "France," which call to mind an urbane sophistication lacking in us Yankees
and an instant identification with the "Intelligentsia" (whoever they are).
Not to mention that "France" is oh so fucking sexy.
Well, I'm trying to refrain from making a tasteless joke here. Please admire
my tact and honorable restraint, as we continue to admire you for your unshakeable
conviction to speak the Truth wherever such is called for.
Very truly yours,
David
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Mr. Old, Smart, and Well Educated Ass
Thank you Nichelle. I am 18 years old. And yes I agree with the fact that
Scott is likeabel but sometimes he is just out of control.
Tyisha
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: WWW
Scott,
I know you do not care but could you refrian from using the derogatory terms
bitch and nigger because they are not greatly appreciated by me.
Tyisha
From: Nichelle
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: WWW
> Scott,
> I know you do not care but could you refrian from using the derogatory
> terms bitch and nigger because they are not greatly appreciated by
me.
>
> Tyisha
Or by any of us.
Nichelle
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
I agree with you completely wild.
Tyisha
On Mon, 4 Mar 1996, CARLTON&PETRINA wrote:
> He sure has a way with words, doesnt he?
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Sale of Two Titties
Maybe Scott should get a cheerleader outfit as well since we are "bad smart
ass bitches" and intellectuals as well who Scott wants to listen to.
Tyisha
On Mon, 4 Mar 1996 Nichelle wrote:
> > The others are
> > probably college girls interested in what a bad-ass intellectual
has to say.
>
> Maybe we all ought to get cheerleader outfits.
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: WWW
Dammit Scott you are so fucking arrogant and SOMETIMES I like for that attribute.
Tyisha
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: WWW
Thanks Nichelle...Nice to know I have support from someone. :)
Tyisha
On Mon, 4 Mar 1996 Nichelle wrote:
> > Scott,
> > I know you do not care but could you refrian from using the derogatory
> > terms bitch and nigger because they are not greatly appreciated
by me.
> >
> > Tyisha
>
> Or by any of us.
>
> Nichelle
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Returned Mail (Errors)
Scott,
Are you still having problems with the mail because I keep getting back
the same email addresses that I discussed with you before. How soon will
this problem be taken care of because it is annoying. Thanks for your prompt
attention in this matter.
Sincerely,
Tyisha
From: Vicki
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Horse training
Hello Scott,
My name is Vicki, just turned 36, and found you extremely appealing.
I had to run!
I too would consider myself small, mean, and a polyglot intellectual! Love
horses and did ride in Yorba Linda. I went to one college out there, Cal Poly,
Pomona and earned one of my two degrees. I love life and all living things
and the activities that bring me closer to nature......lol (a real animal
at heart).
Tell me more about yourself, your interests, hobbies, and intellectual attributes
(most appealing).
Vicki
From: Francesca
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: FW: WWW
shallow childish unimaginative prosaic
i'm flattered
gash
ps please take me off yr listserve as i am on a free email service and i
have a limited amount of Etraffic i can receive..so this is my work space
rather than my research zone
From: Keith
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
it grows it grows and now i'm misguided... ohh no... i hope i'll be ok
(gasp!)
and as for scott gabe or what ever the hell he terms himself... i think
you will all find that asking him to refrain from this.. or to do this or
that is a lost cause... he thinks he knows everything...
a real night mare of classical education... where everything is carved in
stone and shakespaer (sorry gabe...) is the penultimate...
and if you dont see it... just inferior...
but who every has a problem with cynicis...please stop
it's silly
and so as this madness gets started... we will all sit back and learn?
maybe
but it seems to me that it's rapidly headed for name calling... bitch
nigger mother fucker fuck you no fuck you no FUCK you
and on and on...
tyshia i can picture the resopnse... hell it could already have
been written (i rean out of disk space) and sitting on the server...
"p.c...... first amendment rights ... blacks use it.... why cant i...."
i dunno... i dunno
i just dont know
From: Loretta
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Hey?!
I KNOW that i met you on LambdaMOO but what's going on NOW? Who in the
world is Keith? Would you fill me in?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: (no subject)
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From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Overwhelmed
I have not the slightest idea where to begin, I have just received two dozen
e-mail messages. Your attacks on me, which I gratefully ackowledge, fall just
a little bit short on one small point. You are all here because I wanted you
here. This expanding monsterpiece is just the product of my will, a figment
of my imagination. And I set it up intentionally to be as democratic and anarchistic
as possible. You see, you all can depose me as figurehead king of this moo
at any time. Indeed you could kick me right off it simply by continuing amonst
yourselves and excluding my address. (By the way, would Loretta and Carlton
and Petrina please send me their proper e-mail addresses. Mine is going to
change soon and I want to make sure no one gets lost, while getting anyone
off who wants to leave. Please cooperate with me on this by always answering
my last letter.) I really don't care if you do, for I can set up another
as easily as I set up this one. I lead only as far as you let me, based on
whatever moral and intellectual authority you give me. You see? I've got
you right where I want you, in a bind, a catch-22. If I'm such a miserable
asshole, why are you here listening to me and fueling my boundless ego and
hunger for e-mail? Why do you put up with my drunken, foul-mouthed self?
And no, Jeff knows me too well not to know that I will not abstain from using
words like bitch or cunt or even (And I have slight hesitations on this one,
since I do get drunk every night in the hood with the bros.) nigger. Freedom
of speech means freedom of speech. What I put in my e-mail is not equivalent
to shouting fire in a crowded theatre by any means. So, now I'll go through
your very-much appreciated letters and try to answer specific points. Rectum
vinum and a vos souhaits. Now David, of course I'm very familiar with Derrida.
I'm a linguist formally trained in structuralist theory. I think I have just
shown you how I willingly and willfully included in this 'net the seeds of
my own downfall, the undoing of my own perverted logic. I secret from eachother
and thus been a true tyrant and ruled this without challenge. I didn't want
any more power than you would give me and, as I said, you can take it away
at any time. And yes you are climbing my Mt Everest in as much as you are
contributing and participating in this experiment. Oh, yes, thank you Loretta.
Please send me your dress sizes. I'm ordering the cheerleader outfits, UCONN
colors, one of the few universities which I have actually not attended, but
it's my home state (I went to Yale and Southern CT among a dozen others)
and they have a great basketball team which earned my twenty bucks when I
gave Syracuse 8 points and UCONN won by nine. Also their girls team is very
sexy. You write much better, Nichelle, when you are angry and I'm pretty
good at creating some very creative anger. What you should look for in Charles
Ives, also from CT and Yale, is me, for his esthetic theories are the closest
anyone comes to mine. It's a theory of imperfection or exploded letters (Sorry
about the terminology, but...) Chuck though he could write music like the
sound of two orchestras playing different songs at once, like people singing
out of key, pitch tempo etc. If you think about it a 100 piece orchestra
is never in synch, they just pretend to be, but Chas said what if i wrote
the music like that? And that's how I write, badly, wildly, weirdly, boring,
whatever. John Cage and Rauschenberg are cunts, munchkins, peanuts, ham and
eggers. The best author next to me is Harry Mathews and his best books are
Tlooth (not a misprint) and The Sinking of the Odradek Stadium. Suffering
is a very democratic institution, not confined to artists and maniacs like
myself. Jeff, who hides behind the fake name Keith to protect his identity
(There's so many womens here he's affraid he'll be the next one to get raped.)
this is not going to degenerate into name-calling because I won't let it,
not that there's much I can do about it, but I can try. You all know I like
you, or someone I like likes you (Please do invite yourwhine about my evil
mind and vile tongue.) or else you wouldn't be here. I have created this
as a writing workshop. We're writing a collective novel, but it can be anything
your imagination wants it to be. Any other questions I have forgotten about?
I didn't say you were misguided, Jeff, except I guess by going to Syracuse,
but you seem to have made up for that mistake. By the way where the fuck
did you come up with "a real night mare of classical education"? I thought
you were my friend. How could you say that about your ex-French teacher?
Shiiit I gave you a B+ and you only got an 84 on the exam. I should turn
you in for guilty knowledge about our cheating on the final and my fucking
Calamity Kate and giving her an A. And last, Shakespeare is not the penultimate
(next but last to those of you in our studio audience) but the ultimate, the
nec plus ultra, the best, even better than I...
From: Brian
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: Recent submission
I am aware of it, but am not sure what you'd like me to do with it, considering
I'm only reading for the Pocket Rocket Prize until 6/96. Are you thinking
I should publish it on the Web?
Brian, Editor/Publisher
Permeable Press
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Nixon's granddaughter
I didn't know my printer could do drawings. You see I'm just learning about
'puters and the 'net. How can you say you're mean when you love life and all
living things? I hate and loathe life and scorn the living things known as
human beings. I am a trained linguist who has studied comparative literature
in about 12 schools, at none of which eared a degree. My first profession
was as an English teacher in France where I stayed ten years until they kicked
me out. My second profession is waiter right now in a hotel restaurant. My
calling is as a writer and I've written a couple of books, one of which I
still hope to get published. I speak French and German and am trying to learn
Spanish from the dishwashers. I have no hobbies except the www and the internet
and smoking and drinking, not a very attractive date, but I am good in bed
and even at cybersex. I don't know what you expected. I'm just trying everything
out. Is this some kind of dating service?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: BABEL
Brian,
Thank you for your propt answer. I'm interested in finding a publisher for
the book in real life not on the Web. Would it possibly be acceptable for
the Pocket Rocket Prize, or any other of your collections? Could you put me
in contact with someone who would be willing to look at the whole thing? Does
the novel sound appealing to you at all? I'm sorry, that's a lot of questions.
I'm sure you know how it is for an intellectual to work in a restaurant waiting
tables and waiting for his luck to change.
Thank you for your time.
Respectfully,
Scott Alexander Gabriel Reiss
From: Brian
Date: 5 March 1996
Subject: Re: BABEL
I'd certainly be willing to read it in the context of the Pocket Rocket
Prize contest. All you'd have to do is enter it. You can get the rules from
my web site (tho it sounded like you already read them?) or I can mail them
to you along with an entry form. If you're worried about the format of the
book not fitting the rules of the contest, don't worry about it. The main
reason I didn't want the author's nake of every page was because I'm using
a bunch of freelance readers for this project and didn't want a name to influence
a reader's judgement. In your case, as in a couple of others, I'd simply read
the book myself.
Best,
Brian, Editor/Publisher
Permeable Press
From: Nichelle
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: mail?
My account has been fucked up today, I assume because I exceeded my space
quota. If there have been any messages in the last 24 hours, could you please
forward them to me? (I got all 400 of Tyisha's messages last night, so don't
bother with those.)
Nichelle
From: SAGReiss
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Now
If you get this please answer immediately. Why don't we go to lambda and
talk. I'd really like to talk to you in real time.
From: Nichelle
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Re: Now
I haven't been able to send email... I tried to get you, but couldn't.
Nichelle
From: Nichelle
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Re: Now
Ah, it works. I have no time now, but I'd like to talk also. Let me know
when you're around on the MOO.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Right away
I'm going on lambda this minute. Look for a guest in the quiet room called
small, mean, polyglot, intellectual, or any old guest.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Hic et nunc
Sorry I had some trouble getting on I'll wait a bit for an answer then go
back on lambda. Please answer.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Lambda
Alright, I'll go on now and you can find me whenever you like. I'll be a
guest called small, mean, polyglot intellectual.
From: Nichelle
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Re: Hic et nunc
Hi. I had a clarinet lesson to deal with. I'll check to see if you're still
around. I'm around on and off tonight, before and after an orchestra concert.
I hope to run into you.
Nichelle
From: SAGReiss
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: You are all assholes
This shit is too much for words. Nichelle and I managed to find eachother
on the 'net. We met in lambda and some other chickenshit MOO. She more or
less seriously offered me cybersex and I more or less seriously declined.
We joked about rape and whatnot, but she had to go too soon, far too soon.
For those of you who are interested we have a cyberdate tomorrow afternoon
at three NY time on lambda. All are welcome. As I told her this evening, in
six months I'll be able to quit my job and do this full-time for pay. If
only fucking Jeff would give me Jude's e-mail. I'll pay him $20 an hour, Jeff,
in cash, up front.
Could you please send him over here to make my 'pputer system work like
it should? The only delicate item is how to make people pay for our services.
I suggest we get a web site which will show a different e-mail every day chosen
at random so no one holds the floor. We simply ask for donations to adhere,
tax-deductible of course. We'll set up a non-profit organization. I'm sure
we could earn enough to live on. Shiiit with all this e-mail I hardly have
time to drink. Well I don't feel like dealing with myself, so I'll go cause
some trouble on lambda or MSN. Everyone on the latter already knows that
last night I got drunk and called some cunt a cunt. I may not last a week
on that fucking MOO.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Re: You are all assholes
By the way and i must be getting to sleep now for i work tomorrow. i make
a special plea to corinne to please introduce herself and write us a little.
i know you're shy, mais s'il te plait ecris-nous quelque chose. je suis sur
que tout nos amis l'apprecieront. Je t'emprie vraiment, Corinne, ecris-nous.
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Re: your mail
Scott You are such an intelligent ass and I will always like you even if
you do say hateful things to me at times. But I want to know what were you
trying to say in this email?
Tyisha
On Tue, 5 Mar 1996, Scott Reiss wrote:
> begin 600 KARENC~1.RTF
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From: SAGReiss
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: SAGR code
What's the matter, Tyisha, can't crack the code? It must be that Bell Curve
thang... Oops, just kidding, actually I tried to send you all a word file,
the text of my cyberdate with that other girl. Obviously it didn't work. Maybe
I'll show you some of the e-mail I wrote her. She, like everyone else in
my life for the past fifteen years or so, couldn't keep up with my voracious
hunger for words, spitting them out twenty-four hours a day almost. I barely
eat or sleep anymore. At the bar Mister Betsy and Lou, not Sweet Lou he's
another one of my legendary students, never came to class, but spoke the best
French, he deserved an F but I gave him a C+, he got out the best line of
the whole weird, crazy semester, at the first exam, i had to call him from
my office: "Lou this is your French teacher. Get your ass down here. We're
having a fucking exam." so he shows up looks at the exam for about five minutes,
stands up and says: "Fuck this shit. I've got better things to do. Can I
bum a cigarette off you?" I gave him a smoke and he stormed out, Sweet Lou,
where are you when I need you? Anyway Betsy and Lou are mad at me because
they feel I've been neglecting them. I had to buy them a drink yesterday
to calm them down. I often wonder how a short white boy can just walk past
the crack houses in the ghetto day and night with a lot of cash in his pocket
and nobody touches him. I think Anthony, the bouncer at Cosmos, must have
put the word out on the street: "Don't fuck with our white boy." He's a very
bad dude, 350 pounds of very sober muscle. Hell I know most everyone on the
block. The panhandlers don't even ask me for money anymore, just walk up
and ask how it's going. I'm always good for a few bucks in change. Hell, I
won't roll anything but quarters. The idea of making people pay for this shit
is bugging me. I think my idea about donations won't work, but I remember
my indignation at the Cafe Orbital when they asked for one franc per minute.
What do you all think about this. I need a secretary real bad. I'm going to
rubring myself to spend the time cleaning up my inbox and sent mail box, but
it must be done. Corinne and Jeff please give me Jude the Obscure One's e-mail
address. I will pay him to do the job. Shiiit, I may not even need you fuckers.
I'm in e-touch with a publisher and it seems right... Besides with my new
software from IDT and AT&T, I can create my own web site, I think, if
I figure out how. I can't believe that crazy, paranoid bitch scaredycat is coming
to NY and won't come here and do this for me. I have never met such a dazed
and confused person. I've got to go to work soon so I'll just chat a bit
and see you all at 3PM NYtime on lambda. Ciao.
From: Nichelle
Date: 6 March 1996
Subject: Email problems
I don't know what the problem is, but for some reason, I'm way over quota
and I'm not getting all of my email. Please forward any mail from yesterday,
and I'll try to get this thing worked out today so I won't have to ask again.
Thanks, and see you at 3.
Nichelle
From: Nichelle
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Fucking Insomniacs
> This shit is too much for words. Nichelle and I managed to find eachother
on
> the 'net. We met in lambda and some other chickenshit MOO. She more
or less
> seriously offered me cybersex and I more or less seriously declined.
Don't flatter yourself, honey. I don't "more or less" offer cybersex. Either
I do, or I don't. And I didn't. You didn't even buy me a cyber-dinner, or
any fucking cyber-roses. Some date you are.
> For those of
> you who are interested we have a cyberdate tomorrow afternoon at three
> NY time on lambda. All are welcome.
Wow. I didn't read this until about four hours after we talked. We could
have had an orgy. Next time Scott invites you all on a date with me, I will
expect you all to show up.
Actually, a lot came of that meeting. We came to the conclusion, right
before I had to leave for rehearsal, that I just "need a good fuck" and
that that would cure my insomnia. This ought to put the Sominex company
out of business. If this e-novel doesn't work out, you could always go
into business curing insomniacs. Nice work if you can get it.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: Fucking Insomniacs
Don't even try to play these silly games with me, stiff lips, I know an
offer when I see one. If you hadn't been pressed for time this afternoon,
you would probably have attempted to cyberrape me and (to tell the truth)
I don't know how much resistance I would have shown. That's exactly what
I mean about being no good at seduction, but good at sex, although you can
ask Corinne and Jeff I always pay for drinks, dinner, give roses and whatever.
I'm old school compared to you all. The first time Corinne and Jeff came
to my flat I scolded Jeff for going to the bathroom before Corinne, and he
said: "We don't do that shit anymore." By the way whatsyourfuckingname from
some weird mid-western state i said to Nichelle that i thought your letter
was quite well-written. Only problem is you have fallen into my well-laid
trap. Either you continue to answer and confirm my conception of this list
or you shut up and me and Nichelle will go on the web in a week or two and
you will be left behind. Nichelle, you're dealing with a very smart man.
I did invite them all, and I was very drunk when I did, but I was still smart
enough not to tell them how to find lambda, and if they knew, how to find
us. How would they have known your nickname? Hell you can probably ask Corinne
what Katie said about my cock and my lovemaking. We were both pretty drunk,
but I remember very clearly the number her mouth played on my dick. She was
at least as good in bed as the 94 she earned on her final.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: Fucking Insomniacs
Sorry she got a 96 (inverted 69) on the final, and besides you clearly offered
me, and I more or less clearly offered you (or perhaps it's the contrary)
sex irl, so fuck your bf in the Mid-West.
From: Nichelle
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: SAGR code
One more thing, before I take off for my rehearsal tonight. Hoard your secrets.
They are not safe here.
You see, the text does not belong to you. The minute you hit the key to
send it, it is the property of everyone on this list. Maybe you knew this
already. My text, which I shared with you in complete trust has been forwarded
to several other people without my permission.
Now here's the thing I don't understand. I send the text to Scott, he says
something like, "I'm not going to send it to the list, but I hope you will
do it yourself." But then he goes off and sends it around without asking me.
That makes absolutely no sense to me. If I had known this would happen, would
I have sent it anyway? I'm not sure.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: SAGR code
Yeah, so I sent the fucking text to my mother, so what? And yes this is
a public forum. Did any of you ever think about sending my letter concerning
Saddam Hussein to the hotel and getting me fired? Well, you could do that.
I'm not hiding. No text belongs to its author. "Je est un autre". How is it
that you talk about taking a plane to Syracuse and feeling my big cock in
you in my bed and then turn around and accuse me of dishonesty? Especially
when I admitted it to you. Anyone here who wants to hide his or her secrets
can just as well fuck off and go spamm on some other MOO 'cause I'll cut your
ass out of here anyway. In a week or two I'll have a web site publicized by
IDT and AT&T, so I can choose the number of members. Anyone who simply
wants to read the lessons of my life and mind without contributing anything
will be bounced.
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: SAGR code
Ha ha ha!!! Very funny Scott.
Bye,
Tyisha
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: SAGR code
Damn Scott What the hell is wrong with your ass. Did you wake up on the
wrong side of the bed this morning? LIghten up if that is possible. I hate
seeing you angry because the intelligence that you supposedly have is not
properly exuded in the right fashion when you are angry. Just an opinion.
Chow,
Tyisha
P.S. How is everyone on this list doing? Have not heard much from you except
for Nichelle. Come on now talk to me. :) Bye.
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: Overwhelmed
Hi Scott Tis I Tyisha once again to work your nerves. :)
I understand that I am here because you want me here but understand that
I am here because I want to be here as well.
Why do I put up with your Bullshit and constan arrogance? Because I enjoy
doing so. I like to see what makes you tick or go off and I think that to
some extent I have been pretty successful. Now as for your freedom of speech
I totally agree with you; I would never think of infringing on anyones rights
but just remember that when you call me niggger or bitch that you offend me
immensely and each time you do that Scott you loose just a little more respect
that I had for you in the beginning. Now I am sure that everyone like to
be respected in everyway possible. For me personally it is something that
I value and cherrish immensely. I have my freedom of speech as well and I
just wanted everyone to know where I stood even if you don't give a damn.
And I'm out, Tyisha
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: Fatigue
Scott, In all seriousness I want you to be careful because you talk about
getting drunk too often and I do not want you to lose your job okay? All I
am saying is that you be careful.
Tyisha
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
Yes Keith. I agree that telling Scott to refrain from doing something that
he has already done once or more maybe a waste of my time but I do not think
that it is futile. I think that Scott knowing that someone is taking offense
to his name calling will give him something to think about even if it is for
a brief second. As for the statements of blacks saying the word nigger...welll
while that may be true all blacks do not say that at all (like me) and so
what if they do say...it does not give other people the go ahead to insult
those who take offense to that word. Thats like saying that just because SOME
blacks use that insulting word that it's okay for everyone else to use, which
in my opinion is totally ludicrous. Now it would be futile for me to say
that this has nothing to do with the fact that I am black because I would
be lying.
Peacefully,
Tyisha
P.S. I would like to add that when blacks do use that word that it is for
the most part not used as an insult like when other ethnicities use it.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Fat white bitches revisited
You girls can try that shit on your undergrad bfs, but not on a man of calibre.
First, Miss Brown Suga, I'm not talking about gentrified blacks like you,
Corinne (Her mother is from Madagascar, but her father is a French dentiste.)
or Jude the Obscure One (His old man works for the CT state prison system.
He is the Man.) I have sat in that bar every night for more than a year with
the pimps, whores, bookmakers, drugdealers and assorted boys in the hood who
occasionally get drunk and talk about sticking a knife in your ass, white
motherfucker. Everybody in there has been to prison and owns a gun and I'm
the only one with a 'puter and a steady job. I even saw the guy who broke
into my flat while I was sleeping, so I know of what I speak. When they say
(And it was Jeff's argument, not mine, that they say it too.) "Don't give
them niggas a drink," is that s'posed to be a compliment? I recently stated
to some kind of radical feminist cyberpornographer that misogyny is just a
refinement of misanthropy, and I reserve the right to hate every race and
religion with equal wrath. As for you, Miss Stiff Lips, don't think you can
truss up our MOO conversations 'cause I got the script, I just don't know
how the fuck to send it. And I didn't say: "More or less offered" but "More
or less seriously offered" there's a big difference.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: Hey?!
This MOO is going to migrate, so if you don't send your proper, complete
e-mail address to MSN very soon, you won't be with us any longer. I'm sorry
and I hope to hear from you.
From: Keith
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: Lovescript
please read closer.. or perhpse i just cant write... i had anticipated
seeing that in the infamous ones(oh ego) response to your request.. and
i
did not anticipatye... not do i need a lecture on the semantice behind
that word.. although.. last night an interesting with 2 yo boy white kid
ex-cons did raise some interesting questions...
yo boy 1 (yb1)- yea kid we aint livin fast like before no niggas on the
corner schemin to be takin yo shit...
yo boy 2 (yb2)- aint seen noneadem niggas on the coner no beefIN no shootIN
etc.
both done time
both been bangin.. latino style
since they were 16
some howteh situation is different...
isnt it
????????
as for this whole fucking thing.. how mastubatory... like art
like lityerature like music
like life
just another fucking game... sometimes (appearentlyzy) a half assed
scheme to get laid
and sometimes...
From: David
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: Fat white bitches revisited
Scott, I am sick of you. Take me off of this fucking list.
David
From: SAGReiss
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: The Man
Trying to figure out whether we were going to get slammed as we did yesterday
when a group of eighty people walked in from out of nowhere and took over
the restaurant, I asked a member of that group who came to breakfast this
morning which conference they came from. "Justice Department." I smiled and
said: "Uh oh, I'll try not to do anything illegal. Then again it's not so
easy to break federal law." "We can always find something. All you have to
do is cross a state line." You fucking nazi swine from Maryland. I hate the
law. I even hate the so-called Masters (wizards on MSN) whom I call O Illustrious
One or Beloved Leader or Meister whenever I ask them a question. Just to be
on the safe side I apologized to that girl I called a cunt: "Your two dumb
friends, Fast and Sun, told me I should apologize to you, so I apologize."
"Dumb?" "Well they are dumb. You don't mean to tell me I can't say that in
this chat?" She said my apology lacked sincerity. Tyisha, could you please
translate Jeff's black English for me? I hardly understood a word, but, as
your ex-future French teacher, I approve. Jeff has a calligraphic epistolary
style and he used to close his letters with his motto, don't let them destroy
you. "a half-assed scheme to get laid"? This is going to be my own private
brothel cum psych ward cum writer's workshop and I don't see anything half-assed
about it. You're just jealous you didn't think of it first. I'm already designing
my Web site in my mind, polyglot porn, but none of those low-rent quotations,
no lists of favorite songs or movies, just some poetry, "Marie please fuck
me", a letter, perhaps the inaugural one, that way my parents could never
come on without being reminded of their terminal guilt and sin, and perhaps
each of you, the charter members of the list, would care to contribute something.
It's really too bad Calamity Kate isn't here to do the artwork. I don't know
if I'm up to the job. Jeff, do you know any snivelling co-ed in the art school
who would like to do it and might even give a littlis a lot of name-calling
on this list, but don't tell me you're like those nitwits on the 'net who
can't take a little passion or emotion 'cause I know better. You like a good
fight as much as I and so what if a little blood is drawn? Last night this
silly nineteen-year-old slut on MSN was doing some stupid cybersex routine
and I asked her if she really thought she could turn anyone on like that?
"You just want a piece of my pussy. You're jealous." "Darling, I don't think
you could give me a hard on if you tried all night." She bet me she could,
so we went to a private room where she continued her SUCKS YOUR COCK histrionics
for half an hour as I tried to explain to her that she might more profitably
begin with something like: "Unbuttons the top button of her shit." Finally
I levelled with her and told her to pick on someone her own size, that she
had no chance in Hell of ever exciting me. It was mean and ugly, but it had
to be done. Besides it was pedagogical and maybe she'll learn something. Oh,
yes, by the way, Nichelle, this may be just a way to comfort my guilty conscience,
but I did not want to put your text in a public forum. Once you did that,
with people unkown to you, handpicked by me, it seemed to me not really that
immoral to continue to give the text to others unknown to you of my choosing.
I couldn't ask your permission, for I would simply have found the answer
No unacceptable and I never ask a question unless I'm prepared to accept
any possible answer. I'm sorry, again. It's obviously not something I'm proud
of. USAToday carried an excerpt of John Updike's new novel. It's such cliche-ridden
trash I couldn't even get to the end of the first sentence. It's rot, eyewash.
He can't write his way out of a paper bag. I can't believe I'm having trouble
publishing a novel as superior to his. He should be shot and put out of his
misery. I'm off tomorrow so I'll be online until I get so drunk someone throws
me off. I'll probably spend my time in one of the sex rooms lambda starting
fights and not getting anew software from that dickass IDT. I'll be checking
my e-mail often. If anyone would like to join me, feel free. I can't go on
DU, Tyisha, 'cause they hate me so much they got me thrown off two servers,
SU and Delphi shortly after we met. Adieu.
From: David
Date: 7 March 1996
Subject: Re: The Man
Scott, I repeat, take me off this list of yours. You bore me.
David
From: Nichelle
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Re: The Man
> Oh, yes, by the way, Nichelle, this may be just a way
> to comfort my guilty conscience, but I did not want to put your text
in a
> public forum. Once you did that, with people unkown to you, handpicked
by me,
> it seemed to me not really that immoral to continue to give the text
to others
> unknown to you of my choosing. I couldn't ask your permission, for
I would
> simply have found the answer No unacceptable and I never ask a question
unless
> I'm prepared to accept any possible answer.
I understand why you did that. Just try to have some respect for what you
have there. It isn't so much the matter of sharing it with strangers on the
net that scares me. It's the threat of that creeping back here, to the people
I live with every day. Be careful with that thing, because it could really
fuck me up if the wrong people read it.
In that particular case, I would have said yes.
From: Nichelle
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Re: Fucking Insomniacs
> Don't even try to play these silly games with me, stiff lips, I know
an offer
> when I see one. If you hadn't been pressed for time this afternoon,
you would
> probably have attempted to cyberrape me and (to tell the truth) I don't
know
> how much resistance I would have shown.
I'm not trying to play games. I'm not denying what I said to you on Lambda.
I don't even care if you post it. I have said nothing I am ashamed of. I just
don't think that any of it was a blatant offer to have sex, on the moo or
in person, as you seem to have interpreted it. And cyberrape isn't really
a very appropriate word. There is a difference between rape and seduction,
quite a big one, and it does really matter to me that you use the proper term.
> Nichelle, you're dealing with a very smart man. I did invite them all,
and I
> was very drunk when I did, but I was still smart enough not to tell
them how
> to find lambda, and if they knew, how to find us. How would they have
known
> your nickname?
I announced to to everyone in my email a few days back when you asked us
where we all MOO.
From: Nichelle
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Re: SAGR code
> How is it that you
> talk about taking a plane to Syracuse and feeling my big cock in you
in my
> bed and then turn around and accuse me of dishonesty?
Okay, that's a fair call. Of course this isn't the whole story, just a fragment
of what was said, out of context. And what you have done is make me question
whether I ought to trust you, which I why I got so defensive. You know, if
we did fuck you'd probably post the dimensions of my pussy to everyone on
this list, how good it was or wasn't, and what grade you would have given
me in your French class. But in all fairness, I do owe you an apology.
> Anyone here who wants to hide his or her secrets can just
> as well fuck off
You see, that's the weird thing. I keep doing the same shit, even though
experience tells me not to. I will continue to post things that I would prefer
to keep among a small group. I suspect you will continue to send them around,
and it wasn't just to your mother.
From: Nichelle
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Do rapists kiss their victims?
Kind of an interesting question, actually. It's strange, because it is such
a repulsive thought to me. When my stepfather kissed me, I squirmed and fought
and ran to my room to cry. I wonder why he kissed me. I didn't have any love
for him, that was clear, and he had to hold me there while I struggled to
be able to do it. It isn't just an act of violence. It depends on the situation.
It has to do with perversion and lust, and yes they do, and in a way it's
the worst part.
When I think about being raped, I think about a violent asshole, holding
me down, calling me a whore, telling me how he fucked my mother. But when
I think of a rapist kissing a victim, I feel pity.
I was involved in a relationship witha guy named Don for two or three years.
It was a pretty good relationship, actually. We were a good match. But sometimes,
when we had sex, I would get scared. It's understandable. I would shake, or
cry, I would push him off of me. He didn't understand how I felt at that moment.
It was horrible. A few times it upset him so much he just left me there.
At those moments, I think I was able to see inside of the mind of a rapist.
I wanted to hurt him so that he could understand me. I wanted him to know
what it meant to be raped. There were times when I attacked him with complete
sexual violence. He enjoyed it, and it made me angrier. I don't think he ever
knew that I felt that violence when I was with him. When we broke up, he
told me that I needed to just get on with things and not dwell on them anymore.
Sweep them under the carpet.
In a way it's the most fucking twisted thing a rapist can do. To kiss their
victim. Stroke their cheek before they smack them across the face.
From: Brown_Sugar
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Re: Fat white bitches revisited
Temper temper
Tyisha
From: scaredycat
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Junk Mail
I'm still getting messages from your pals, it's becoming a niusance. i have
limited disc space on this account and it's a pain having to erase messages
all the time. i would be very happy if you could get them not to send to me.
-CC
From: SAGReiss
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Kiss and tell
It's too hard for me to attempt a global commentary on your messages. I
must take them line by line, so some of the first stuff may not apply to
the eventual whole. Please bear with me. First, there is no such thing as
privacy in the age of cybernotics. Your friend has begged off, from De Paul.
Once we get on the Web and a real, non-moderated listserve, no one will be
able to control this thing, and we shall all find ourselves in extremely
vulnerable positions. There's no such thing as safe sex. That is a risk we
agree to take, or you sign off as David did. We are the charter members and
have the option not to take part in the public version of this. This is still,
but not for long my private 'net. Think about it, all of you. Unfortunately
I don't know how to post the scripts I've got, with you Nichelle or with
others. If none of it was a blatant offer to have sex what does "I'm interested
in what you have to offer" mean? or "The bed will do just fine"? or whatever
you said about my fat prick? or taking out your frustrations on the devil's
penis (clarinet)? Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not blaming you or saying
anything bad. I see nothing wrong with sex, vr or irl. But to claim you didn't
offer me real and virtual sex (actually you offered virtual to which I said
no, and I offered real to which you said yes) is just such a lie I can't believe
you'd try to slip it past me. I was using the term rape, and it was very
clear in your answers that you understood my irony, in a figurative way.
We were playing and you knew it. My jokes may be in poor taste, but I was
obviously not suggesting you come here to be cut up with a rasor. You are
probably right that I would describe intimate details of our lovemaking to
our listserve. When I slept with Katy the next morning I wrote a letter about
it to Corinne and Jeff, which Jeff immediately sent to Katy. I did thrash
him in a subsequent e-mail, but I'd do the same thing again. My life is second
to literature. Actually it wouldn't matter this time 'cause I'd send the
mObviously I know nothing (and most probably never will) about the dimentions
of your pussy, but that's a pretty complex question. I would be more likely
to talk about other things. Corinne and Jeff can send you some letters about
Katy if they want. From the time I've spent with you my guess is you're pretty
good in bed, or if not could learn, which is just as good. I haven't sent
any other of your messages except the seminal (excuse the pun) rape text,
and I did that only to show that I wasn't the only literary light on this
'net. Alright, it was my mother and two other girls and I won't do it again.
Maybe I should just get my mother on the line and then you'll see what a
fat white bitch can be like at its worst. By the way, when I asked you if
you were a FWB I meant are you really fat irl. I'm not sure you interpreted
it that way. We, I should say me Corinne and Jeff are all scrawny. And I owe
you all the apologies. We've already been through that. You see in your last
and best letter how you avoid the stupid cliches: "Rape is a crime of violence/power/hat(red)
not of sex." Of course it's perversion and lust and if, as we both envisioned
at least potentially, I made love to you in my bed, those same passions and
some of those same acts would come to the fore. There's no such thing as
safe sex. Actually the most moving part of your rape letter was when the
third guy talked to you, trying in some insane way to make contact with you
and to explain his pathological act. "under the carpet" after what we said
about my preferring to rape you in bed to avoid carpet burns?
From: Nichelle
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Re: Kiss and tell
A few quick comments on your message...
> If none of
> it was a blatant offer to have sex what does "I'm interested in what
you have
> to offer" mean?
Actually, this particular comment had nothing whatsoever to do with sex.
In total honesty, I can tell you that I was thinking about the many other
things you have to offer.
> We were playing and you knew it.
Yeah, that's what I thought it was. And I said some very clearly sexual
things, and the fact is, the next time we meet on the moo, I'll probably
say more things like that. That's just part of the way I am. Doesn't mean
I'm going to fly to Syracuse and hop in your bed... This whole thing is way
out of proportion anyway. I probably would have had cybersex with you, even
though it wasn't on my mind at the time, and I really shouldn't be such a
jerk about it.
> By the way, when I asked you if you were a FWB I meant are you really
fat
> irl. I'm not sure you interpreted it that way.
Yeah, I did interpret it that way, and yeah I'm definitely not scrawny.
I wouldn't say that I'm really *fat*, but I'm certainy a bit overweight.
And yeah, there is a relationship between the weight and the rapes, because
I put it on right after I was raped in high school, though most of it has
come off since then too.
> You see in your last and
> best letter how you avoid the stupid cliches: "Rape is a crime of
> violence/power/hat(red) not of sex." Of course it's perversion and
lust and
> if, as we both envisioned at least potentially, I made love to you
in my bed,
> those same passions and some of those same acts would come to the fore.
Well, it is (or can be) a violent act too. But it isn't just about violence.
It's tough to separate the two, sex and violence, and I think that saying
it is one and not the other is a way of avoiding what is really going on.
The hardest thing for me to do is to understand the mind of the rapist, to
sympathize, to understand what happens, what happened to me. When you think
of it as a sexual act as well, it really changes things. Take the first time
as an example... This is a high school kid, spending the night with me, and
I was a pretty little girl, too. Children are beautiful and I wasn't really
a scrawny kid, either. I was tall, blond, long legs, big beautiful blue eyes,
and here's this hormonal kid, thinking of nothing but his dick all day long,
seven days a week. And here I was sleeping on his bedroom floor!? I'm sure
it was similar for my stepdad. I think most people have those thoughts, and
just don't act on them.
> "under the carpet" after
> what we said about my preferring to rape you in bed to avoid carpet
burns?
Didn't even think about it. Though I wish I had....
Nichelle
From: Nichelle
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Quick note
Are we cool with this whole thing? Frankly, I'm sick of talking about it.
The more I think about it, the more I think I was just mad about you forwarding
the email thing, and felt some weird tension about it with Dave, which I think
you sensed also.
It's not worth fighting about, because I probably would have had cybersex
with you, just didn't want to admit I was that attracted to you. And I really
don't like everyone to know about that stuff, either.
One other thing. Your life may come second to literature, but mine does
not. Keep that in mind.
From: Nichelle
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Re: Kiss and tell
Could you also forward a copy of the email titled Do rapists kiss their
victims? I didn't save a copy, for some reason, and I'd like to have one.
From: Nichelle
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Nichelle, Internet Masochist
I had a long discussion with Dave tonight. He can't figure out what I see
in you or in the list. And I had a difficult time trying to explain it to
him. I think it's more than my boredom and isolation, because there are a
lot of ways to deal with that.
Myabe you can explain to me why you think you ought to share every intimate
detail of our conversation with the list. That would help. Should I trust
you? I guess it doesn't matter, since I do. I don't understand you. I don't
mean that in a negative way.
I guess I should just push ahead, knowing that whatever I say is not mine
the minute it leaves my mouth, and just get on with it. I get defensive easily.
One way or another, I really enjoyed chatting with you on the MOO, and I wouldn't
mind doing it again soon. I guess the problem is me, not you, and that my
friendship with Dave and his presence on the list made me uncomfortable. If
you want to find me there, I'll probably be on the MOO a lot tomorrow. Email
me, if you like.
I feel like just bitching about my life, but what I really need is sleep,
so I'm going to give it a try. I'm a chronic insomniac and I sleep about 3-4
hours on weeknights. I ought to stay up and teach myself German and French
so I can read your book...
-Stiff-lips
From: SAGReiss
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Late night phone calls
I too had a late-night conversation, a very rare pleasure, talking to Corinne.
You see I seldom use the phone and they almost never answer theirs, so just
hearing her beautiful voice (We spoke both French and English.) was a rare
thrill. Fuck Jude, he's too hard to reach. Once I get both the IDT and AT&T
software, I'll just put a few notes up on campus offering $20 an hour to set
up a web site, a mail exploder and a non-moderated listserv and this will
take right off. I'm not going to bother about trying to make people pay.
I haven't got time for that shit. I'll just wait tables the rest of my life.
Now as to your mail, Nichelle. I have no idea what I have to offer if not
sex, poverty and drunkeness. We can have cybersex or sex irl or not, it's
up to you. It's just part of the game, part of life. I've made some very
leecherous overtures to Corinne in letters I knew Jeff was reading, so (I
repeat) fuck Dave. If I'm not worried about a man of calibre like Jeff, I'm
certainly not going to worry about a punk like Dave. Rape of course is a
very violent act, but then so can normal sex be. As you say, it's tough to
seperate the two. Whatever her name Andrea Dworkins or something like that
(a radical lesbian seperatist) said that sex for a man is indistinguishable
from giving pain to women. She is not entirely wrong. The Marquis de Sade
was not crazy, he was just a little weird, and an artist, like you and me.
There really is no such thing as consent. Corinne and Jeff don't ask permission
from eachother to fuck, they just do it. Maybe they should make their own
Nike commercial. Of course everyone has those thoughts. I (having never left
the teenage hormonal stage) think of raping every reasonably attractive woman
I see. The difference is in what the French call the passage a l'acte. I'm
too much a physical coward to try it. I may be a mental giant, but I'm just
a skinny white boy at heart. Of course given the proper circumstances, war
in Bosnia for instance, we could all turn into Kurtz. He after all was a skinny
inteamazed I can still quote things verbatim that I haven't read in ten years.
Your life, my life, all of our lives are quickly going to become inseperable
from literature, so you might think about that, but I'm sure you've come
too far already to turn back. We have become cyberbeings. Big Brother isn't
listening. We're e-mailing him. Every detail of our intimate beings will
go on the 'net. If we have cybersex, I'll e-mail the cybersex to the list,
which really only includes Tyisha, you, Corinne and Jeff for the moment,
but you can all see how fast that may change. You ask why. You ask if you
can trust me. Why? I don't know. My whole life has been building up to this
and I'm sure as Hell not affraid to push on into some unknown world of my
own making. Can you trust me? I have already told you that our every move,
vr or irl, will go onto the 'net, so what is there to trust me about? And
by the way, the attraction is mutual. Even your e-mail gives me a hard on.
From: SAGReiss
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: Boys n the Web
Nichelle are you sleeping? When will you be on lambda? Here are my thoughts
for the Web site. I must still find out about text limits or costs etc. so
this might not be materially possible. By the way we are all taking a certain
risk going on the Web. While only my real name will appear, for Corinne, Keith,
Nichelle, Tyisha, I will substitute La Comecabra, Jeff, Stiff Lips, Brown
Sugar. You see, Jeff, there's a method to my madness even if I was drunk
a year and a half ago when we met and I misremembered your name, sooner or
later we're going to have to deal with some real psychopaths. Hackers may
also pose a problem, and of course we all may just get arrested by the brain
police. The title is The World According to Gabe. the next line reads "RECTUM
VINUM" and clicking on it brings up the inaugural letter. All of the texts
will be slightly edited to protect the guilty. Under rectum vinum is Ronsard
and Reiss version of Marie please fuck me. Under that reads There's no such
thing as virtual reality. Clicking this brings up the raging letter I wrote
you the day after my mother's birthday, you remember that tirade. I believe
that letter is the emotional heart and structural climax of BABEL. Under
that reads There's no such thing as safe sex. Clicking on that brings up
me eating out that doctor whom I'll call Dr Geisskopf. Under that reads There's
no such thing as paranoia. Clicking on that... any guesses? Will you give
me permission, Nichelle? Under that will read Donde es la Comecabra? Clicking
on that will bring up a text I hope you'll write in French, just to confuse
them, Corinne. Under that will read don't let them destroy you. Clicking
on that will bring up a text that you can choose or prepare, Jeff, of your
own hand of course. Under that will read There's no such thing as racism.
Clicking on that will bring up a text you can write for us Tyisha. What do
you all think?
From: SAGReiss
Date: 8 March 1996
Subject: log
SAGR: Karen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you and I don't judge you
for being divorced.
KCY: it's ok
KCY: can't help that
SAGR: I tend to joke and make fun of everything because the alternative
is so painful.
KCY: i know... but i only joke about myself... but not put other people
down
SAGR: Well, I'm sorry.
KCY: it's ok
KCY: friends
SAGR: I hope so.
KCY: yes
KCY: friends
SAGR: OK, my friend.
KCY: yes
SAGR: So now can we have cybersex?
KCY: ok
SAGR: Just kidding!!!
KCY: ok
KCY: sure
SAGR: What OK?
KCY: we're friends
SAGR: Good.
KCY: so
SAGR: I thought you didn't do that.
KCY: if you insist
KCY: try
SAGR: How hard should I try?
KCY: not v
SAGR: What color are those panties?
KCY: white
SAGR: If it's that hot perhaps you might feel more comfortable if you removed
them.
KCY: ok
SAGR: Can you type with one hand?
KCY: no
SAGR: If you could?
KCY: i'd try
SAGR: But what would you do with the other, idle hand?
KCY: try to seduce me
SAGR: I think I already have.
KCY: lol
SAGR: I'm not sure how this works on this 'net. Can you "do" things or only
say things?
KCY: say things only
SAGR: Then this will be a little new to me.
KCY: try
SAGR: caresses your hair.
KCY: ok
SAGR: strokes your left cheek.
SAGR: pulls on your left earlobe.
KCY: wow
KCY: have uuu done this be4?
SAGR: longs to kiss you.
KCY: me too
SAGR: slowly approaches his face to yours.
KCY: mmm
SAGR: thinks about that confernce in May and brings his open mouth to yours.
KCY: yes
SAGR: brushes his lips against yours.
KCY: mmmmm
SAGR: touches his tongue to your upper lip.
KCY: yes
KCY: please
SAGR: presses his warm mouth to yours, embracing you in his arms.
SAGR: searches your tongue with his.
SAGR: takes off his ugly bathrobe and slippers never ceasing to kiss you.
SAGR: puts his hands through your hair.
KCY: yes
SAGR: rubs his face against yours.
KCY: i feel good
SAGR: kisses your right eye.
KCY: mmm
SAGR: holds you shoulders.
SAGR: kisses your nose.
SAGR: licks your left eyebrow.
SAGR: runs his hands down your back.
KCY: mmmmmmmmmmmmm
KCY: yummy
KCY: i like that
SAGR: kisses you on the mouth again.
KCY: mmmmmmmm
SAGR: runs his hand between your cheeks.
KCY: i would kiss your hand
SAGR: caresses your ribs on both sides.
KCY: mmmmmm
SAGR: feels your ribs and in between them.
SAGR: kisses you.
KCY: and i 'd press my lips against your
SAGR: caresses your shoulders.
SAGR: kisses your neck.
SAGR: licks and gently bites your neck.
KCY: mmmmmmmm
SAGR: kisses your hair.
SAGR: kisses your neck again.
SAGR: wants to taste your lips again.
SAGR: bites your lips feverish with desire.
SAGR: kisses you.
KCY: wow
SAGR: licks your lips.
KCY: i'd touch u as well
SAGR: massages your shoulder blades.
SAGR: kisses your right shoulder.
KCY: you're nice
SAGR: lightly touches your left nipple.
SAGR: runs his index finger around your left nipple.
KCY: they're erected
SAGR: fondels both of your breasts.
SAGR: kisses your throat.
SAGR: caresses your breasts more firmly.
SAGR: moves his head down between your breasts licking you.
KCY: i'd arch my back
KCY: hold u tight
SAGR: massages your ribs and kisses your right nipple.
KCY: mmmmmmmmmmm
KCY: goshhhhhhhhhh
SAGR: licks and softly bites your right nipple.
KCY: aahhhhhhhh
SAGR: fondels both breasts and sucks your right nipple.
SAGR: kisses your left breast so it won't get jealous.
SAGR: licks it around the nipple.
KCY: youre making me smile
SAGR: We can even joke in bed, darling.
SAGR: bites you.
KCY: that's nice
SAGR: kisses you between the breasts.
SAGR: licks you between the breasts rubbing them with his hands.
SAGR: lowers his head.
KCY: are these from your new book?
KCY: lol
SAGR: feels your hips and kisses your stomach.
SAGR: The first time I had cybersex is in the book.
KCY: i'd move my hip in a slow motion
KCY: lol
SAGR: kisses your stomach.
KCY: mmmm
SAGR: I've only done this three or four times.
SAGR: licks your stomach.
SAGR: moves his hands back to your breasts.
SAGR: licks your belly-button.
SAGR: lowers his head and kisses the bottom of your stomach.
SAGR: kisses your pubic hair.
SAGR: massages your thighs.
KCY: mmmmmm
KCY: you'renice
SAGR: kisses your right thigh.
SAGR: kisses your right thigh and fondels your left.
SAGR: runs his index finger down the inside of your left thigh.
SAGR: kisses your right knee.
SAGR: kisses and licks you behind the kneecap.
SAGR: runs his mouth over your right calf.
SAGR: kisses your right ankle.
SAGR: kisses your right foot.
SAGR: licks between the toes.
SAGR: sucks your big toe.
KCY: you're so senusal
SAGR: kisses the bottom of your foot.
SAGR: moves his head to the left foot.
SAGR: fondels your thighs.
SAGR: sucks your toes.
KCY: mmmmmmmmmmm
SAGR: kisses your left knee.
SAGR: kisses the inside of both thighs.
SAGR: puts his head near your vagina.
SAGR: breathes on your vagina.
SAGR: kisses your pubic hair.
KCY: i'm so wet
SAGR: lightly touches your clit with the tip of his tongue.
SAGR: flicks his tongue at your clit.
SAGR: licks your clit firmly.
SAGR: brushes his lips against your clit.
SAGR: licks it throbbingly.
SAGR: bites it tenderly.
SAGR: takes it in his mouth.
KCY: you're good
SAGR: massages it between his lips and with his tongue.
SAGR: licks your clit with an increasing rhythm.
SAGR: licks it faster.
KCY: mmmmmmm
SAGR: sucks it into his mouth.
SAGR: thrashes your clit with his impatient tongue.
SAGR: gently touches your vulva with his right index finger.
SAGR: runs his finger up and down your lips while licking your clit furiously.
SAGR: runs his tongue down your lips and licks you pereneum.
SAGR: flicks his tongue in your anus.
SAGR: licks your anus.
SAGR: runs his tongue back up to your swollen clit.
SAGR: bites it and licks it.
SAGR: eases a finger up your vagina while licking your clit.
SAGR: asks how you are feeling.
KCY: geart
K